iiiiumimuii  miutiliit' 


THE  GIFT  OF 

MAY  TREAT  MORRISON 

IN  MEMORY  OF 

ALEXANDER   F  MORRISON 


FOIBLES 


OF  THE  BAR 


BY 

HENRY    S.    WILCOX 

OF  THE  CHICAGO  BAR 


PUBLISHED    BY 

LEGAL  LITERATURE  COMPANY 

CHICAGO,  ILLINOIS 


Copyrighted,  1906, 

BY 

HENRY  S.  WILCOX 
Entered  in  Stationers'  Hall. 


t^ 


n 


PREFACE 

In  the  preface  to  "Foibles  of  the  Bench,"  the  first 
volume  of  this  series,  it  is  stated: 

"Let  no  one  suppose  that  this  volume  is  intended 

by  the  author  to  'get  even'  with  the  judiciary  or  to 

exhibit  his  personal  scars  and  grievances.     It  is  much 

too  small  for  that  purpose.     The  characters  herein 

delineated  are  not  merely  local  nor  of  the   present. 

Judge  Knowall,  Judge  Doall,  Judge  Wasp,   Judge 

Fearful,  Judge  Wabbler,  Judge  Graft,  Judge  Whiffet, 

(V        Judge  Wind,  and  many  of  the  other  judges  referred 

5       to,  are  types  which  have  existed  from  the  beginning 

of  history,  in  all  lands,  and  they  are  Hkely  to  continue 

until  a  higher  civilization  and  a  better  understanding 

of  the  nature  of  the  judicial  ofi&ce  shall  retire  them 

O        from  the  bench.     By  exhibiting  these  characters  the 

^       author  has  not  intended  to  assail  any  person  living  or 

OS        blacken  the  memories  of  any  who  have  departed.    He 

2        has  merely  cut  the  garments  and  has  left  to  the  public 

the  task  of  placing  them  upon  those  who  are  best 

fitted  to  wear  them.     The  life  of  the  judge  is  often 

^        full  of  perplexing  cares,  and  he  needs  all  the  assistance 

^        that  an  enlightened  bar  can  afford  him  in  the  dis- 

2        charge  of  his  duty.     It  is  not  to  his  interest  nor  is  it 

^        better  for  the  public  that  he  be  deprived  of  such 

.  suggestions  as  occur  to  those  who  practice  before  him. 

£  "Every  person  who  has  profited  by  the  practice  of 

a  profession  should  strive  to  improve  it,  and  it  has 

long  been  the  purpose  of  the  author,  before  retiring 

3 


4S2666 


PREFACE 


from  the  practice  of  the  law,  to  call  public  attention 
to  such  defects,  abuses  and  weaknesses  as  he  has 
noticed,  and  to  propose  such  improvements  as  seemed 
fit.  Now,  after  having  passed  the  half-century  mark, 
and  having  spent  the  larger  portion  of  that  time  in 
actual  practice  as  a  trial  lawyer,  he  has  concluded  to 
make  a  beginning.  He  intends  to  follow  this  book 
with  others  of  about  the  same  size  and  general  char- 
acteristics treating  on  'The  Foibles  of  the  Bar,' 
'The  Frailties  of  the  Jury,'  'The  Fallacies  of  the 
Law,'  etc." 

These  assurances  were  not  sufficient  to  prevent  the 
suspicion  from  obtaining  in  the  minds  of  many  readers 
and  reviewers  that  the  book  was  written  with  a  mali- 
cious design  of  caricaturing  certain  occupants  of  the 
bench.  The  author  wishes  to  state  emphatically  that 
he  knows  of  no  enemies  either  on  the  bench  or  at  the 
bar,  nor  has  he  suffered  any  wounds  during  his 
professional  career  that  the  salve  of  time  has  not 
completely  healed.  Had  he  grounds  to  desire  the 
injury  of  any  one  he  would  not  adopt  this  method. 
The  offsprings  of  malice  are  soon  buried  with  the 
dust  of  oblivion,  and  the  only  hope  Ithe  author  has 
of  helping  humanity  with  the  work  he  has  undertaken 
is  that  it  shall  deserve  to  be  read  and  preserved.  The 
general  reader  has  always  demanded  that  nuggets  of 
wisdom  be  served  with  a  salad  dressing,  and  the 
types  used  to  illustrate  herein  are  merely  intended  to 
make  the  truths  taught  more  palatable.  The  many 
kind  words  that  have  been  written  about  "Foibles  of 


PREFACE  5 

the  Bench"  in  the  newspapers  and  magazines  of  the 
nation  have  greatly  pleased  the  author,  but  he  has 
noticed  with  some  sadness  the  tendency  to  overlook 
the  wrongs  portrayed  and  the  remedies  suggested. 
These  were  the  inspiration  of  "Foibles  of  the  Bench," 
and  it  is  a  subject  for  regret  that  the  dressing  should 
attract  more  attention  than  the  articles  intended  to 
be  garnished  thereby.  In  this  volume  the  author 
has  adopted  the  same  method.  In  his  practice  he 
has  made  and  observed  many  mistakes  and  missed 
many  opportunities  for  good.  These  he  aims  to  set 
forth  and  illustrate  by  sketching  typical  characters 
and  narrating  anecdotes  concerning  them.  He  hopes 
thereby  to  amuse  and  instruct  the  general  reader  as 
well  as  members  of  the  legal  profession,  and  thus 
point  the  way  and  stimulate  an  ambition  in  many  to 
reach  a  higher  altitude  of  excellence. 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


CHAPTER  I 

Functions 


'Tr*HE  proper  function  of  a  lawyer  is  to  inform  his 
"'■  client  what  his  legal  rights  are  and  to  assist 
him  in  obtaining  those  rights.  This  requires  him 
to  be  a  student  of  law,  a  seeker  after  truth,  a  cham- 
pion of  the  right.  It  does  not  make  him  the  accom- 
plice of  the  thief,  the  pal  of  the  highwayman,  or  the 
fence  for  a  nest  of  criminals.  If  he  divides  spoils 
with  pickpockets,  shields  assassins,  or  becomes  a  part 
of  the  burglars'  tools,  he  does  so  in  violation  of  his 
duty  as  a  lawyer,  he  becomes  such  by  yielding  to  the 
same  corrupt  purpose  that  inspires  other  criminals. 

Before  the  lawyer  can  correctly  advise  his  client 
relative  to  his  legal  rights,  he  must  become  familiar 
with  the  facts  that  pertain  thereto.  Many  facts  must 
be  garnered  as  a  basis  for  the  lawyer's  opinion. 
Usually  the  client  is  incompetent  to  collect  these  facts 
for  he  does  not  know  exactly  what  are  material  and 
what  immaterial,  and  some  one  having  expert  knowl- 
edge must  act  for  him.  In  most  cases  the  lawyer 
9 


10  FOIBLE 3  OF  THE  BAR 

must  discharge  this  dut)',  acting  in  conjunction  with 
his  cHent  and  employees.  This  task  should  be  per- 
formed with  great  accuracy,  for  on  this  depends  the 
entire  value  of  the  lawyer's  advice.  In  doing  this 
the  lawyer  should  seek  only  the  truth.  He  should 
neither  employ  nor  be  deceived  by  liars.  If  he  hunts 
for  false  testimony,  or  becomes  a  loom  for  weaving 
lies  to  be  sworn  to  by  perjured  witnesses,  or  counts 
upon  his  capacity  to  deceive  or  corrupt  a  judge  or 
jury,  he  departs  from  the  honorable  task  of  a  lawyer 
and  becomes  a  public  enemy. 

Where  the  law  is  complicated  many  legal  facts  must 
be  collected,  such  as  the  decisions  of  the  courts  of 
last  resort,  the  latest  Acts  of  the  legislature,  and  such 
other  authorities  as  are  necessary  to  show  the  exact 
state  of  the  law  upon  the  subject.  This  work,  also, 
must  be  done  by  the  lawyer  or  his  competent  em- 
ployees. His  opinion  will  not  be  reliable  unless  these 
tasks  are  faithfully  performed. 

The  collection  of  legal  facts  is  a  tedious  labor  that 
can  be  mitigated  only  by  a  reverence  for  the  law,  a 
love  of  justice,  and  a  high  sense  of  professional  duty. 
The  glutton,  the  gambler,  and  the  drunkard  are  not 
liable  to  possess  these  qualities,  or  engage  in  such  a 
task  to  any  extent.  It  is  the  bookworm  who  neglects 
the  feast  and  the  pursuit  of  the  butterflies  of  sensual 
pleasure  who  is  most  likely  to  do  this  duty. 

When  the  lawyer  has  gathered  his  stock  of  infor- 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  11 

mation  he  must  act  in  a  quasi-judicial  capacity,  and 
decide  for  his  client  what  are  his  legal  rights.  In 
performing  this  function  he  has  a  more  difficult  task 
than  the  occupant  of  the  bench,  for  he  has  not  the 
advantage  of  hearing  the  questions  discussed  before 
him  by  trained  advocates.  Also  he  is  quite  likely  to 
feel  the  deep  interest  which  his  client  has  in  the  con- 
troversy and  partake  of  his  desire  to  win,  and  thus 
possess  a  bias  which  clouds  his  judgment.  He  also 
has  another  task  in  forming  a  judgment  which  the 
judge  does  not  have.  After  he  has  determined  what 
is  legal  justice,  he  must  decide  upon  the  probability 
of  being  able  to  obtain  it.  A  lawsuit  is  expensive 
and  troublesome  to  the  client  even  if  he  wins;  and  if 
he  loses  it  is  often  a  besom  of  destruction  which  may 
ruin  him  financially  and  fill  his  soul  with  sad  regrets. 
It  is  therefore  very  important  that  the  lawyer  should 
advise  his  client  accurately  as  to  the  probability  of 
success,  for  if  he  guides  him  into  an  unsuccessful 
suit  he  may  be  acquitted  of  moral  blame,  but  he  must 
stand  convicted  of  having  erred  in  his  judgment. 

Having  decided  that  his  client  has  legal  rights  and 
that  they  probably  can  be  obtained,  the  counsel  must 
become  an  advocate,  muster  his  forces,  go  before  the 
court  and  fight  to  obtain  these  rights.  The  combat 
which  he  thus  enters  is  often  the  fiercest  of  intellectual 
struggles.  There  is  probably  no  contest  where  a 
larger  number  of  mental  faculties  are  called  into  use 


12  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


than  in  the  conduct  of  a  strongly  contested  lawsuit. 
Let  me  refer  to  a  few  of  these: 

The  first  in  importance  is  the  memory.  The  ad- 
vocate should  be  able  to  carry  in  mind  all  the  details 
of  his  own  forces,  including  the  peculiar  characteris- 
tics of  his  own  client  and  witnesses  and  the  exact 
facts  that  can  be  proven  by  their  testimony,  together 
with  the  plan  which  he  has  formed  for  the  presenta- 
tion of  his  evidence  and  legal  authorities.  He  must 
have  his  proofs  so  arranged  and  in  hand  that  he  can 
present  them  with  the  greatest  celerity,  when  neces- 
sary to  strengthen  his  own  position  or  weaken  that  of 
his  adversary.  He  must  set  down  in  memory  all  that 
is  said  on  his  own  side,  all  that  is  testified  by  his  own 
witnesses  and  all  that  is  presented  by  his  adversary, 
so  that  he  can  quickly  use  this  knowledge  in  forming 
a  judgment  as  to  the  course  to  be  pursued  as  the  case 
proceeds.  No  lawyer  ever  had  too  good  a  memory, 
and  one  who  can  recollect  accurately  everything  that 
occurs  in  the  suit  has  one  of  the  strongest  weapons. 

Next  to  memory  is  the  power  of  perception.  To 
be  able  to  perceive  quickly  everything  as  soon  as  it 
happens,  in  precisely  the  way  it  happens,  is  a  great 
faculty  and  of  much  use  to  the  lawyer.  It  will  also 
aid  him  greatly  if  he  is  able  to  perceive  what  things 
are  about  to  happen  or  are  likely  to  happen  before 
they  have  actually  occurred.  This  gives  him  more 
time  to  meet  and  parry  the  thrusts  of  his  adversary. 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  13 


Akin  to  perception  is  a  sort  of  intuitive  judgment 
of  human  nature,  which  he  should  have  to  enable 
him  to  sense  the  feelings  of  the  witnesses,  the  judge, 
and  the  jury,  and  their  tendencies,  and  thus  avoid 
those  things  likely  to  produce  prejudice  or  confusion, 
and  to  choose  a  method  calculated  to  inspire  confi- 
dence and  a  favorable  consideration. 

The  faculty  of  speech  is  also  important.  It  is  well 
if  the  lawyer  can  express  his  views  clearly,  pleasantly, 
forcefully,  fluently,  naturally,  and  without  affectation, 
in  such  a  manner  as  to  carry  conviction.  His  man- 
ner, appearance,  and  entire  conduct  and  bearing 
should  be  such  as  to  win  respect  for  his  learning  and 
integrity. 

Courage  is  also  demanded.  If  all  due  preparation 
has  been  made  and  everything  which  human  foresight 
is  able  to  suggest  has  been  provided,  the  lawyer  will 
still  be  subject  to  startling  surprises.  He  will  be 
disappointed  by  the  weakness  of  his  own  forces  and 
the  strength  of  his  adversary's;  by  the  view  which 
the  Court  takes  of  questions  of  law;  by  the  mistakes 
and  lapses  of  memory  and  stumbling  of  his  witnesses, 
and  by  many  other  unexpected  events  beyond  his 
control.  To  endure  this  calmly  requires  a  steady 
nerve  and  an  unflinching  determination,  and  where 
finally,  as  often  happens,  his  well-laid  plans,  patient 
industry,  and  vigilant  advocacy  all  terminate  in  de- 
feat, and  he  must  listen  to  the  lament  of  his  client  and 


14  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

his  client's  family,  and  hear  the  cackling  and  crowing 
of  the  other  side,  and  the  numerous  reasons  why  he 
was  beaten,  he  certainly  needs  the  strongest  fiber  of 
moral  courage  to  remain  undaunted  and  be  able, 
without  bias,  fear,  or  false  visions,  to  decide  whether 
he  will  appeal  the  case  to  another  tribunal  or  submit 
to  the  result.  If  he  decides  to  proceed  further  he 
should  still  retain  undiminished  to  the  end  of  the  case 
that  unflagging  zeal  which  he  had  at  its  inception,  and 
a  firm  faith  that  if  he  does  his  best  somehow  and 
somewhere  the  right  will  surely  prevail.  Those  de- 
mented by  age,  or  enfeebled  by  disease  are  hardly 
capable  of  such  a  task.  The  sluggard,  the  sportsman, 
the  politician,  and  the  inebriate  will  never  seriously 
attempt  it.  To  be  a  real  lawyer,  capable  and  thor- 
ough, leaves  but  small  room  for  sidcsteppings. 

That  the  lawyer  seldom  possesses  all  the  faculties 
above  referred  to,  fully  developed,  we  must  all  admit. 
That  there  is  wide  room  for  improvement  in  the  pro- 
fession all  concede.  To  point  out  some  of  the  many 
shortcomings  ought  to  be  beneficial  to  the  profession 
and  public  generally,  and  this  I  will  now  attempt. 


CHAPTER  II 

Verbosity 

'TpHE  notion  prevails  that  a  lawyer  should  be  a 
fluent  talker,  that  he  should  have  the  "gift  of 
gab."  A  ready  and  terse  utterance  is  certainly  de- 
sirable, but  it  frequently  happens  this  talent  is  devel- 
oped to  such  excess  as  to  become  a  source  of  weak- 
ness. A  law  of  physics  applies  here.  The  force 
which  can  be  expended  in  any  given  time  is  limited 
and  that  portion  exerted  in  one  act  cannot  be  retained 
for  another.  There  may  be  some  who  have  such  a 
superabundance  of  physical  and  mental  energy  as  to 
be  capable  of  a  large  variety  of  actions  at  the  same 
time  and  be  able  to  continue  such  actions  for  many 
hours  without  repose,  but  I  have  no  such  person  in 
mind.  All  excessive  talkers  known  to  me  have 
slighted  their  tasks  and  could  not  be  safely  relied 
upon  to  do  work  requiring  much  skill  and  accuracy 
in  its  execution.  All  voluntary  motions  of  the  mind 
and  body  require  attention,  and  the  expense  of  force, 
and  force  expended  is  lost.  This  applies  with  great 
emphasis  to  the  practice  of  the  law. 

Colonel  Bombast 
Colonel  Bombast  was  a   verbose  lawyer.    From 
youth  he  had  shown  such  fluency  of  utterance,  took 
15 


16  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

such  delight  in  talking,  became  so  zealous  and  en- 
thusiastic while  thus  engaged,  had  such  a  vocabulary 
of  words  on  the  end  of  his  tongue,  was  so  ready  with 
.illustrations,  quotations,  and  epigrammatic  expressions, 
that  every  one  who  knew  him  prophesied  for  him  a 
great  career.  At  sociables,  clubs,  and  many  public 
and  private  gatherings  he  was  the  center  of  an  admir- 
ing throng,  where  he  stood  or  sat  with  his  thumbs  in 
his  vest  holes  and  with  his  head  thrown  back,  shaking 
vigorously,  as  he  poured  forth  a  perpetual  torrent  of 
words.  At  banquets,  celebrations,  receptions,  or 
other  public  occasions  where  there  was  a  program  or 
an  address  of  welcome,  a  toast  or  eulogy,  he  was  in 
demand.  All  who  heard  him  wondered  at  the  ex- 
uberance of  his  metaphors,  the  brilliancy  of  his  wit, 
and  the  extent  of  his  vocabulary.  He  was  called 
"silver-tongued,"  "golden-throated,"  "the  modern 
Demosthenes,"  and  other  appellations  of  a  similar 
import.  The  slightest  suggestion  was  sufficient  to 
excite  in  his  mind  the  most  gorgeous  images.  If  a 
drop  of  water  were  mentioned  he  thought  of  all  forms 
of  water  from  the  roaring  ocean  to  the  rolling  thunder 
cloud,  from  the  ice  rattling  in  the  glass  to  the  iceberg 
floating  in  the  polar  sea,  from  the  dropping  tear  to  the 
raging  Niagara.  If  a  wing  was  mentioned  there 
flitted  before  his  mind  all  kinds  of  winged  creatures 
from  the  microscopic  insect  to  the  largest  bird.  The 
word  flower  opened  up  before  his  mind's  eye  in  pano- 


FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR  17 

ramie  splendor  every  blossom  that  he  had  ever  beheld. 
Nor  was  this  all.  His  nimble  fancy  collected  the 
component  parts  of  all  things  of  which  he  had  seen, 
read,  or  heard,  and  formed  new  images  of  things 
which  had  never  existed.  The  thought  of  a  bug  sug- 
gested to  him  a  bug  as  large  as  an  elephant;  a  grain  of 
gold,  a  gold  mountain;  a  small  diamond,  a  great 
planet  composed  of  the  same  substance.  The  bright 
places  of  the  heavens  were  radiant  with  myriads  of 
angels,  and  the  dark  spots  of  earth  inhabited  by 
frightful  demons.  The  visions  that  thus  came  troop- 
ing before  his  mind  often  had  little  or  no  connection 
with  each  other.  He  soon  lost  the  subject  under  dis- 
cussion, and  no  one  could  predict  from  his  beginning 
where  he  would  end. 

Those  who  met  him  for  the  first  time  found  him 
very  delightful,  but  after  an  extended  acquaintance 
his  excessive  mouthings  became  so  irksome  that  it  is 
said  even  his  wife  took  refuge  in  "solitaire"  to  avoid 
conversing  with  him,  and  his  friends  often  crossed  the 
street  to  escape  meeting  him.  There  is  a  limit  to 
human  knowledge,  and  usually  a  narrow  limit  to  the 
knowledge  of  great  talkers.  They  can  only  keep 
their  vocal  organs  in  operation  by  repetitions,  and 
when  one  has  heard  their  stock  of  ideas  he  loses  inter- 
est. So  it  was  with  Colonel  Bombast.  If  you  sug- 
gested that  it  was  a  pleasant  day  he  would  forthwith 
begin  a   disquisition   upon   the   weather,   carry  you 


18  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

all  over  the  world,  and  tell  you  over  and  over  again 
the  eminent  people  with  whom  he  had  an  intimate 
association  and  connect  them  with  the  subject  by 
telling  what  he  had  said  to  them  and  they  had  said  to 
him  about  the  weather.  If  you  gave  him  time  he 
would  weave  in  all  the  history  of  his  life,  the  great 
speeches  he  had  made  and  those  he  was  about  to 
make. 

When  he  was  admitted  to  the  bai  many  prophesied 
that  he  would  become  a  great  lawyer.  Did  they  ex- 
pect such  a  genius  would  examine  critically  the  tech- 
nicalities of  the  law  and  search  among  the  roots  of 
its  doctrines  to  become  familiar  with  their  obscure 
origins,  that  he  would  deny  himself  the  pleasure  of 
talking  to  commune  with  the  statutes  and  constitu- 
tions of  his  state  and  his  nation,  and  the  efforts  that 
have  been  made  from  time  to  time  by  the  courts  to 
construe  them?  Would  he  be  likely  to  scurry  out  at 
night  to  unfrequented  localities,  visit  the  hovels  of 
wretchedness  and  interview  their  miserable  occupants 
for  the  purpose  of  getting  evidence  to  be  used  in  a 
suit?  Would  he  explore  scientific  books  for  the  mean- 
ing of  terms  and  procure  the  latest  information  rela- 
tive to  matters  in  a  legal  controversy?  On  the  con- 
trary, would  he  not  set  his  sails  to  catch  the  sweetest 
zephyrs,  and  steer  his  easy  sailing  bark  over  the 
gentlest  waters?  And  so  he  did.  The  ignorant  pub- 
lic attracted  by  his  mellifluous  utterances  trusted  him 


FOIBLES   OF  THE  BAR  19 

with  their  cases.  He  assured  them  in  boastful  phrases 
that  they  were  sure  to  win,  and  they  believed  him 
until,  finally,  as  was  usually  the  case,  they  met  with 
disaster.  Then  he  accounted  for  the  result  by  charg- 
ing the  judge  and  jury  with  imbecility  or  corruption. 
Occasionally,  however,  he  won,  and  when  he  did  he 
advertised  the  fact,  exaggerated  the  importance  of  the 
victory,  and  thus  spread  the  impression  that  he  wa? 
a  successful  lawyer.  '— ) 

Many  people  and  some  that  have  much  money  are 
easily  induced  to  buy  a  gold  brick,  and  such  judge  of 
a  lawyer  by  his  bloviating  assurances  and  the  amount 
of  noise  he  can  stir  up  in  the  community.  And  so 
Colonel  Bombast  never  lacked  patronage.  His  ad- 
dresses abounded  in  the  usual  stock  illustrations  com- 
mon to  excessive  talkers.  In  a  speech  delivered  in 
defence  of  a  tramp  who  had  stolen  a  handsled,  he 
referred  to  the  Fall  of  Rome,  the  Goddess  of  Liberty, 
Christ  before  Pilate,  a  storm  at  sea,  and  the  burning 
of  Servetus  by  John  Calvin.  He  spoke  of  "God's 
green  earth"  many  times,  often  appealed  to  the  jury 
in  the  name  of  heaven,  and  wound  up  with  the  "Ser- 
mon on  the  Mount."  He  used  the  same  references  in 
a  speech  to  recover  damages  from  a  butcher  for  selling 
tainted  meat.  In  this  address  he  began  with  the 
"Sermon  on  the  Mount"  and  finished  with  the  "Fall 
of  Rome,"  which  fall  he  attributed  to  the  degener- 
ation caused  by  tainted   meat.     Likewise,  when  de- 


20  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

fending  a  corporation  for  tapping  a  water  pipe  and 
stealing  water  from  the  city,  he  indulged  in  the  same 
startling  illustrations  and  closed  with  Christ's  for- 
giveness of  the  erring  woman  as  a  reason  why  the 
jury  should  be  merciful  to  the  purlolner  of  the  city 
water.  These  few  well-known  subjects  of  rhetoric 
were  usually  woven  into  his  addresses,  but  were  of 
course  treated  with  variations  and  clothed  at  times  with 
slightly  different  words,  but  in  speeches  of  consider- 
able length  he  generally  managed  to  make  them  fit 
and  do  effective  duty.  He  was  also  addicted  to  allit- 
eration. On  one  occasion  while  striving  to  exalt  the 
credibility  of  one  of  his  witnesses  in  comparison  with 
the  witness  of  his  adversary  he  said : 

"The  dull,  dumb-headed  dunce  who  testified  on  the 
opposite  side  can  no  more  be  compared  with  my 
intelligent  witness  than  the  puny  pinhead  of  a  Pawnee 
chief  with  the  ponderous  pate  of  a  Roman  emperor, 
or  the  faint  flickerings  of  the  firefly  with  the  scorching 
scintillations  of  the  summer  sun." 

When  trying  to  humble  the  pride  of  a  certain  indi- 
vidual, he  said: 

"Gentlemen  of  the  Jury,  who  is  this  addlepated 
ass  with  the  ossified  spine?  I  can  tell  you.  When  I 
came  to  this  country  he  was  tramping  jimson  weeds 
and  pulling  cockleburrs  from  his  whiskers.  He  was 
then  as  poor  as  dishwater,  and  the  wind  whistled 
mournfullv  through  his  breeches.     Then  he  was  as 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  21 

meek  as  Moses  and  glad  to  fleece  the  stones  for  forage 
and  be  decent.  Now  look  at  him.  Because  an  in- 
scrutable Providence  has  removed  him  thirty  days 
from  the  poorhouse,  he  struts  like  a  turkeycock  with 
the  rickets,  and  assumes  to  give  orders  to  God  Al- 
mighty." 

His  grandiloquent  periods  sometimes  became  ill- 
placed.  On  one  occasion  he  defended  a  railroad 
company  for  killing  a  farmer's  cow.  The  farmer's 
lawyer  offered  the  rules  of  the  railroad  to  show  that 
the  train  when  it  struck  the  cow  was  exceeding  the 
speed  provided  in  these  rules.  The  Colonel  arose 
with  his  usual  magnificent  air  and  after  several  caress- 
ing twists  of  the  portentious  blue-black  mustache  that 
clouded  a  large  part  of  his  countenance  he  treated 
the  court  to  the  following: 

"Your  Honor,  the  defendant  objects.  It,  sir,  has 
been  a  question  from  time  immemorial  down  to  the 
present  day  with  our  wisest  sages  as  to  whether  the 
Almighty  Ruler  of  the  Universe  has  endowed  dumb 
brutes  with  capacity  to  reason.  The  matchless  minds 
of  ancient  Athens  pondered  in  vain  over  this  perplex- 
ing problem.  The  intellectual  giants  of  the  middle 
ages  tumbled  into  their  tombs  and  left  it  still  unsolved, 
and  I  believe,  sir,  it  is  an  unsettled  question  yet.  The 
rules  and  regulations  of  the  railroad  could  not  benefit 
this  cow,  for,  sir,  it  has  not  yet  been  shown  that  she 
could  read  and  understand  these  regulations." 


22  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

In  the  trial  of  his  cases  the  Colonel  was  a  terror  to 
both  court  and  jury,  and  it  frequently  happened  he 
talked  a  good  case  to  defeat.  The  human  tongue  is 
a  nice  instrument  which  to  be  used  effectively  must 
be  handled  with  care.  Every  idle  word  is  a  waste. 
The  person  who  must  do  much  talking  must  devote 
much  time  to  reading  and  reflection,  or  his  speeches 
will  become  stale  and  tiresome.  This  applies  with 
great  force  to  the  practice  of  law. 

The  common  blatherskite  may  sit  on  a  drygoods 
box  on  the  sunny  side  of  a  country  store  or  wear  out 
an  arm  chair  in  a  hotel  lobby  and  talk  fluently  relative 
to  what  the  law  ought  to  be  and  assume  to  know  much 
about  what  the  law  really  is,  but  the  lawyer  must 
examine  statutes  and  constitutions  and  read  exten- 
sively from  reported  cases  before  he  is  able  to  speak 
above  a  whisper  on  the  subject,  and  then  his  words 
are  likely  to  be  very  precise  and  guarded.  The  gen- 
eral public  should  beware  of  the  verbose  lawyer  who, 
like  an  overloaded  bag  of  wind,  is  perpetually  blurting 
out  opinions  upon  every  question.  The  man  who 
finds  his  chief  delight  in  listening  to  his  own  voice 
should  seek  some  other  occupation  where  the  rights, 
liberties,  and  estates  of  mankind  are  not  put  in  such 
jeopardy  as  they  are  when  intrusted  to  the  victim  of 
this  peculiar  vic-e. 


CHAPTER  III 

Sociability 

p'XTENSIVE  reading  is  required  to  learn  the  law 
and  keep  informed  of  its  frequent  changes. 
Much  study  and  reflection  are  necessary  in  planning 
for  legal  contests.  These  require  seclusion  and  the 
shutting  out  of  the  diverting  and  enticing  influences 
of  society.  The  young  man  who  has  no  taste  for 
solitude  and  is  unhappy  when  not  enjoying  the  society 
of  his  fellows  should  not  undertake  the  duties  of  this 
profession.  In  the  country  it  may  be  easier  to  obtain 
and  endure  solitude,  but  in  the  cities  the  opportuni- 
ties for  entertainment  and  the  allurements  of  pleasure 
are  so  numerous  it  is  very  difficult  for  one  who  craves 
such  luxuries  to  suffer  the  self-denial.  The  number 
of  those  who  have  failed  to  do  this  is  so  great  and  the 
need  of  it  so  apparent  that  illustration  is  hardly 
necessary.    But  I  will  introduce 

BiLLIE  GOODFELLOW 

He  was  one  of  the  brightest  and  best  mixers.     In 

his  youth  it  was  "Hurrah,  boys,"  to  the  apple  orchard, 

the  melon  patch,  or  the  swimming  hole.     When  any 

scheme  of  pleasure  was  proposed  he  was  ready  to 

23 


24  FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR 

take  part.  As  he  grew  up  he  learned  all  the  social 
games,  took  an  eager  hiterest  in  all  sports  and  found 
time  to  go  with  everybody.  He  was  always  in  great 
demand.  He  could  mingle  with  any  grade  of  intelli- 
gence, fellowship  with  any  moral  status,  and  accom- 
modate himself  as  easily  as  water  to  any  strata.  The 
servant  girl,  the  bootblack,  or  the  society  queen,  all 
were  Billie's  friends  and  liked  to  entertain  him  and 
be  entertained  by  him.  He  was  at  home  at  a  labor 
picnic,  a  church  fair,  a  poHtical  or  ministerial  associa- 
tion. He  was  as  popular  in  a  Sunday  school  class  as 
in  a  saloon.  Wherever  he  went  he  became  the  center 
around  which  the  delighted  multitude  clustered  like 
swarming  bees.  He  was  most  happy  when  those 
around  him  were  most  hilarious  and  frivolous.  His 
presence  was  a  perpetual  fountain  of  joy.  His  face 
was  rosy  with  bounding  blood,  his  body  short  and 
fat.  His  hair  curly  and  his  brov/n  eyes  twinkled  with 
merriment.  The  corners  of  his  mouth  turned  up 
like  a  god  of  mirth's,  and  his  countenance  beamed 
with  ecstatic  delight  while  luxuriating  in  the  society 
of  his  friends.  He  seemed  designed  by  nature  to  call 
mankind  from  their  cares  and  sorrows  and  invite  them 
to  come  with  him  to  the  feast  and  pleasure  grounds. 
Originally  Billie  had  inherited  some  money,  but  he 
parted  with  it  easily,  and  after  it  was  gone  his  gay  life 
was  maintained  by  foraging  upon  his  friends.  When 
he  had  anything  he  could  lend,  any  one  could  borrow 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


it,  and  thus  he  became  a  kind  of  middleman,  borrow- 
ing from  the  rich  and  lending  to  the  poor.  He  had 
no  prejudice  against  paying  his  debts,  and  perhaps 
did  so  when  he  found  it  convenient,  but  ordinarily  it 
was  not.  No  one  can  accommodate  himself  to  all 
classes  without  being  a  neat  and  graceful  liar  and  an 
expert  peddler  of  false  promises.  In  this  particular 
Billie  had  talent.  It  was  as  natural  for  him  to  deceive 
as  it  is  for  the  little  potato  bug  when  approached  to 
curl  in  its  legs,  roll  onto  its  back  and  pretend  to  be 
dead.  It  was  a  real  pleasure  to  hear  him  lie.  He 
did  it  in  such  a  sincere  and  sanctimonious  manner, 
and  when  caught  at  it  smiled  so  sweetly  and  slid  out 
of  it  so  smoothly  that  no  one  was  jarred  by  discovering 
the  prevarication. 

Men  of  his  character  often  try  to  entertain  by  sallies 
of  wit,  smart  retorts,  and  the  telling  of  funny  stories. 
This  is  a  precarious  method,  for  wit  loses  its  edge 
when  much  employed,  and  funny  stories  seem  ridicu- 
lous to  many.  Billie  chose  a  more  direct  method 
of  amusing  people.  He  was  an  appreciative  listener, 
laughed  heartily  at  the  jokes  of  others,  bestowed  praise 
at  every  opportunity,  and  inspired  those  about  him 
to  an  exalted  opinion  of  themselves.  He  was  like  a 
glass  into  which  they  could  look  and  see  their  images 
glorified.  Many  were  grateful  for  this  service  and  felt 
a  warm  friendship  for  him.  They  forgave  his  peculiar 
financial  habits  and  neglect  of  truth,  and  were  pleased 


26  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

to  strew  flowers  in  his  path  wherever  he  went.  His 
charming  manners  assisted  in  obtaining  credit  and 
in  beating  his  creditors.  He  was  indebted  to  a  tailor 
for  a  suit  of  clothes  and  had  so  often  ignored  his  re- 
quest for  payment  that  the  tailor's  patience  became 
exhausted  and  he  gave  the  claim  to  a  collection  law- 
yer. This  collection  lawyer  called  at  Billie's  office 
to  demand  payment.  When  he  came  in  Billie  grasped 
him  by  the  hand  cordially,  expressed  great  delight  in 
seeing  him,  gave  him  a  good  cigar  and  a  glass  of  wine, 
offered  him  the  use  of  his  library  and  the  freedom  of 
his  office,  treated  the  visit  as  a  friendly  call  and 
chided  him  for  not  sooner  calling,  and  expressed  a 
wish  to  render  the  collector  all  assistance  in  his  power 
for  advancement  in  the  legal  profession.  He  also 
introduced  him  to  his  associates  and  others  in  his 
office.  He  entertained  the  collector  so  royally  that 
he  left  without  presenting  the  bill  and  returned  it  to 
the  tailor,  stating  that  he  did  not  wish  to  take  the  case. 
The  disgusted  tailor  then  grabbed  the  bill,  and  with- 
out waiting  to  put  on  his  coat  started  for  Billie 's 
office.  There  he  learned  Billie  had  gone  home.  With 
zeal  still  unabated  he  went  straightway  to  Billie's 
residence,  determined  to  make  his  recreant  debtor 
discharge  his  obligation.  Billie  met  him  at  the  door 
with  an  appearance  of  great  delight,  ushered  him  into 
his  luxurious  parlor,  introduced  him  to  his  charming 
wife  and  daughter  and  insisted  upon  his  drinking  a 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  27 

glass  of  wine  and  staying  to  supper.  He  sent  out 
for  some  of  his  neighbors  to  come  in  and  provided 
the  tailor  with  a  coat  to  wear  at  the  impromptu 
reception.  He  commended  the  tailor  very  highly  as 
a  gentleman  and  a  scholar,  and  treated  him  with  such 
affectionate  regard  that  it  seemed  out  of  place  for  the 
tailor  to  mention  the  claim  that  he  had  come  to  col- 
lect, and  he  left  without  asking  for  his  account  but 
not  until  Billie  had  succeeded  in  getting  a  temporary 
loan  from  him  of  fifteen  dollars. 
"  Such  a  man  as  Billie  Goodfellow  rarely  finds  time 
to  learn  the  indices  to  a  law  library,  and  how  he  got 
his  license  no  one  knew.  It  is  probable  that  the 
favorable  breeze  that  had  fanned  him  in  other  pur- 
suits filled  his  sails  and  gave  his  light  bark  an  easy 
sailing  into  the  legal  harbor.  Occasionally  he  won 
a  case.  Courts  and  juries  sometimes  warped  the  law 
and  construed  the  evidence  in  favor  of  his  client  so 
as  to  give  Billie  the  victory.  Sometimes  the  opposing 
counsel  settled  with  Billie  out  of  a  desire  to  aid  him. 
He  was  able  by  his  peculiar,  ingenious  methods  to 
wiggle  many  persons  out  of  difficulty.  A  man  was  in- 
dicted in  five  counts  charged  with  forging  five  checks. 
He  first  employed  a  skilled  technical  lawyer.  After  a 
long  and  unsuccessful  legal  battle  over  the  form  and 
sufficiency  of  the  indictment,  this  lawyer,  having  no 
doubt  of  the  prisoner's  guilt,  gave  up  the  case  as  hope- 
less.    Then  the  accused  sent  for  Billie.     Billie  learned 


28  FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR 

that  the  prisoner  had  a  handsome  wife  and  a  young 
baby.  These  he  took  to  the  prosecuting  attorney  and 
fuially  persuaded  that  official  to  accept  a  plea  of  guilty 
on  one  charge  of  forgery  and  dismiss  the  others.  He 
then  took  the  wife  and  baby  to  the  judge  who  was  to 
pronounce  the  sentence,  and  worked  on  his  feelings. 
The  judge  might  have  sentenced  the  prisoner  to  the 
penitentiary  for  ten  years,  but  he  fixed  the  term  at 
six  months.  Billie  then  visited  the  sheriff  wuth  these 
two  objects  of  sympathy,  and  this  official  agreed  to 
delay  taking  the  culprit  to  the  penitentiary  for  two 
days.  Billie  then  took  his  aids  to  the  office  of  a 
friendly  physician  and  had  him  visit  the  prisoner 
and  make  affidavit  that  he  found  him  afflicted  with 
"Bright's  Disease,"  and  that  incarceration  in  the  peni- 
tentiary would  probably  hasten  his  death.  With  this 
affidavit  and  the  wife  and  baby  Billie  went  to  his 
friend  the  Governor  and  made  such  a  moving  plea 
that  his  excellency  granted  a  pardon  and  the  prisoner 
was  freed. 

A  large,  healthy-looking  woman  who  had  two  small 
children  was  arrested  for  selling  liquor  in  violation  of 
law.  Ten  different  offences  were  charged  against 
her.  She  employed  a  lawyer  who  was  a  noted  orator 
to  try  her  first  case.  She  came  into  court  dressed  in 
a  sealskin  cloak,  with  her  fingers  and  ears  ornamented 
with  gems.  She  was  painted  and  powdered,  and 
looked  like  the  "woman  of  Babylon."    All  that  the 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  29 

orator  could  say  did  not  save  her.  A  jury  of  pro- 
nounced prohibitionists  gathered  by  the  constable  for 
the  purpose  promptly  convicted  her,  and  she  appealed 
the  case.  This  orator  considered  it  useless  to  try  the 
other  cases,  and  asked  to  be  released  from  the  task. 
Then  Billie  vi^as  employed.  He  got  a  continuance  of 
the  case,  told  the  woman  to  move  out  to  a  sub- 
urb of  the  city,  rent  a  shanty  and  put  out  a  sign, 
"Washing  Done  Here,"  and  when  she  came  to  court 
to  appear  as  a  washerwoman,  unvarnished  and 
dressed  in  clean  but  plain  apparel,  and  bring  her 
children  with  her.  This  she  did.  The  prosecution 
proved  that  she  had  sold  a  glass  of  liquor  to  a  decoy 
sent  out  by  the  Temperance  Society.  The  jury  were 
prohibitionists  selected  from  the  crank  row,  but  they 
were  good  men  who  were  impressed  by  the  honest 
and  poverty-stricken  appearance  of  this  mother  and 
her  innocent  little  children  clinging  to  her.  Billie 's 
speech  was  short.  He  merely  said :  "My  dear  friends, 
I  do  not  think  our  noble  cause  of  temperance  will  be 
benefited  by  taking  these  children  from  their  mother 
and  thrusting  her  into  prison  where  she  can  earn  no 
money  to  support  them.  But  I  leave  the  matter  to 
you  with  the  understanding  that  if  you  convict  her 
you  and  my  friend  the  prosecuting  attorney  will  join 
me  in  making  up  a  purse  to  support  these  poor  chil- 
dren while  their  mother  languishes  in  prison."  The 
children  and  mother  both  began  crying,  the  prose- 


30  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

cuting  attorney  made  no  answer,  and  the  jury  retired 
and  returned  with  a  verdict  of  "Not  guilty,"  and  the 
other  cases  against  her  were  dismissed. 

A  man,  very  offensive,  who  had  just  returned  from 
serving  a  term  in  the  penitentiary,  was  indicted  on  the 
complaint  of  a  bright  little  girl  of  twelve  years  for  a 
criminal  assault  upon  her.  The  public  indignation 
was  so  great  against  the  prisoner  that  there  was 
danger  of  lynching,  and  he  had  difficulty  to  get  any 
attorney  to  undertake  his  defence.  Finally  he  con- 
vinced Billie  that  he  was  innocent  and  that  the  child 
had  been  induced  by  her  parents,  who  were  his  ene- 
mies, to  make  this  infamous  charge.  By  offering 
prizes  for  new  pupils,  Billie  succeeded  in  getting  the 
little  girl  to  become  a  member  of  his  Sunday  school 
class,  and  when  the  case  came  on  for  trial  an  enormous 
crowd,  eager  for  the  punishment  of  the  accused,  were 
treated  to  a  surprise.  The  child  was  put  upon  the 
witness  stand  and  questioned  by  the  prosecuting 
attorney,  and,  to  the  astonishment  of  all  but  Billie, 
she  contradicted  her  story  before  the  grand  jury  and 
swore  that  the  defendant  was  innocent,  and  the  court 
ordered  his  acquittal. 

In  another  case  a  man  was  indicted  for  horse  steal- 
ing. His  guilt  was  evident,  but  he  was  poor  and  had 
a  large  family,  and  Billie  undertook  his  defence.  He 
ascertained  that  the  thief  had  a  sister  who  was  a 
soldier's  widow  and  lived  in  a  little  cottage  on  a  small 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  31 

farm  which  her  husband  had  left  her.  He  got  one  of 
his  friends,  who  was  called  a  bail  shark,  to  go  on  the 
bail  bond  of  the  accused  and  take  as  security  a  mort- 
gage on  the  widow's  homestead.  Then  when  the 
thief  was  out  of  jail  he  disappeared  and  could  not  be 
found,  the  bail  shark  was  about  to  settle  the  bond 
and  foreclose  his  mortgage,  and  thus  the  widow  would 
be  made  homeless.  Billie  saw  some  old  soldier 
friends  of  his  and  they  brought  the  matter  to  the 
attention  of  the  Grand  Army  of  the  Republic,  and 
this  association,  to  save  the  widow's  homestead,  in- 
fluenced the  Governor  to  remit  the  forfeiture  of  the 
bond. 

Many  similar  instances  could  be  related  showing 
the  methods  by  which  Billie's  clients  often  profited 
by  his  services,  but  none  will  contend  he  was  a  real 
lawyer.  He  was  incompetent  to  advise  on  any  ab- 
struse law  point  or  to  make  an  argument  on  any 
difficult  legal  question.  While  he  might  sometimes 
cause  Justice  to  break  her  sword,  he  rarely  rendered 
the  blind  goddess  any  assistance  in  solving  her  diffi- 
cult problems. 


CHAPTER  lY 

The  Literary  Lawyer 

"JV^ EMBERS  of  the  legal  profession  are  often  enam- 
"*■  "^  ored  by  the  charms  of  literature.  The  student 
is  early  exposed  to  fascinating  books,  and  those  which 
give  him  the  most  pleasure  ordinarily  receive  the  most 
attention.  There  may  be  youths  who  yearn  for  scien- 
tific facts  and  statistics  and  take  intense  delight  in 
searching  for  the  actual  and  the  positive,  but  their 
minds  usually  prefer  the  highly  colored  exaggerations 
of  fancy  to  the  real  facts  of  everyday  life  and  the 
tested  truths  of  science.  It  has  never  been  consid- 
ered vicious  to  indulge  a  taste  for  literature,  and 
many  members  of  the  legal  profession  have  taken 
pride  in  their  excellence  in  this  respect. 

Reginald  Writer 
is  presented  as  a  type  of  the  literary  lawyer.  He  had 
fine  red  hair,  a  full  freckled  face,  was  small  in  stature 
and  neatly  constructed.  He  allowed  his  shining  locks 
to  grow  long,  pass  in  graceful  waves  over  his  noble 
brow,  and  behind  his  small  ears,  and  then  fall  upon 
his  bronzed  neck.  He  had  no  filthy  habits;  took  no 
interest  in  sports  or  games  of  chance;  considered 
ordinary  society  stupid,  and  sought  only  the  company 
32 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  33 

of  the  refined  and  literary.  These  were  usually  the 
delicate  sex.  He  could  recite  many  pages  from  works 
of  famous  English  poets  and  quote  liberally  from 
poets  in  other  languages.  He  could  recall  verses 
appropriate  to  any  subject  suggested.  He  was  hap- 
piest when  surrounded  by  admiring  friends  who  were 
listening  and  commenting  on  his  exquisite  taste  and 
marvelous  memory.  Nor  was  he  content  with  quo- 
tations. He  spent  many  days  and  nights  in  framing, 
smoothing  out,  and  stringing  together  effusions  of  his 
own.  By  unusual  words  linked  with  classic  references 
he  expressed  the  usual  feelings  that  animated  him 
and  read  these  to  his  pretended  admirers,  who  would 
listen  and  try  to  look  pleased.  But  poetry  was  not 
his  only  ambition.  He  became  familiar  with  the 
most  prominent  fiction  writers,  ancient  and  modern. 
He  obtained  and  read  the  latest  novels  by  the  best 
authors,  determined  that  no  one  should  speak  of  a 
new  book  in  his  presence  and  compel  him  to  be  dumb. 
His  eyelids  were  often  red  with  excessive  reading,  and 
a  hacking  cough  told  of  weak  lungs  acquired  in  the 
same  way.  His  mind  collected  and  stored  away  the 
cream  of  all  he  read,  and  he  could  quickly  present  a 
delicious  mixture  on  any  subject  whenever  he  desired. 
Consequently  his  society  was  eagerly  sought  for,  and 
wherever  he  appeared  multitudes  gathered  to  enjoy 
the  delightful  droppings  from  his  tongue.  But  liter- 
ature was  not  his  profession.     He  offered  his  services 


34  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

to  the  public  as  a  lawyer.  He  had  a  beautiful  office. 
Its  walls  were  ornamented  with  portraits.  Its  niches 
were  made  attractive  by  busts.  But  they  were  not 
portraits  or  busts  of  prominent  lawyers.  Richly- 
carved  bookcases  contained  many  splendidly  bound 
books,  but  they  were  not  statutes  or  treatises  upon 
law.  His  speeches  in  court  were  models  of  rhetoric, 
but  they  were  not  encumbered  with  citations  from 
legal  treatises  or  reports.  When  his  case  terminated 
unfavorably  his  description  of  the  stupidity  and  de- 
pravity of  the  judge  and  jury  was  in  elegant  diction. 
It  was  a  pleasure  to  hear  his  clear,  sweet  voice  and  bril- 
liant sentences  either  when  talking  to  the  court  or  jury 
or  in  talking  about  them.  All  conceded  that  Regi- 
nald was  a  rare  gentleman  and  a  scholar,  who  added 
grace  and  dignity  to  his  profession.  Few  stopped  to 
inquire  what  proportion  of  his  cases  ended  disas- 
trously, or  to  note  that  in  the  learning  of  his  profession 
he  was  in  fact  an  ignoramus.  Charmed  by  his  man- 
ners and  his  eloquence,  his  clients  were  unable  to  see 
why  they  were  not  wise  in  selecting  him  as  their  law- 
yer. Thus  upon  the  altar  of  literary  excellence  the 
rights  of  many  were  sacrificed. 

The  literary  lawyer  is  sometimes  required  to  speak 
on  a  theme  not  adapted  to  the  delicate  tracery  of  his 
style.  Then  his  liquid  lines  appear  grotesque.  As 
an  illustration  take  Reginald's  great  speech  in  the 
"Scratch  Case." 


{ 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  35 

Miss  Mehitable  Scratch  was  a  maiden  lady  who 
had  an  inordinate  love  for  a  bull  pug.  To  provide  milk 
for  her  dear  dog  it  was  claimed  that  she  infracted  "the 
statutes  in  such  cases  made  and  provided"  by  clan- 
destinely catching  and  milking  a  nannie  goat  belong- 
ing to  Zabriskie  Slobelobsky.  The  owner  of  the  goat 
had  her  arrested  for  stealing  milk,  and  Reginald  was 
employed  to  defend  her.  His  speech  cannot  be  in- 
serted in  full,  and  these  extracts  give  an  inadequate 
idea  of  its  excellence: 

"The  saffron  morn,"  he  said,  "o'erspread  the  orient 
with  rosy  blushes  when  this  tender  maid  tripped 
forth  on  her  loving  errand.  Her  light  and  gentle  foot 
scarcely  brushed  the  dew  that  bejeweled  the  verdant 
lawn  as  she  flew  like  a  matin  bird  to  the  home  of  this 
solitary  goat.  Little  recked  she  that  this  benevolent 
animal,  with  udders  swelling  v^^ith  the  nourishing 
nectar,  had  an  owner,  with  heart  so  flinty  and  soul  so 
sordid,  as  to  deny  to  her  beloved  canine  the  juice  so 
necessary  to  its  life.  Had  she  so  opined  she  might  have 
chosen  instead  midnight's  dun  and  dreadful  hour, 
when  the  depraved  Slobelobsky  was  enchained  in 
rancid  dreams  and  her  visit  would  have  been  hid  in 
sweet  oblivion.  But  love,  unselfish,  overwhelming 
love,  that  bursts  the  bud  of  every  noble  purpose,  so 
filled  her  with  its  thrill  that  she  thought  only  of  her 
cherished  pet,  her  faithful,  mild-eyed,  ever-constant 
pug,  whose  thirsty  throat  was  parching  for  the  milk 


36  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

this  whiskered  goat  so  readily  could  yield.  Mean- 
while, this  Slobelobsky  lay  in  wait,  guarding  his  goat 
with  jealous  eye,  deaf  to  the  hungry  whinings  of  the 
noble  pug,  hoarding  its  milk  as  misers  do  their  gold, 
perceived  her  soft  approach,  and  ere  she  had  drawn 
forth  a  dozen  drops,  thv/arted  her  holy  purpose, 
nabbed  her,  and  dragged  her  from  his  goat,  and  now 
seeks  her  undoing.  Thinks  he  a  jury  have  no  hearts 
to  feel  the  dint  of  pity,  that  they  are  blind  to  maiden's 
modest  love?  This  pug  was  all  she  had  to  call  her 
own.  Her  heart's  pure  love  was  centered  on  her 
pug.  The  pangs  of  hunger  that  he  felt  pierced  to  her 
inmost  soul.  Her  nightly  prayers  to  heaven  were  for 
her  pet — that  every  breeze  should  fan  him  lightly, 
and  bathe  him  in  the  balm  of  many  blossoms.  Could 
she  see  Slobelobsky's  goat  o'ercharged  with  milk, 
until  its  creamy  fluid  dripped  useless  on  the  ground, 
and  take  no  steps  to  slake  her  famished  pug?  Oh, 
ye  immortal  gods !  It  was  not  possible.  True,  Slob- 
elobsky owned  the  goat,  and,  technically,  could  claim 
its  milk,  but  what  are  barren  technicalities  when 
fencing  'gainst  the  pangs  of  hunger?  Mere  webs  of 
gossamer  that  float  upon  the  sum.mer  air.  'Twas 
said  by  Avon's  mighty  bard;  'The  quality  of  mercy 
is  not  strained,  it  droppeth  like  the  gentle  dew  from 
heaven  upon  the  place  beneath' — "etc. 

Then   proceeding   to   the   end   with   the   familiar 
quotation  he  closed  with  a  piteous  plea  for  mercy  for 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  37 

the  fond  Mehitabel.  His  opponent  was  not  an  orator. 
He  merely  suggested  that  this  hght  footed  maiden, 
should  not  be  so  light  fingered.  That  she  should 
love  justice  more  and  pug  dogs  less  and  not  rob 
Slobelobsky's  children  of  their  needed  milk  to  make 
wrinkles  on  this  wall-eyed  lump  of  lazy  fat.  He 
admitted  that  the  quality  of  mercy  was  not  strained, 
and  neither  was  the  goat's  milk.  But  it  did  not 
drop  like  the  gentle  dew  from  heaven  but  was  ex- 
tracted from  the  fodder  Slobelobsky's  hands  had 
provided.  No  amount  of  misdirected  affection  for 
this  bunch  of  adipose  tissue  was  an  excuse  for  steal- 
ing milk. 

The  misguided  maiden  was  convicted  but  her 
sentence  was  light. 

It  was  usually  on  such  flights  of  rhetoric  that 
Reginald  relied  and  sometimes  they  were  effective 
but  usually  they  were  avoided  by  points  of  law  which 
he  was  not  prepared  to  discuss  or  did  not  understand. 
The  time  was  when  law  books  were  so  few  and  legal 
principles  so  scant  and  unsettled  that  a  lawyer  could 
successfully  devote  a  great  part  of  his  time  to  general 
reading  and  achieve  the  highest  success  at  the  bar. 
But  now  so  great  has  become  the  number  of  estab- 
lished legal  principles  and  so  numerous  the  decisions 
that  qualify  them,  so  varied  and  complex  the  statutes 
and  ordinances  that  relate  to  them  and  so  technical 
the  rules  of  practice,  that  an  extensive  knowledge 


4-3SB66 


38  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


of  law  books  is  indispensable.  There  is  also  an  ever 
increasing  domain  of  scientific  knowledge,  which  is 
intimately  connected  with  the  facts  involved  in  most 
lawsuits.  Success  depends  more  upon  close  examina- 
tion and  an  accurate  perception  of  facts  and  legal 
principles  than  upon  feelings  and  fancies.  The 
lawyer  who  now  devotes  much  time  to  far-fetched 
works  of  the  imagination  is  likely  to  be  but  poorly 
equipped  for  his  task.  He  may  to  some  extent  revel 
in  the  delights  of  literature  and  yet  do  satisfactory 
legal  work,  but  he  must  not  drift  too  far  from  shore  or 
fly  too  high  above  the  solid  ground. 


CHAPTER  V 

The  Desire  for  Office 

T)ROB  ABLY  every  male  citizen  of  the  United  States 
■^  has  felt  at  some  time  a  desire  to  occupy  an  official 
position.  To  hold  office  is  believed  to  be  glorious 
despite  the  fact  that  nothing  is  added  to  the  character 
or  quality  of  the  individual  thereby.  So  well  nigh 
universal  is  this  belief  that  no  office  however  meager 
its  functions,  is  without  a  charm  that  attracts  many 
competing  candidates.  Even  the  opportunity  to 
guard  the  outside  door  of  a  voluntary  association  is 
sufficient  to  attract  numerous  aspirants  and  the  one 
elected  feels  exalted  and  is  exalted  in  the  eyes  of  his 
fellows.  The  notion  that  an  officer  is  a  superior 
being  is  a  survival  of  monarchy,  wherein  the  King 
claimed  to  be  God's  anointed,  and  those  who  held 
official  positions  under  him  were  considered  as  in- 
directly selected  by  Deity  on  account  of  their  particular 
fitness  to  discharge  a  divine  function.  We  reject  the 
doctrine  of  the  Divine  right  of  kings,  but  we  have  coined 
the  phrase  "The  voice  of  the  people  is  the  voice  of 
God"  and  thus  set  up  a  fetich  of  the  same  nature.  The 
most  desirable  position  for  the  individual  would  seem 
to  be  the  one  where  the  largest  compensation  is  paid 
39 


40  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

for  the  least  labor,  care  and  responsibility,  and  where 
the  highest  degree  of  personal  liberty  is  permitted. 
Most  offices  are  in  this  respect  undesirable;  the  oc- 
cupant being  the  servant  of  several  masters  and 
clothed  with  heavy  responsibilities.  The  number  of 
such  masters  and  the  weight  of  responsibilities  usually 
increase  as  the  importance  of  the  office  increases, 
so  that  in  the  highest  offices  the  occupant  has  but 
small  time  for  rest,  little  liberty  of  action,  scant 
privacy,  and  is  so  loaded  with  responsibility  that  he 
has  no  peace  and  his  principal  enjoyment  is  that 
small  satisfaction  which  an  ambitious  egotist  takes 
in  giving  orders  and  in  occupying  a  conspicuous 
place.  But  no  amount  of  wisdom  is  sufficient  to 
protect  the  average  man  against  this  craving  for 
public  office,  and  the  lawyer  is  no  exception.  From 
early  infancy  his  ears  have  been  filled  with  the  proph- 
ecies of  doting  parents  and  admiring  friends  predicting 
for  him  the  highest  places  in  the  country.  Many  of 
the  books  he  has  read  tell  of  young  lawyers  who  have 
thus  won  deathless  fame.  Every  newspaper  either 
directly  or  indirectly  exalts  and  glorifies  persons  in 
official  positions.  When  an  occasion  has  required 
an  orator  to  address  the  public  some  prominent 
official  has  usually  been  selected  even  though  known 
to  be  the  dullest  and  weariest  of  speakers.  A  tongue- 
tied  public  officer  has  been  preferred  to  a  real  orator 
who  occupied  no  official  position.     When  great  cases 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  41 

have  occurred  attracting  wide  attention  and  justified 
the  payment  of  large  fees  his  fooUsh  neighbors  have 
gone  far  to  procure  the  services  of  some  prominent 
public  official  or  ex-public  official,  who  has  had  small 
learning  and  less  experience  in  the  law  and  this  only 
as  incidents  to  his  political  experience,  preferring 
him  to  the  expert  lawyer  who  has  never  sought  or 
held  a  public  office.  These  facts  turn  the  heads  of 
ambitious  young  lawyers  in  the  direction  of  politics 
to  the  injury  of  the  legal  profession. 

There  was  a  time  in  the  history  of  this  government, 
when  the  domain  of  knowledge  necessary  to  be  covered 
by  members  of  the  bar  was  not  so  large  as  to  prevent 
a  concurrent  practice  of  politics.  But  so  greatly 
has  this  domain  now  expanded  that  an  expert  lawyer 
is  allowed  no  time  for  outside  exploits.  Meanwhile 
the  practice  of  politics  has  become  a  profession 
requiring  for  its  successful  pursuit  all  the  time  and 
energies  of  which  any  person  is  capable.  The 
politician  has  no  period  when  he  can  carefully  pursue 
legal  studies  or  consider  legal  propositions.  The 
lawyer  who  tries  to  practice  politics  and  the  politi- 
cian who  attempts  to  practice  law  are  not  likely 
to  meet  with  any  real  success  in  either  profession. 
Such  may  use  the  legal  profession  as  a  cover  for 
dirty  political  work,  or  may  use  the  profession  of 
politics  as  an  excuse  for  doing  corrupt  and  unpro- 
fessional legal  work,  and  may  make  money  by  the 


42  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

twin  devices.  The  same  person  will  rarely  become 
a  thorough  politician  in  the  highest  sense  and  an 
expert  and  honorable  lawyer.  Many  good  persons 
however  have  thought  otherwise  and  have  faithfully 
tried  to  serve  the  two  mistresses.  There  are  different 
channels  by  which  young  lawyers  may  thus  be  led 
astray.     Let  me  here  illustrate. — 

Lawrence  Lobby 

Lawrence  Lobby,  was  by  nature  fitted  to  take 
high  rank  in  the  law.  He  had  a  broad,  noble  brow, 
large  sparkling  blue  eyes,  a  Byronic  mouth  and 
classical  nose;  was  tall,  straight  and  well  propor- 
tioned, and  unusually  graceful  in  his  motions.  He 
possessed  remarkable  fluency  in  language,  a  retentive 
memory  and  a  keen  and  discriminating  intelligence. 
Many  who  saw  him  and  heard  him  speak  pronounced 
him  a  man  that  nature  had  fashioned  especially  for 
the  law.  By  energy,  economy  and  close  attention  to 
his  studies  he  graduated  with  honors  both  in  the 
classical  and  law  departments  of  one  of  the  best 
universities  and  was  at  once  welcomed  into  a  promi- 
nent law  firm  where  he  found  a  fine  library,  competent 
assistants  and  advisers  to  aid  him,  and  clients  wait- 
ing to  employ  his  services.  The  firm  which  he  had 
entered  did  a  large  corporation  business  and  had 
many  clients  engaged  in  interstate  commerce.  These 
were  often  made  victims  of  unfavorable  legislation 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  43 

by  the  State  Legislatures  and  the  National  Congress 
and  were  frequently  put  in  much  trepidation  by 
threats  of  such  legislation.  It  seemed  as  if  these 
bodies  soon  after  assembling  had  selected  the  corpora- 
tions vulnerable  to  such  assaults  and  had  prepared 
and  referred  to  committees  bills  calculated  to  frighten 
these  corporations  into  making  strenuous  efforts  to 
prevent  vicious  legislation.  This  made  a  demand 
for  what  is  known  as  a  political  department  and  the 
suavity,  grace  and  fine  address,  of  young  Lobby, 
were  soon  utilized  for  the  purpose  of  conducting  this 
political  department.  It  was  not  long  before  he 
found  himself  mired  neck-deep  in  politics. 

It  was  his  duty  to  become  acquainted  with  politi- 
cians and  public  officers,  to  organize  and  manipulate 
machines,  to  'conduct  banquets,  special  excursions 
and  arrange  tours  for  the  purpose  of  cultivating  the 
acquaintance  and  winning  the  favor  of  legislators, 
members  of  Congress,  judges  and  other  officials. 
He  became  a  distributor  of  railroad  passes,  gifts, 
and  other  special  favors,  the  chief  center  of  a  sphere 
of  influence  which  covered  a  wide  area.  He  held 
many  interviews  by  day  and  attended  many  functions 
at  night.  He  soon  got  "in  the  swim,"  became 
one  of  the  charmed  circle  and  was  conspicuous  in  the 
public  eye  as  one  of  the  political  darlings  of  the  nation. 
He  was  at  home  in  the  society  of  the  wealthy  and  a 
graceful  courtier  at  the  feet  of  the  very  rich.    He 


44  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

indulged  in  all  luxuries,  reared  his  children  in  an 
atmosphere  of  splendor,  accumulated  much  wealth 
and  was  widely  known.  He  pretended  to  be  a 
lawyer  and  was  sometimes  employed  to  act  as  one 
in  important  cases,  but  his  principal  services  were  in 
the  line  of  politics.  The  political  influence  he  had 
thus  acquired  made  him  especially  valuable  in  pro- 
curing and  preventing  legislation.  Take  a  few 
samples  of  his  efforts  in  this  respect. 

It  was  learned  that  heirs  to  a  large  estate  were 
intending  to  contest  the  will.  The  existing  law 
allowed  two  years  after  the  death  of  the  testator 
to  begin  such  proceedings.  One  year  had  been 
permitted  to  elapse  without  bringing  suit,  and  Law- 
rence Lobby  was  employed  to  defend  against  the 
threatened  contest.  He  induced  the  Legislature  to 
amend  the  law  so  as  to  allow  but  one  year  after  the 
death  to  bring  the  suit  in  such  a  case.  Thus  the 
contest  was  prevented.  Another  method  he  employed 
in  defending  a  suit  was  to  get  the  Legislature  to 
repeal  the  law  giving  the  right  of  action  after  the  suit 
was  begun.  His  methods  of  preventing  legislation 
were  to  induce  the  member  having  charge  of  the  bill 
to  delay  or  withdraw  it,  or  perhaps  procure  some 
clerk  to  steal  and  secrete  it  when  too  late  to  sub- 
stitute another.  Sometimes  he  frightened  the  member 
urging  its  passage  by  getting  many  of  his  influential 
constituents  to  sign  a  protest  against  the  bill.     Some- 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  45 

times  both  methods  were  employed.  He  was  espe- 
cially useful  in  getting  the  allowance  of  claims  by 
Congress  or  the  State  Legislature.  These  claims 
were  usually  apocryphal.     Take  a  few  instances: 

Suppose  that  General  Washington,  on  his  way  to 
New  York  to  be  inaugurated  President  of  the  United 
States  had  met  with  an  accident;  that  his  horse  had 
been  lamed  and  he  had  borrowed  one  from  a  farmer 
and  had  failed  to  return  it.  Suppose  the  descend- 
ants of  this  farmer  now  make  a  claim  against  the 
United  States  for  the  value  of  this  horse  and  interest 
thereon.  Lawrence  Lobby  here  would  be  useful. 
Of  course  he  would  claim  that  the  animal  was 
of  remarkably  rare  breed  and  that  his  value 
with  interest  would  amount  to  many  thousand 
dollars.  Or  suppose  when  General  Washington 
was  crossing  the  Delaware  to  capture  the  Hessians 
he  had  used  boats  belonging  to  a  Navigation  Company 
and  failed  to  take  good  care  of  them  and  to  pay 
either  for  the  damage  done  or  for  the  use  of  the 
boats.  The  claim  that  Lobby  would  make  against 
the  Government  with  accumulated  interest  would 
amount  to  a  colossal  sum.  Or  suppose  that  when 
the  battle  of  Bunker  Hill  was  fought,  some  of  the 
brave  Continentals  had  run  over  a  bean-patch  be- 
longing to  a  Boston  gardener,  and  the  descendants 
of  the  owner  of  this  bean-patch  had  employed  Lobby 
to  recover  damages,  he  would  certainly  have  claimed 


46  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

that  there  had  been  the  destruction  of  the  finest  collec- 
tion of  green  beans  that  Boston  ever  knew.  The 
alleged  value  of  the  vegetables  thus  destroyed  would 
be  prodigious,  and  the  interest  since  accumulated 
thereon  amount  to  enough  to  make  even  a  billion 
dollar  Congress  pause. 

Who  would  be  so  unpatriotic  as  to  oppose  the 
payment  of  such  claims?  What  worthy  descendant 
of  our  brave  sires  would  dishonor  their  names  by 
repudiating  the  obligations  they  had  thus  contracted. 
The  Government  then  so  poor,  and  now  gorged 
with  wealth,  it  would  be  claimed  could  well  afford  to 
reward  with  lavish  hand  the  heirs  of  the  original 
creditors,  for  the  patient  waiting  of  their  ancestors. 

The  fine  features  and  persuasive  voice  of  Lawrence 
Lobby  were  especially  useful  in  refreshing  such 
stale  claims.  Thus  his  splendid  intellect  capable  of 
rendering  such  valuable  service  to  his  country  was  per- 
verted into  channels  for  corrupting  the  public  morals 
and  despoiling  multitudes  of  his  fellow  citizens.  He 
had  his  day  of  seeming  triumph  but  he  felt  not  the 
satisfaction  that  comes  to  an  upright  and  skillful 
lawyer  in  the  honorable  discharge  of  the  duties  of 
his  profession.  The  fawning  crowd  that  profited 
by  aiding  him  in  his  nefarious  schemes  and  even  his 
corrupt  employers  really  despised  him  on  account 
of  the  character  of  his  services. 


CHAPTER  VI 
Desire  for  Office,  Continued 

Peter  Protest 

'TpAKE  another  example  of  a  lawyer  led  astray 
by  politics. 
Peter  Protest  was  awkward  and  ungainly  in  ap- 
pearance, had  stooped  shoulders,  sunken  eyes, 
beetling  eye-brows,  high  cheek  bones,  large  jointed 
hands,  unusually  large  feet,  a  crooked  neck,  an 
irregular  and  slanting  mouth,  and  a  dark,  bilious 
complexion.  But  what  nature  had  denied  him  in 
personal  charms  she  had  made  up  to  him  in  mental 
and  spiritual  unfold  ment.  He  early  evinced  a 
taste  for  learning.  He  eschewed  all  games  and 
resisted  the  allurements  of  pleasure.  His  companions 
were  his  books.  When  he  became  a  man  he  chose 
the  legal  profession  and  by  steady  diligence  filled 
his  retentive  memory  with  the  general  principles  of 
jurisprudence.  Without  aid  from  the  schools  he 
became  able  to  try  with  unusual  skill  such  cases  as 
come  to  a  young  lawyer.  His  success  rapidly  adver- 
tised his  talents.  His  services  were  sought  by  many 
clients  willing  to  pay  liberally  and  he  might  have 
become  a  great  lawyer  but  for  this:  Early  in  life 
47 


48  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

he  had  felt  the  injustice  apparent  in  human  society 
and  noted  the  unequal  distribution  of  the  earnings  of 
labor.  His  kind  heart  and  courageous  nature  prompted 
him  to  strive  for  a  remedy.  This  is  a  noble  am- 
bition and  when  it  has  once  entered  the  soul  it  takes 
such  root  that  all  else  must  yield  to  its  indulgence. 
Animated  by  this  spirit  he  entered  politics  where 
he  championed  the  cause  of  the  weak  and  wretched 
against  the  prosperous  and  powerful.  He  became 
the  leader  of  an  awkward  squad,  poorly  organized, 
rent  with  dissensions,  full  of  distress,  loaded  with 
grievances,  but  very  numerous  and  determined  to 
change  if  possible  the  social  conditions.  These 
were  opposed  by  a  host  thoroughly  organized,  well 
provisioned,  proud,  self-complacent,  strongly  en- 
trenched and  provided  with  the  most  effective  weapons. 
He  was  usually  defeated  in  his  political  efforts  but 
thereby  he  became  more  firmly  convinced  of  the 
justice  of  his  cause,  the  depravity  of  his  adversaries 
and  the  stronger  in  his  determination  to  sacrifice 
himself  for  its  benefit.  So  he  tightened  up  his  armor 
with  undiminished  zeal  for  another  combat.  Yet 
he  sought  employment  as  a  lawyer  and  took  cases 
of  the  most  important  character.  After  he  became 
fully  identified  with  the  cause  of  the  oppressed  his 
clients  were  mostly  the  poor  and  he  was  of  course 
unable  to  give  but  slight  attention  to  their  matters. 
His  practice  covered  a  wide  range  and  as  the  poor 


FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR  19 

man's  lawyer  there  came  to  him  a  great  variety  of 
damage  claims  to  be  collected  on  shares.  The  noto- 
riety he  had  acquired  in  politics  brought  to  him  the 
halt,  the  crippled  and  the  feeble-minded  of  both 
sexes.  He  was  often  made  the  victim  of  misplaced 
confidence.  His  poverty-stricken  clients  for  whom 
he  had  toiled  diligently  in  prosecuting  suits  frequently 
settled  behind  his  back  and  for  his  share  of  the 
fruits  gave  him  the  icy  stare.  The  miserable  rascals 
he  had  worked  so  hard  to  defend  usually  made  no 
effort  to  pay  him  and  while  he  was  congratulating 
one  of  them  on  his  acquittal  the  culprit  stole  his 
watch.  He  secured  the  release  of  a  client  charged 
with  murder  on  the  ground  that  he  was  insane  at  the 
time  he  did  the  killing.  When  Protest  had  to  sue 
on  the  contract  for  his  pay,  the  assassin  plead  insanity 
to  avoid  the  contract.  With  much  sympathy  and 
zeal  he  prosecuted  a  claim  for  damages  made  by  a 
woman  against  a  preacher  for  kissing  her  and  after 
the  case  was  ended  she  paid  Protest  for  his  services 
by  suing  him  for  a  breach  of  promise.  When 
fifty  members  of  the  miner's  Committee  were  ar- 
rested in  mid-winter  by  a  combination  of  coal 
companies  to  suppress  a  strike,  he  contributed  from 
his  own  funds  to  fill  the  empty  coal  boxes  and 
scanty  cupboards  around  which  their  poor  families 
shivered  while  husbands  and  fathers  were  in  jail; 
he  went  before  the  court  and  by  his  eloquence  secured 


50  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

their  acquittal,  charged  nothing  and  paid  his  own 
expenses.  The  following  Autumn  when  he  was  running 
for  the  Legislature  against  the  attorney  who  had 
tried  the  case  against  this  committee  they  furnished 
the  votes  to  defeat  Protest,  although  he  was  the 
regular  candidate  on  the  labor  ticket.  In  the  fumes 
of  liquor  purchased  for  them  by  his  opponent  all 
recollection  of  obligation  to  him  was  quenched. 
In  a  city  where  50,000  laboring  men  strained  their 
throats  cheering  for  him  as  a  candidate  he  got  less 
than  500  votes.  While  making  an  earnest  plea  for 
justice  for  the  poor  before  an  audience  of  his  constitu- 
ents one  of  them  stole  his  overcoat.  But  these  were 
trifles.  He  was  seldom  appreciated  by  the  poor  or 
understood  by  the  rich.  The  silk  tiles  and  ostrich 
plumes  nodded  scornfully  and  passed  by  on  the  other 
side.  The  wool  hats  and  straw  bonnets  treated 
him  with  complacent  contempt.  The  champions 
of  vested  interests  dubbed  him  a  demagogue  and  the 
unthinking  considered  him  a  crank.  But  he  toiled 
on  cultivating  the  stony  land  of  self-sacrifice,  pierced 
by  the  shafts  of  malice,  torn  by  the  briers  of  ingrati- 
tude, waiting  for  scant  justice  in  an  epitaph,  or  a 
reward  in  heaven.  His  ears  were  filled  with  cries 
of  distress,  his  eyes  were  assailed  by  spectacles  of 
squalor,  above  him  the  threatening  heavens  lowered 
tempestuously  and  about  him  the  ocean  of  human 
passions    raged    furiously.     He    had    no    chart,    no 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  51 

compass  and  no  guide,  except  a  pale  star  seen  only 
by  faith  through  impenetrable  clouds,  the  feeble  hope 
that  when  he  had  done  his  best  somehow  and  some- 
time justice  would  come. 

How  could  a  person  so  situated  find  time  to  care- 
fully prepare  for  the  trial  of  a  lawsuit  or  the  seclusion 
to  analyze  cases  and  observe  the  nice  distinctions  made 
by  the  courts?  Yet  he  did  make  the  attempt  and 
won  some  cases;  but  great  were  the  losses  sustained 
by  many  of  his  admirers  who  employed  him  to  repre- 
sent them  in  court.  The  multitude  of  his  engage- 
ments caused  many  delays  and  continuances  and 
when  finally  he  got  a  furlough  from  the  political 
army  long  enough  to  try  a  case  he  had  made  no 
preparation  and  his  mind  was  in  a  nebulous  condition 
imfit  to  undertake  the  task.  The  knowledge  he 
acquired  by  early  reading  was  erased  by  his  political 
experience  and  what  he  had  acquired  since  was  by 
attrition  and  of  the  most  unreliable  character.  He 
often  talked  with  great  energy  but  it  was  like  one  lost 
in  a  wilderness  trying  by  loud  shouting  to  attract  at- 
tention and  succour.  He  was  in  constant  danger  of 
being  entrapped  by  his  adversary  and  what  success 
he  had  was  attained  by  main  strength  and  awkward- 
ness. So  frequently  was  he  defeated  because  of 
his  ignorance  of  the  law  and  the  technical  rules  of 
procedure,  so  often  did  justice  flounder  and  miscarry 
because  of  his  inability  to  guide  her,  that  he  lost 


52  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

confidence  in  the  courts,  became  sour,  sarcastic  and 
vituperative  against  the  occupants  of  the  bench, 
acquired  a  hatred  for  the  successful  and  could  not 
favorably  consider  any  question  arising  in  litigation. 
Thus  one  who  might  have  been  a  great  lawyer  be- 
came a  sad,  disappointed  and  unsuccessful  politician. 
There  are  many  other  ways  by  which  the  lawyer 
is  lured  into  politics  besides  the  two  we  have  pointed 
out.  His  fellow  citizens  may  induce  him  to  accept 
office  in  some  branch  of  the  government  that  he  may 
engraft  on  the  statute  some  special  notion  entertained 
by  him  or  he  may  resort  to  political  work  for  noto- 
riety and  acquaintance;  but  through  whatever  gate 
he  enters  if  he  once  gets  well  into  the  fray,  he  will 
probably  never  return  to  the  practice  of  his 
profession  with  undivided  zeal  and  consecration. 
My  views  on  this  subject  will  probably  be  sharply 
challenged  by  the  reader.  He  will  recall  the  names 
of  many  famous  politicians  who  were  lawyers,  and 
ask  if  the  writer  does  not  consider  them  well  qualified 
as  such?  My  answer  is,  if  there  have  been  any  ex- 
pert politicians  who  have  in  fact  been  fully  equipped 
lawyers,  up  to  date  in  all  the  learning  of  the  profession, 
who  have  been  fully  posted  in  the  latest  decisions 
and  acts  of  legislature,  the  rules  of  practice  and 
of  evidence,  then  they  are  exceptions.  I  do  not 
say  that  such  a  union  is  impossible  but  only  that  it  is 
not  likely  to  occur.     It  is  very  hazardous  for  the 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  53 

public  to  employ  a  politician  for  legal  work,  and  the 
fact  that  they  often  do  so  accounts  for  much  of  the 
lack  of  success  which  they  have  in  their  legal  business. 
Where  private  parties  engage  the  services  of  notorious 
politicians  to  conduct  important  suits  they  seldom 
receive  the  worth  of  their  money.  These  notorious 
men  exact  excessive  pay  for  their  services  and  in 
most  cases  contribute  no  strength  to  the  case,  but 
stir  the  opposition  into  greater  efiforts,  cause  the  suit  to 
become  notorious,  put  the  judge  and  jury  on  parade 
and  make  the  proceeding  last  a  much  longer  time 
than  it  otherwise  would.  When  the  public  becomes 
suflBciently  discriminating  they  will  no  more  think 
of  employing  a  politician  to  try  a  lawsuit  than  to 
perform  a  surgical  operation  or  to  design  a  great 
public  work.  The  ambitious  youth  should  decide 
which  profession  he  prefers  and  if  he  decides  to  be  a 
lawyer  concentrate  his  entire  efforts  in  that  direction. 


CHAPTER  VII 


The  Business  Agent 


T  AWYERS  are  often  consulted  relative  to  the  con- 
"^  duct  of  business  enterprises.  This  practice  has 
grown  until  a  large  part  of  the  world's  business  is 
directed  and  controlled  by  persons  who  originally 
started  out  for  a  professional  career.  From  counsellors 
in  matters  of  law  the  transition  is  easy  to  advisers  in 
the  conduct  of  business,  and  from  the  latter  position  the 
path  is  direct  to  a  point  where  the  lawyer  becomes  a 
mere  business  agent.  By  such  most  of  the  great  estates 
left  in  the  hands  of  inexperienced  heirs  are  managed 
and  the  great  corporations  and  combinations  are 
formed  and  directed.  The  lawyer  sometimes  in- 
herits or  acquires  wealth  of  his  own  and  embarks 
in  such  enterprises  on  his  own  account.  Persons 
combining  a  legal  training  with  the  ordinary  business 
capacity  and  appetite  for  gain  are  usually  more  than 
a  match  for  competitors  who  have  had  no  such  train- 
ing, and  they  often  acquire  great  fortunes.  But  the 
effect  of  this  departure  is  serious  upon  the  profession 
of  the  law  and  upon  public  morals.  The  false 
notion  prevails  that  one  who  has  been  once  admitted 
to  the  bar  should  be  reckoned  as  a  lawyer  as  long  as 
he  lives  and  all  the  high  crimes,  misdemeanors, 
54 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  55 

trickery  and  fraudulent  practices  indulged  in  by 
these  business  agents  are  charged  to  the  legal  pro- 
fession. These  vampires  of  greed  are  merely  prosti- 
tuting their  little  knowledge  of  the  law  for  fraudulent 
purposes.  They  are  not  in  any  sense  real  lawyers 
and  their  depredations  should  not  be  charged  to  the 
profession.  The  lawyer  should  care  more  for  knowl- 
edge and  skill  in  his  profession  than  for  wealth. 
His  clients  will  cheerfully  provide  him  with  all  the 
money  he  requires  in  the  habits  of  life  fitted  to  his 
career.  An  intelligent  management  of  his  affairs 
will  free  him  from  financial  entanglements  and  he 
need  not  seek  wealth  for  wealth's  sake.  He  should 
have  ever  before  his  mind  the  image  of  legal  justice  and 
his  dearest  quest  should  be  to  ascertain  the  exact  facts 
and  the  precise  law  necessary  to  obtain  it.  But  all  those 
who  practice  law  do  not  entertain  such  exalted  ideas. 
Many  have  so  conducted  themselves  as  to  merit  the 
gibe  contained  in  the  story  told  of  a  highwa\Tnan, 
whose  victim  remained  silent  while  being  deprived 
of  all  his  clothing  but  when  the  Knight  of  the  road 
began  to  tear  off  his  porous  plaster  he  inquired 
where  the  robber  had  learned  to  practice  law. 
Let  me  show  the  genesis  of  this  brand  of  lawyers. 

Handy  Skinner 

Handy  Skinner's  father  was  a  horse  trader.     His 
mother   kept  a   grocery  store.     He   early  exhibited 


56  FOIBLES   OF  THE  BAR 

the  trading  instinct.  One  of  his  first  questions  when 
he  met  you  was  "Have  you  anything  to  trade?" 
He  was  anxious  at  all  times  to  trade  anything  or 
everything  which  he  possessed  for  something  that 
you  possessed,  provided  of  course  that  he  could 
get  the  best  of  the  bargain.  His  small,  sharp,  brown 
eyes,  thin  face,  hawk  nose,  and  pointed  chin,  gave 
him  a  shrewd  appearance.  His  motions  were 
catUke.  He  was  always  pumping  for  information  and 
imparting  none  himself,  except  such  as  would  be  to 
his  personal  advantage  or  aid  him  in  the  deal  that 
he  was  conducting.  It  was  reported  that  he  had 
traded  an  old  crippled  horse  for  his  license  to  practice 
law.  If  he  ever  parted  with  any  money  it  was  after 
he  had  exhausted  every  effort  to  pay  in  trade.  In  the 
practice  of  the  law  he  exhibited  great  ingenuity  in 
getting  his  clients  so  tangled  up  with  him  in  the 
litigation  that  they  could  not  or  dared  not  discharge 
him.  When  he  met  persons  he  began  at  once  to 
inquire  into  their  private  affairs  and  family  history 
to  ascertain  if  they  did  not  have  some  claims  or 
rights  which  might  be  the  subject  of  litigation,  and 
as  soon  as  he  could  find  a  pretext  he  would  volunteer 
advice  and  urge  them  to  place  the  matter  in  his  hands. 
If  it  was  necessary  he  would  share  in  the  Htigation  and 
even  maintain  it  by  paying  the  cost  and  expenses. 
Many  persons  were  thereby  made  to  believe  that  they 
had  suffered  wrongs  and  when  the  litigation  was  well 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  57 

under  way  he  so  managed  the  matter  that  they  could 
not  get  out  of  the  meshes  in  which  he  had  entangled 
them.  The  first  suit  was  sure  to  breed  others  which 
were  themselves  only  parents  of  a  numerous  progeny 
of  other  suits.  Rare  indeed  was  the  instance  where  a 
client  escaped  his  clutches  until  all  his  means  were 
exhausted. 

In  the  County  where  Skinner  practiced  law  there 
were  two  prosperous  farmers,  who  owned  adjoining 
farms  on  which  they  had  lived  as  neighbors  in  peace 
and  harmony  for  many  years.  One  day  a  pig  be- 
longing to  one  rubbed  down  a  board  in  the  partition 
fence  and  got  into  the  other's  potato  patch  and  rooted 
open  a  few  hills  of  half-grown  potatoes.  The  damage 
was  slight  and  would  probably  have  passed  unnoticed 
had  not  the  owner  of  the  potatoes  met  Skinner  on  the 
street  and  been  made  acutely  conscious  of  his  loss. 
Skinner  obtained  his  consent  to  bring  a  suit  on  shares. 
In  less  than  ten  days  the  entire  neighborhood  was 
thrown  into  a  ferment.  The  populace  divided  into 
parties,  nearly  an  equal  number  taking  sides  with 
each  farmer.  Slander  and  vituperation  were  peddled 
promiscuously  by  both  sides ;  ancient  sores  were  ripped 
open  and  made  to  bleed  afresh,  and  the  strife  grew 
hotter  and  spread  wider  until  finally  the  case  came  on 
for  trial.  Many  witnesses  were  subpoenaed  by  each 
side  to  impeach  the  character  of  those  on  the  opposing 
side  for  truth  and  veracity.     The  case  was  on  trial 


58  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

for  many  days  during  which  time  the  newspapers 
reprinted  the  slanders  brought  out  in  the  testimony 
and  Skinner  improved  every  opportunity  for  fanning 
the  flames  of  discord  so  as  to  discover  new  causes  of 
action.  When  this  trial  was  finished  the  case  was 
appealed.  He  also  brought  several  slander  suits 
and  one  libel  suit  engendered  by  the  bitterness  of 
the  potato  controversy.  He  was  also  employed  in 
four  cases  of  assault  and  battery,  civil  and  criminal, 
growing  out  of  the  same  matter  between  members  of 
the  two  families,  all  of  which  v/ere  appealed  and  some 
were  reversed  and  tried  anew.  The  cost  of  the  various 
cases  including  attorneys'  fees  was  so  great  that  the 
farmer  who  had  started  to  recover  for  a  few  hills  of 
potatoes  not  only  lost  his  entire  crop  but  had  to  sell 
his  farm  at  a  great  sacrifice  to  Skinner  for  money  to 
pay  the  expenses  and  attorneys'  fees.  But  this  was 
not  all.  Many  collateral  suits  were  obtained  by 
the  ingenious  Skinner.  Other  neighbors  who  had 
been  drawn  into  the  maelstrom  of  the  conflict  be- 
came infuriated  toward  each  other  and  stimulated 
by  the  advice  of  Skinner  discovered  that  they  too 
had  old  wrongs  that  needed  redress,  so  they  joined 
the  procession  to  financial  ruin  under  his  guidance. 
Nor  was  this  the  end.  These  numerous  suits  caused 
a  political  feud  to  spring  up  among  the  parties  and  a 
mismanagement  of  the  County's  finances  to  be  alleged, 
and  suits  to  recover  funds  that  one  party  charged 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  59 

the  other  with  embezzHng.  Skinner  got  the  board  of 
Supervisors  to  employ  him  in  these  suits  and  thus  got 
both  arms  into  the  County  treasury  up  to  the  elbows. 
He  made  these  suits  so  expensive  that  the  County 
had  to  issue  bonds  to  pay  the  costs.  These  bonds 
were  sold  in  the  east  and  when  time  for  payment 
arrived,  they  were  under  the  advice  of  Skinner  repudi- 
ated and  the  Federal  Court  was  invoked  to  compel 
the  levy  of  a  tax  to  pay  them.  The  board  under 
Skinner's  advice  refused  to  comply  with  the  writ 
of  mandamus  issued  by  the  court  and  were  sent  to 
jail.  The  Htigation  then  became  wide  spread; 
some  of  the  cases  were  taken  to  the  Court  of  Appeals 
and  then  to  the  Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States. 
The  intense  excitement  and  malice  thus  engendered 
affected  politics  in  the  Congressional  District  and 
throughout  the  State,  and  finally  when  the  presidential 
campaign  came  on  the  State  being  a  close  one  the 
controversy  assumed  national  importance  and  deter- 
mined the  election  of  the  president.  During  the 
raging  of  this  suit  many  other  suits  connected  with 
them  sprang  up  like  mushrooms  everywhere  and 
wherever  a  fresh  one  started  Skinner  was  on  hand  to 
sustain  and  prolong  its  existence  and  harvest  the 
fruit.  But  he  did  not  rely  solely  upon  fees  paid  in  law- 
suits for  his  profits.  These  fees  were  mere  incidents ; 
and  the  suits  only  introductions  to  the  general  business 
of  the  clients.    Into  this  business  he  would  pry  and 


60  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

onto  it  he  would  fasten  like  a  leech,  until  his  connec- 
tion became  secure  enough  and  he  had  the  entire  busi- 
ness of  the  client  within  his  control,  then  he  manipu- 
lated it  to  his  own  advantage  and  the  client's  undoing. 
The  pig  that  rubbed  down  the  board  filled  the  town- 
ship with  bankrupts,  saddled  an  enormous  debt 
on  the  County,  changed  the  politics  of  a  State,  elected 
a  president  of  a  nation  and  became  Skinner's 
stepping  stone  to  afHuence. 

Thus  Skinner  rapidly  accumulated  money  and 
as  soon  as  he  got  it  he  used  it  to  accumulate  more 
patronage.  He  would  buy  one  share  of  stock  in 
a  corporation  to  get  into  a  stockholder's  meeting, 
get  acquainted  with  the  business,  and  use  his  influence 
to  promote  litigation.  He  bought  claims  against 
business  houses  which  he  thought  were  short  of 
money  and  in  the  name  of  a  stool  pigeon  forced  the 
institution  into  bankruptcy  or  in  the  hands  of  a 
receiver,  then  gave  the  proceedings  such  direction  as 
to  sacrifice  the  property  of  the  insolvent  at  a  forced 
sale  and  became  himself  either  directly  or  indirectly 
the  purchaser.  He  was  especially  skillful  in  the 
management  of  the  estates  of  deceased  persons  so 
as  to  transfer  the  bulk  of  the  fortune  into  his  own 
pocket  and  leave  widows  and  orphans  empty  handed. 
As  his  riches  grew  he  collected  about  him  a  number 
of  employees  suited  to  affect  his  purposes.  They 
kept  close   watch   for  opportunities  to  buy  into  a 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  61 

litigation  or  to  strip  those  whom  misfortune  had 
slain.  Like  buzzards  over  a  wounded  animal  he 
and  his  agents  hovered  about  the  failing  debtor  eager 
to  profit  by  his  misfortune.  Finally  Skinner  attracted 
the  attention  of  the  bold  pirates  of  finance  v/ho  hunt 
only  for  big  game,  and  plot  to  rob  the  entire  popu- 
lation of  cities,  states,  nations,  and  even  empires. 
They  sought  to  use  him  as  a  tool  to  effect  their  ne- 
farious purposes.  Beginning  as  a  servant  he  man- 
aged their  affairs  so  adroitly  that  he  soon  became 
their  master  and  ultimately  a  financial  king  whose 
sway  a  great  aggregation  of  money  grabbers  were 
compelled  to  acknowledge.  At  last  he  arose  to 
such  power  that  even  the  world's  greatest  monarchs 
begged  financial  assistance  and  mercy  from  him. 
Thus  the  instinct  for  trade  combined  with  a  corrupt 
conscience  and  some  knowledge  of  law  created  one 
of  the  oppressors  of  mankind. 


.o 


CHAPTER  VIII 

Avarice 

TN  the  previous  chapter  on  the  "business  agent" 
I  sought  to  show  how  greed  may  ultimately 
deflect  a  lawyer  from  his  profession  and  make  him  a 
despoiler  of  mankind.  I  now  wish  to  point  out  the 
manner  in  which  it  may  make  him  a  buccaneer  in 
the  profession. 

Grabbem  and  Fleecem 

The  great  firm  of  Grabbem  &  Fleecem,  did  a  "land 
office"  business.  It  kept  a  press  agent,  whose  duties 
were  to  advertise  every  appearance  or  connection 
that  the  firm  had  with  any  important  case  and  to 
parade  the  doings  of  its  members  before  the  public. 
It  had  many  soliciting  agents  who  examined  the 
newspapers  and  court  dockets  and  got  the  first  account 
of  all  controversies  likely  to  get  into  court  and  were 
early  on  the  spot  offering  the  services  of  this  firm 
and  claiming  that  it  possessed  great  influence  with 
the  judges;  that  it  had  peculiar  experience  and  skill 
for  the  particular  case  and  were  prepared  to  take  it 
upon  terms  much  cheaper  than  any  others  in  the 
profession.  Members  of  this  firm  gave  banquets 
to  judges,  procured  themselves  to  be  toast  masters 
62 


FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR  63 

at  these  and  speakers  at  trade  and  club  banquets. 
They  joined  prominent  churches,  were  members  of 
the  principal  fraternities,  belonged  to  all  the  leading 
political  parties,  sohcited  and  procured  employment 
by  various  officials  of  the  city,  state  and  nation. 
They  became  stockholders  in  all  kinds  of  corpora- 
tions and  established  relations  with  every  department 
of  business,  official,  charitable,  and  even  criminal. 
Never  for  a  moment  did  they  show  any  scruples  or 
relax  their  efforts  to  acquire  all  the  legal  business 
they  could.  Their  offices  covered  an  entire  floor 
of  a  large  building  wherein  they  employed  clerks 
at  the  lowest  salaries.  Outside  they  retained  police- 
men, nurses,  physicians,  real  estate  agents,  superin- 
tendants  of  hospitals  and  even  clergymen,  to  all  of 
whom  they  paid  a  commission  on  business  brought 
to  this  firm.  To  show  the  manner  in  which  this 
firm  acquired  business  I  will  give  one  instance. 

An  old  Quaker  while  walking  on  a  cement  side- 
walk after  a  shower  was  made  to  slip  and  fall  by 
stepping  on  a  large  angle  worm.  His  injuries  if  any 
were  very  slight  and  the  city  in  no  way  to  blame. 
But  it  happened  that  a  solicitor  from  the  firm  of 
Grabbem  &  Fleecem  saw  him  fall  and  immediately 
rushed  to  his  assistance  exclaiming:  "Oh!  you  poor 
man !  How  terribly  you  are  hurt.  What  a  shame ! 
You  must  sue  the  city  for  this.  Go  to  a  hospital 
immediately."   The  Quaker  protested  that  he  was 


64  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


not  injured,  but  the  solicitor  called  a  cab  bundled 
him  into  it  and  took  him  to  the  hospital.     There  he 
was  immediately  grabbed  by  an  interne  pulled  into  a 
private  room,  stripped  of  his  clothing,  put  to  bed, 
his  ankle  bandaged  with  splints,  a  surgeon  sent  for, 
nurses  employed  and  the  Quaker  kept  under  medical 
treatment  for  several  weeks.     The  solicitor  gave  him 
the  card  of  Grabbem  &  Fleecem  stating  that  they  were 
the  greatest  lawyers  on  earth,  could  influence  courts, 
control  juries,  procure  witnesses,  and  get  judgments 
in  all  cases,  and  while  riding  to  the  hospital  he  in- 
sisted that  the   Quaker  was  seriously  injured  both 
internally  and  externally  and  that  the  best  treatment 
was  necessary  to  save  his  life.     His  nurses  at  the 
hospital  commented  constantly  upon  his  miserable 
appearance  and  on  the  terrible  wrong  which  he  had 
suffered  and  the  necessity  of  his  employing  the  firm 
of   Grabbem    &   Fleecem.     The   interne   physicians 
sang  the  same  song  on  every  occasion.     The  surgeon 
who  called  to  see  him  looked  very  solemn,  spoke  of 
his  injuries  in  sepulchral  tones  and  expressed  grave 
doubts  of  a  complete  recovery.     He  also  urged  the 
Quaker  to  secure  the  services  of  this  firm  to  collect 
damages    from    the    city.     Many  of   the    Quaker's 
friends  male  and  female  called,  looked  upon  him  with 
pitying  glances,  magnified  his  injuries  and  insisted 
that  he  take  immediate  action  against  the  city  and 
employ  this  great  firm.     But  the  Quaker  remained 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  65 

obdurate.  His  conscience  was  opposed  to  litigation. 
Finally  his  pastor  called  and  made  a  long  prayer 
over  him  in  which  he  inserted  good  words  for  Grab- 
bem  &  Fleecem.  The  Quaker  wavered  but  he  did 
not  yield.  The  medicines  given  him  internally,  the 
liniments  that  had  been  rubbed  on,  the  opiates  in- 
jected to  allay  his  imaginary  pain  and  induce  sleep, 
the  statements  of  his  nurses  and  physicians,  com- 
bined with  the  doleful  prognostications  of  his  friends 
and  the  prayers  of  his  pastor  must  have  convinced  him 
that  he  had  received  some  injury,  but  he  would  have 
held  out  to  the  last  but  for  a  frightful  dream.  He 
dreamed  that  his  injuries  had  caused  his  death  and  that 
his  soul  was  wafted  to  the  Celestial  city,  that  when 
he  applied  at  the  gate  for  admission.  Saint  Peter 
presented  him  the  card  of  Grabbem  &  Fleecem 
announcing  that  they  were  the  greatest  lawyers 
in  heaven  and  the  only  ones  permitted  to  plead 
before  the  judgment  seat,  that  their  offices  occupied 
the  entire  sky-parlor  at  the  Saint's  Rest,  and  that 
Peter  urged  him  to  engage  this  great  firm  to  present 
his  cause  before  the  great  white  throne.  The  Quaker 
was  greatly  distressed  at  this  for  he  was  still  opposed 
to  employing  lawyers.  So  he  sat  down  on  a  cloud 
and  meditated.  At  last  he  concluded  to  go  to  the  other 
place.  There  he  was  ushered  into  the  brimstone  room 
where  he  was  presented  to  a  solemn  looking  sprite 
whose  long  dark  garments  partially  concealed  a  cloven 


66  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

hoof.  This  sprite  handed  him  a  card  which  glowed 
in  letters  of  fire:  "Satan — Senior  Partner  of  Grab- 
bem  &  Fleecem "— "  owns  courts,  manufactures 
evidence,  suborns  witnesses,  deals  in  verdicts  and 
sells  judgments  and  decrees  to  the  highest  bidder. 
His  offices  occupy  the  whole  basement  in  the  infernal 
regions."  Thereupon  the  Quaker  raised  his  hands 
in  horror  and  exclaimed:  "Surely  this  is  Hell!" 
and  awoke.  The  dream  so  preyed  upon  him  that 
he  was  finally  induced  to  yield  to  the  soHcitations 
of  the  firm  and  engage  them.  In  a  few  days  a  receipt 
was  presented  to  him  to  sign  acknowledging  that 
the  city  had  paid  him  three  thousand  dollars  for 
injuries  consisting  of  a  ruptured  ligament,  a  floating 
kidney,  and  a  concussion  of  the  spine.  At  the  same 
time  the  firm  presented  a  statement  of  their  account 
which  showed  that  after  deducting  commissions 
paid  to  solicitors,  nurses,  doctors,  ministers,  hospital 
expenses,  and  fees  for  his  and  the  city's  attorney 
there  was  coming  to  the  Quaker  for  his  share  the  sum 

of  $43-75 

Sometimes  this  firm  settled  with  a  client  for  a 
moderate  fee  stipulating  they  would  be  permitted 
to  advertise  the  receipt  of  compensation  amount- 
ing to  hundreds  of  thousands  of  dollars.  They 
kept  many  trumpets  blowing  the  assertion  that 
they  were  the  world's  greatest  lawyers.  They 
became  rich  not  only  out  of  the  fools  that  are  said  to 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  67 

be  born  every  minute  but  from  the  patronage  of 
some  level-headed  men.  Many  persons  showing 
great  sagacity  in  other  departments  of  life  who  can 
manage  general  business  with  consummate  skill  are 
caught  by  the  glaring  advertisements  of  such  firms 
as  Grabbem  &  Fleecem  and  are  induced  to  trust  their 
lives  and  fortunes  in  such  hands.  They  cheerfully 
pay  exorbitant  prices  for  the  miserable  service  re- 
ceived, when  there  are  hundreds  of  good  honest 
lawyers  of  much  greater  skill  and  learning  who  have 
plenty  of  time  to  attend  to  their  cases  at  a  fraction  of 
the  price  paid  to  such  shysters.  A  moment's  thought 
would  seem  to  be  sufficient  for  an  intelligent  person 
to  see  that  lawyers  like  Grabbem  &  Fleecem  are  not 
likely  to  bestow  careful  attention  upon  matters  left 
in  their  hands;  that  the  money  spent  by  them  in 
comm.issions  and  advertising  must  necessarily  come 
out  of  the  dupes  thus  snared  into  their  offices,  and 
the  energy  expended  in  conducting  such  a  machine 
must  be  taken  from  the  stock  required  to  conduct 
cases.  The  lawyer  should  take  no  more  business 
than  he  has  time  and  ability  to  manage  well.  If 
he  exerts  himself  to  control  a  much  greater  quantity  all 
his  tasks  are  imperfectly  done,  and  those  who  patron- 
ize him  are  made  to  suffer  from  his  inability  to  gi\e 
their  matters  proper  attention ;  or  from  the  incompe- 
tency and  infidelity  of  the  employees  to  whom  he  has 
entrusted   their  affairs.     Some   persons  are   capable 


68  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

of  doing  more  work  in  the  same  time  than  others 
equally  learned,  but  it  is  the  opinion  of  the  writer 
that  an  important  case  containing  a  sharp  controversy 
relative  to  law  and  evidence  will  ordinarily  require 
at  least  two  weeks  to  prepare  and  try  it.  Many 
such  controversies  require  more  than  a  month.  A 
good  lawyer  ought  not  to  attempt  more  than  twenty- 
five  a  year.  On  account  of  the  large  amount  of 
other  work  which  ordinarily  comes  to  a  trial  lawyer 
twelve  important  cases  a  year  is  likely  to  be  the  full 
limit  of  his  capacity,  provided  they  are  closely  con- 
tested. Yet  so  greedy  are  such  men  as  Grabbem  & 
Fleecem  that  they  will  engage  themselves  to  handle 
hundreds  of  cases  yearly  and  then  delay  and  thus 
discommode  their  clients,  or  imperil  their  interests 
by  putting  the  management  of  the  suits  in  the  hands 
of  incompetent  clerks. 

Avarice  has  a  blasting  effect  upon  all  professions. 
The  surgeon  whose  mind  is  on  the  pocket  book  of 
the  helpless  patient,  the  preacher  whose  prayers  are 
intended  for  the  purses  of  his  flock,  the  editor  whose 
pen  is  guided  by  the  magnetism  of  money,  these  are 
bad  enough,  but  the  lawyer  whose  mind  is  bent  on 
money  getting  to  the  exclusion  of  all  other  considera- 
tions is  worse;  he  is  wholly  unfit  for  use  in  the  ad- 
ministration of  justice.  The  lawyer's  heart  should 
be  in  his  work.  He  should  consider  his  profession 
as  noble  and  worthy  of  his  best  efforts.     He  should 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  60 

love  it,  and  find  in  it  his  chief  delight.  That  his 
judgment  may  be  unclouded  it  is  better  that  he 
feel  no  pecuniar}'  interest  in  the  success  or  .failure  of 
the  litigation.  If  a  lawyer  has  the  proper  love  for 
his  profession  he  will  not  care  to  join  in  the  chase 
for  wealth,  fame,  or  public  office.  He  will  leave  these 
for  men  with  lowlier  ideals,  for  they  are  all  greatly 
inferior  to  the  services  he  renders  in  the  attainment 
of  justice.  It  is  essential  that  he  have  this  appreciation 
and  love  for  his  profession  in  order  that  he  may 
consecrate  himself  to  it,  enjoy  it  and  render  to 
humanity  the  important  service  which  it  must  obtain 
from  the  members  of  the  bar.  Those  who  aspire 
to  great  wealth  or  political  glory  may  have  been 
educated  for  the  bar,  but  when  they  have  decided 
to  worship  at  another  shrine  they  ought  not  to  hold 
themselves  out  as  lawyers.  The  relation  of  attorney 
and  client  is  of  such  a  delicate  nature  that  it  should 
not  be  complicated  with  any  other  business  affairs. 
The  lawyer  in  his  deaUng  with  his  client  should 
confine  himself  strictly  to  the  scope  of  his  profession, 
rendering  only  professional  services.  He  should 
not  be  a  borrower  from  his  client  or  a  lender  to  him, 
nor  should  he  become  interested  with  his  client  in 
any  investment  or  become  entangled  socially  or  polit- 
ically with  him.  Whenever  the  lawyer  steps  out  of 
the  strictly  professional  relation  he  starts  a  train  of 
thought  and  worry  which  deprives  hirn  of  his  com- 


70  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

posure  and  the  time  necessary  to  keep  posted  on  his 
profession.  He  also  becomes  exposed  to  temptation 
and  the  subject  of  suspicion  likely  to  imperil  his 
standing  in  the  estimation  of  his  client.  The  standard 
here  raised  may  be  considered  too  high  to  be  practi- 
cable but  the  nearer  the  lawyer  can  approach  it,  the 
greater  will  be  the  skill  and  knowledge  which  he  will 
acquire  and  the  larger  the  degree  of  satisfaction  and 
pleasure  which  will  come  to  him  from  the  pursuit  of 
his  profession. 


CHAPTER  IX 
Disorder 

/^RDER  IS  essential  everywhere  from  the  govem- 
^^^  merit  of  a  country  to  the  management  of  a  prize 
fight.  Disorder  causes  friction,  confusion,  delay  and 
defeat.  The  lawyer  has  to  deal  with  complicated  mat- 
ters of  great  importance  and  must  act  quickly  at  the 
time  appointed.  Necessity  for  system  in  his  afifairs 
can  hardly  be  over-stated.  When  his  case  is 
reached  he  must  be  ready  with  the  authorities  that 
sustain  his  view  of  the  law  and  with  the  documents 
and  witnesses  that  prove  his  contention  as  to  the 
facts.  These  constitute  the  chain  upon  which  his 
hopes  depend  and  if  one  link  be  missing  he  will 
meet  with  disaster.  He  should  have  all  where  he 
can  produce  it  quickly,  or  he  must  ask  for  delay,  be- 
come confused  and  see  the  court  irritated  by  the  loss 
of  time  thus  caused  or  have  his  case  disposed  of  on  a 
record  less  favorable  than  it  should  be.  The  lawyer's 
fees  are  always  considered  high  by  those  required 
to  pay  them  and  the  lawyer  who  lays  upon  his  client 
a  burden  out  of  proportion  to  the  result  accomplished 
will  incur  his  displeasure  and  make  him  disgusted 
71 


72  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


with  legal  proceedings.  To  secure  ample  compensa- 
tion for  the  time  used  the  lawyer  must  accomplish 
the  result  aimed  at  in  as  short  time  as  possible.  To 
reach  the  minimum  in  this  particular  it  is  necessary 
that  his  work  be  so  systematized  as  to  exclude  waste 
and  useless  repetitions.  He  should  do  everything 
for  a  purpose  and  if  possible  finish  it  while  at  it. 
He  should  keep  a  record  of  his  doings,  copies  of  every 
paper,  statements  from  every  witness  and  have  all 
where  it  can  be  quickly  found,  so  that  the  case  when 
once  prepared  for  trial  is  prepared  for  all  time,  save 
for  such  additions  as  newly  discovered  evidence  and 
recently  reported  cases  may  require.  The  time  thus 
consumed  should  be  accurately  charged  when  ex- 
pended. If  the  result  of  the  case  makes  it  necessary 
to  reduce  the  charges  credit  can  be  given,  or  if  it  will 
allow  an  increase  it  is  an  easy  matter  to  add  thereto. 
The  lawyer  should  have  an  ofSce  provided  with  the 
best  appliances,  supplied  with  all  the  latest  publi- 
cations and  equipped  with  trained  and  experienced 
clerks.  This  office  should  be  so  managed  that  every- 
thing will  have  a  place  where  it  will  be  kept  in  perfect 
order.  First  of  all  the  lawyer  must  be  in  his  place, 
and  on  time  and  personally  observe  the  rules  of 
order  which  he  has  laid  down.  Many  are  the  law- 
yers who  work  without  system  and  great  are  the 
losses  sustained  by  them  and  their  clients  on  account 
thereof.    Here  is  an  illustration. 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  7S 

Captain  Jehosaphat  Jehu 
Captain  Jehosaphat  Jehu,  was  a  very  active  man. 
Like  a  cyclone  loaded  with  sticks,  stones  and  all 
kinds  of  dirt  he  moved  creating  excitement,  wonder 
and  confusion  wherever  he  appeared.  He  observed 
no  principles  of  order.  He  acted  upon  impulse, 
and  a  powerful  impulse  it  was.  What  education  he 
had  he  had  obtained  in  an  irregular  manner  and  the 
subjects  which  he  considered  were  determined  by 
accident.  Some  of  his  knowledge  had  been  caught 
on  the  fly,  some  had  been  thrown  at  him  and  a  con- 
siderable portion  had  been  kicked  into  him.  If  he 
ran  onto  a  book  he  began  to  read  it  and  continued 
until  something  else  pushed  him  away.  If  in  con- 
versation he  encountered  a  person  sufl&ciently  pugna- 
cious and  aggressive  to  edge  in  a  word,  Jehu  might 
get  an  idea.  When  severely  licked  in  a  suit  or  other- 
wise jolted  by  disappointment  his  mind  was  provided 
with  an  impression  which  clung  to  him  for  a  consider- 
able time.  But  he  had  no  system  either  of  collecting 
or  retaining  knowledge  and  most  of  his  notions  were 
evolved  from  his  inner  consciousness.  The  few 
which  he  had  effervesced  with  such  force  that  he 
could  crow  down  his  opponents  in  any  discussion 
depending  upon  lungs  for  its  termination.  He  was 
tall,  thin,  long  jointed,  and  bony.  His  clothes  were 
misfits,  and  usually  looked  like  the  garments  of  a 
scarecrow.     His    hair   was    generally   unkempt,    his 


74  FOIBLES   OF   THE  BAR 

ponderous  moustache,  and  scraggy  beard  badly 
soiled.  His  clothing  was  usually  stained  with  a  large 
variety  of  substances.  If  he  lacked  buttons  to  hold 
his  garments  in  place  a  nail,  a  safety-pin,  or  any  kind 
of  string  were  made  to  do  duty  and  while  he  had  one 
suspender  he  was  ready  for  action.  He  had  a 
den  which  he  called  an  office.  To  this  his  mail  was 
sent,  and  he  appeared  there  at  irregular  intervals, 
but  none  could  foretell  when  his  next  appearance 
would  be  or  how  long  he  might  remain.  In  this 
place  he  had  an  old  table,  a  dilapidated  book- 
case and  some  broken  sets  of  books.  Some  of  the 
books  were  in  the  case,  others  on  the  table,  or  on 
the  floor,  but  wherever  they  were  they  were  well 
covered  with  dust,  which  did  not  matter,  for  he  so 
seldom  used  them.  His  table  was  littered  with  an 
irregular  bunch  of  legal  papers,  memoranda,  news- 
papers, old  books,  letters  and  such  other  things  as 
happened  to  be  thrown  there.  All  were  tangled 
in  a  confused  mass,  so  that  whatever  found  its  way 
to  this  table  was  likely  to  be  lost  when  wanted.  There 
were  many  loafers  sitting  in  the  old  chairs  adding  to 
them  from  time  to  time  a  fresh  veneer  of  greasy  sub- 
stance, and  digging  a  few  more  dents  in  the  already 
badly  mutilated  furniture.  They  passed  the  time 
in  playing  cards,  talking  politics  or  religion,  distribu- 
ting every  day  gossip  or  teUing  smutty  stories,  or 
boasting  of  their  conquests  in  love  or  law.     To  this 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  75 

den  Jehu  would  come  with  a  rush,  fumble  around 
among  the  papers  on  his  table,  talk  a  few  moments 
with  some  of  the  denizens,  tell  a  yarn  or  two,  then 
rush  off  to  some  appointment  or  to  court,  and  in  the 
course  of  time  return  again  and  repeat  the  operation. 
He  was  rarely  on  time  and  often  had  his  cases  dis- 
missed or  continued  because  he  was  late.  When  a 
case  came  on  for  trial  he  was  usually  without  some  of 
his  witnesses  and  always  without  books  to  prove 
his  assertions  and  was  generally  in  a  helpless  confusion 
on  account  of  his  lack  of  systematic  preparation. 
The  judge  might  be  well  disposed  toward  his  client 
and  desire  to  try  his  case  upon  its  merits,  but  he  was 
handicapped  by  the  failure  of  Jehu  to  provide  the 
basis  for  a  favorable  decision.  So  notwithstanding 
his  intense  activity  and  the  rush  and  rattle  that  ac- 
companied all  his  motions,  Jehu  usually  suffered 
defeat. 

To  make  clear  to  the  general  reader  how  the  lack 
of  orderly  preparation  brought  Jehu  and  his  clients 
to  grief,  I  will  give  a  few  of  his  mistakes. 

After  several  days  spent  in  trying  a  suit  for  damages 
against  a  Street  R.  R.  Co.,  a  verdict  was  ordered 
against  him  because  he  had  failed  to  prove  that  the 
company  operating  the  road  was  the  one  sued. 

He  was  engaged  to  prosecute  a  man  for  a  crime 
and  the  defendant  was  acquitted  because  he  failed 
to  prove  that  the  place  where  the  crime  was  com- 


76  FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR 

mitted  was  in  the  county  where  the  indictment  was 
found. 

He  brought  suit  for  a  divorce,  took  a  great  amount 
of  evidence  but  failed  because  he  did  not  prove  that 
the  complainant  had  been  a  resident  of  the  state  long 
enough  to  give  the  court  jurisdiction. 

He  was  defeated  in  one  action  on  a  fire  insurance 
policy,  after  several  days'  trial  because  he  did  not 
show  that  proofs  of  loss  were  made  to  the  company 
or  waived  by  it,  and  defeated  in  another  because 
the  suit  was  brought  before  the  claim  was  due  under 
the  policy. 

Many  times  he  lost  because  his  evidence  did  not 
agree  with  the  allegations  in  his  pleadings.  His 
appeals  to  the  Upper  Courts  were  frequently  rendered 
useless  on  account  of  his  failing  to  take  proper  ex- 
ceptions to  the  action  of  the  court  below.  Such 
appeals  were  often  dimissed  because  not  taken  in 
time  or  because  taken  to  the  wrong  court. 

None  but  those  who  have  had  experience  can 
realize  the  sharp  agony  that  pierces  a  lawyer's  heart 
when  he  learns  that  his  defeat  is  due  to  his  own  folly. 
When  he  looks  upon  the  ghastly  face  of  his  disap- 
pointed client  and  thinks  of  the  victory  he  might  have 
won,  he  curses  himself  and  groans  inwardly  and 
searches  his  distracted  mind  for  an  excuse  to  mitigate 
his  blunder.  He  hears  the  chuckling  of  his  trium- 
phant adversary,  the    jeers   and   prophesies   of   his 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  77 

enemies,  the  vain  comnniseration  of  his  pitying  friends. 
He  feels  that  he  is  the  foolish  fish  that  jumped  at  a  fly 
and  caught  a  hook;  that  he  is  the  silly  rabbit  that 
ran  into  the  trap,  that  he  is  the  wild  gosling  caught 
in  the  subtle  fowler's  snare.  The  general  who  has 
led  his  army  into  an  ambush  and  had  it  cut  to  pieces, 
as  he  gazes  on  the  scattered  remnants  of  his  once 
proud  host  feels  all  the  anguish  of  the  damned. 
But  his  distress  is  no  greater  than  that  of  the  conscien- 
tious lawyer  who  realizes  that  his  own  folly  has  ruined 
his  trusting  client.  But  men  like  Jehu  endure  many 
such  experiences.  It  seems  strange  they  do  not 
discover  that  their  sad  defeats  come  from  a  lack  of 
orderly  preparation  and  thus  be  led  to  change  their 
habits.  But  they  never  do.  They  become  calloused 
and  continue  the  blunders  from  year  to  year  making 
more  and  greater  mistakes  as  they  grow  older  until 
death  puts  an  end  to  their  depredations.  So  it  was 
with  Jehu.  So  many  of  his  cases  ended  disastrously 
that  he  could  not  accumulate  more  than  a  mere  sub- 
sistance,  was  always  in  debt  and  kept  in  hot  water 
during  his  entire  professional  career.  He  attracted 
many  cUents  but  they  were  very  poor  people,  who  were 
as  ignorant  as  they  were  poor  and  they  wasted  his 
time  and  he  wasted  theirs. 

There  is  no  prescription  more  potent  to  prevent 
mistakes  than  the  adoption  and  strict  observance 
of  wise  rules  of  order.     By  this  method  a  man  of 


78  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

ordinary  gifts  can  render  a  great  service  at  the  bar; 
without  it  the  brightest  minds  become  the  playthings 
of  chance,  and  suffer  the  most  disastrous  defeats 
where  they  should  have  won  brilliant  victories. 
Surely  the  poet  was  not  far  wrong  when  he  wrote 
"Order  is  heaven's  first  law." 


CHAPTER  X 


Cowardice 


A  LAWYER  should  not  be  a  coward  for  he  must 
often  lead  in  the  fiercest  intellectual  combats. 
The  leaders  of  armies  have  plenty  of  company.  The 
leaders  of  political  movements  have  throngs  of  backers. 
The  lawyer  must  stand  alone  in  many  of  the  fights 
which  he  makes  for  the  property,  liberty  or  life  of  hi? 
clients.  Those  interested  in  his  success  are  usually 
helpless  and  furnish  him  no  intellectual  or  moral 
support.  The}'  are  ignorant  of  the  law.  They 
are  unfamiliar  with  the  rules  of  proceeding  and  they 
must  be  silent  spectators  while  he  conducts  alone  the 
intellectual  warfare  in  their  behalf.  Thus  he  needs 
the  rarest  quality  of  courage:  an  ability  to  hold  firmly 
to  his  individual  opinion  against  all  opposition  and 
to  fight  for  it  unwaveringly  until  every  tribunal 
provided  for  by  the  law  has  been  appealed  to  in  vain. 
This  may  not  seem  so  difficult  to  the  inexperienced  as 
it  really  is.  The  majority  of  mankind  can  not  with- 
stand a  strong  intellectual  opposition.  Some  may 
make  a  great  show  of  courage  in  the  first  attack;  a 
small  number  may  suffer  one  defeat  and  not  waver 
in  either  zeal  or  conviction,  but  comparatively  few 
79 


so  FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR 

are  those  who  can  endure  repeated  defeats,  hear  the 
sneering  remarks  of  their  opponents,  the  discouraging 
counsels  of  their  friends  and  the  groans  of  their  cHents 
at  the  expense  they  are  incurring  and  yet  experience 
no  flagging  in  zeal  or  diminution  in  the  firmness  of 
purpose.  Fewer  still  are  those  rare  spirits  who  can 
receive  the  buffetings  of  evil  fortune  wholly  undis- 
turbed, who  can  smile  at  adversity  and  all  its  vexatious 
accompaniments,  and  Vv'ith  a  serene  soul  proceed  as 
regularly  in  the  discharge  of  duty  as  a  nicely  adjusted 
clock  ticks  out  the  time,  though  multitudes  perish 
and  dynasties  rise  and  fall.  A  soul  thus  fortified  is 
adapted  to  endure  the  vexations  of  the  trial  lawyer. 
In  such  hands  the  greatest  cause  is  likely  to  receive 
the  best  attention.  Unfortunately  many  members 
of  the  bar  are  devoid  of  this  courage.  They  do  not 
sufiSciently  prepare  their  cases  to  lay  the  basis  of  a 
well-grounded  conviction.  They  approach  the  con- 
test with  fear  and  trembling  and  at  the  first  unfavorable 
intimation  from  the  court  they  are  unnerved.  By  a 
disastrous  defeat  they  are  panic  stricken.  During 
a  heated  trial  the  fear  of  losing  induces  such  a  tremor 
that  they  lose  sleep,  turn  and  toss  all  night  upon  their 
restless  beds  racking  their  brains  with  worry,  and 
if  the  trial  is  protracted  over  many  days  they  become 
seriously  disabled  before  the  end  is  reached.  This 
causes  them  to  omit  many  things  that  ought  to  be  done 
and  to  say  and  do  many  things  in  their  bewilderment 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  81 

that  ought  not  to  be  said  or  done.  They  can  not 
contemplate  defeat  without  pain  or  converse  with 
their  disappointed  chent  without  giving  fictitious 
excuses  for  it.  This  causes  the  chent  to  lose  his 
courage  and  he  decides  to  submit  to  injustice  rather 
than  incur  the  risk  of  another  trial,  or  if  he  musters 
nerve  enough  to  appeal  the  attorney  so  shattered  by 
defeat  is  unfit  to  enter  another  struggle.   . 

The  morally  brave  man  makes  no  parade  of  his 
courage.  He  does  not  even  think  of  it  for  he  always 
has  it  with  him  in  good  working  order.  The  coward 
who  ever  feels  the  lack  of  it  tries  to  cover  the  defect 
by  assuming  a  brave  demeanor.  He  blows,  storms, 
threatens,  and  protests  that  he  is  not  afraid.  He 
repeatedly  declares  that  nothing  can  bend  or  turn  him. 
He  struts,  swaggers,  swears  and  assumes  the  prowess 
of  the  "god  of  war."  The  brave  man  does  none  of 
these  but  coolly  gathers  his  strength,  watches  his 
opportunity  and  strikes.  Wliat  he  has  to  do  he  does 
timely,  directly,  and  effectively,  and  not  with  ex- 
haustion but  out  of  the  fullness  of  his  strength. 
Having  struck  once  he  stands  firm  ready  to  strike 
again  as  often  as  occasion  requires.  The  man  who 
has  true  moral  courage  is  never  without  it.  Dis- 
appointment, defeat,  and  even  death  does  not  dismay. 
Awakened  suddenly  from  a  sound  sleep  his  nerves 
are  firm  and  ready  for  action.  Struck  from  ambush 
unexpectedly,  he  squares  himself  calmly  for  the  fray. 


82  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


Friends  desert  him,  foes  multiply,  but  he  wavers  not. 
He  has  within  a  spark  of  that  divine  power  which 
stands  eternally  strong  amid  the  wreck  of  worlds. 
As  a  spurious  imitation  of  a  brave  man  I  take  the 
risk  of  introducing 

General  Bluff 

From  youth  he  pretended  to  be  a  fighter.  He  was 
always  bullying  his  schoolmates,  and  playmates.  He 
carried  a  chip  on  his  shoulder  and  dared  anyone  to 
knock  it  off.  He  took  special  delight  in  imposing 
on  those  younger  and  weaker  than  himself.  He  was 
very  oflfensive  in  his  treatment  of  the  opposite  sex. 
He  annoyed  all  persons  by  boasting  of  his  conquests, 
and  terrorized  many  of  the  timid  by  his  noisy  and 
threatening  oaths.  When  he  grew  to  manhood  he 
was  undersized  and  not  especially  strong  physically, 
but  he  had  a  head  like  a  bulldog,  small  cruel  black 
eyes,  bushy  eyebrows,  an  immense  moustache  which 
he  waxed  with  an  upward  turn  at  the  sides,  a  bald 
head,  fringed  with  a  few  coarse  hairs,  a  snub  nose, 
a  mouth  like  a  slit  in  an  oak  board,  and  lips  as  destitute 
of  expression  as  an  Egyptian  hieroglyphic.  When 
he  screwed  his  countenance  into  a  threatening  aspect 
it  reminded  one  of  a  pumpkin  jack  lantern.  He 
was  not  familiar  with  law  or  legal  proceedings  except 
that  portion  employed  in  collecting  debts.  He  ex- 
perienced great  glee  in  grinding  a  distressed  debtor. 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  83 

He  swelled  with  magnificent  pride  as  he  strutted  into 
the  hovel  of  poverty  and  threatened  to  turn  its  wretched 
inmates  into  the  street,  unless  they  paid  a  bill  he  had 
to  collect.  His  soul  was  in  an  ecstacy  when  he  got 
an  opportunity  of  writing  an  insulting  letter  to  some 
timid  girl  promising  her  all  kinds  of  vexatious  per- 
secution if  she  did  not  call  at  his  office  and  settle  the 
account  he  held.  With  fiendish  delight  he  would 
WTing  the  last  penny  from  the  withered  hands  of  want 
and  apply  it  on  his  illegal  and  extortionate  fees.  Yet 
he  was  usually  careful  not  to  come  within  reach  of 
people  who  were  able  to  defend  themselves  and  were 
disposed  to  do  so.  Once  he  called  a  sleepy  looking 
country  boy  a  liar.  The  rustic  invited  him  out  into 
the  road,  and  with  great  pretensions  of  courage  he 
went.  He  danced  around  the  slow-motioned  son  of 
the  soil,  like  a  king  bird  around  a  hawk,  sawing  the 
air  with  his  clenched  fists  and  exclaiming:  "I'll  lick 
you  to  death,  you  greenhorn ! "  all  of  which  he  empha- 
sized with  ear  piercing  oaths.  The  quiet  stripling 
watched  his  maneuvers  until  he  came  near  enough 
then  gave  Bluff  a  left  hander  over  the  eye  that 
felled  him  like  a  dead  fish.  He  was  dragged  to  a 
hotel  near  by  and  soaked  with  water  until  he  came  to 
consciousness.  His  left  eye  was  swollen  shut  and 
looked  like  a  piece  of  raw  beef.  He  claimed  the 
countryman  struck  him  with  brass  knuckles  but  of 
course    that  was  not  true.     Ever    afterward   Bluff 


84  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

prudently  avoided  close  contact  with  persons  who 
might  be  capable  of  protecting  themselves  and  he 
exhibited  his  bravado  while  under  the  protection  of  a 
judge  or  other  officers  of  the  law  or  when  in  the 
presence  of  frightened  women  and  children  or  with 
members  of  the  legal  profession  who  were  not  likely 
to  resort  to  physical  force.  Amid  such  surroundings 
he  bellowed  like  the  "bull  of  Bashan, "  he  showed  his 
big  front  teeth  like  a  hyena  among  the  tombs,  he 
pushed  out  his  chest  like  a  Roman  Gladiator,  he 
stood  like  Ajax  defying  the  lightning,  and  swore  oaths 
that  would  shame  a  drunken  sailor.  These  vulgar 
trappings  caught  the  eye  of  many  foolish  clients  and 
he  gained  credit  for  being  a  stubborn  fighter.  Many 
employed  him  to  attend  to  their  cases,  because,  they 
believed  him  to  be  strong  and  courageous.  But  he 
was  at  heart  the  basest  of  cowards.  What  was  ac- 
counted courage  was  only  cruelty.  When  he  met  his 
match  his  veins  were  full  of  skimmed  milk.  His 
spine  shook  like  a  lamb's  tail,  and  he  sought  the 
first  excuse  to  fly.  He  had  neither  nerve  enough  to 
stand  and  fight  nor  courage  enough  to  admit  that  he 
was  mistaken.  He  always  sought  to  lay  the  blame  for 
disaster  on  some  one  else  and  then  would  crawl  into 
his  hole  and  stay  there  imtil  he  got  another  opportunity 
to  brag  and  threaten. 

It  is  sometimes  said  that  the  brave  know  no  fear. 
This   is    false.    All   but   imbeciles   feel   fear.    The 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  85 


coward  feels  it,  quakes  and  flies.  The  brave  man 
feels  it  but  stands  and  fights.  The  first  places  his 
personal  safety  above  his  duty,  the  last  puts  his  duty 
al)ove  his  personal  safety.  Cowardice  is  therefore 
another  name  for  selfishness.  Hence  the  brave  man 
is  courteous  and  kind  to  the  weak  and  just  even  to  his 
enemies.  The  coward  tramples  down  and  crushes 
the  helpless  to  exalt  himself  and  plunders  all  that  he 
can  with  impunity. 

In  order  that  he  may  love  justice  and  fight  to  obtain 
and  sustain  it  against  all  the  forces  that  fraud  can 
raise  against  it,  the  lawyer  should  of  all  men  be  men- 
tally, morally  and  spiritually  brave,  and  he  must  be  so 
to  attain  the  highest  excellence  in  his  profession. 


,0^ 


CHAPTER  XI 

Confidence  in  the  Court 

]\/TOST  lawyers  are  sometimes  and  many  lawyers 
"^^■•are  many  times  disabled  in  their  advocacy  of  a 
cause  by  a  lack  of  confidence  in  the  integrity  and 
intelligence  of  the  Judge.  No  one  can  as  efifectively 
conduct  a  trial  when  he  thinks  his  evidence  and 
arguments  will  be  disregarded.  The  thought  para- 
lyzes his  brain,  takes  away  his  zeal  and  tends  to  make 
him  irritable  to  a  high  degree.  He  becomes  dis- 
courteous to  the  court,  makes  the  Judge  feel  his  lack 
of  confidence  and  he  too  is  thus  prevented  from  giving 
the  case  a  fair  and  unbiased  attention.  That  lawyer 
is  best  equipped  for  his  task  who  has  faith  in  the 
intelligence  and  integrity  of  the  occupant  of  the  bench 
which  nothing  can  shake.  Questions  of  law  may  be 
decided  against  him.  His  confidence  continues. 
Erroneous  expressions  relative  to  his  evidence  may  be 
made.  He  suspects  no  wrong.  The  Court  may  even 
reverse  itself  to  give  the  victory  to  his  adversary,  and 
yet  amid  the  stings  of  defeat  he  never  doubts  the 
honesty  and  competency  of  the  occupant  of  the  Bench. 
The  lawyer  who  has  this  faith  must  add  to  a  generous 
nature  the  charity  which  comes  from  a  wide  experience 
86 


FOIBLES  OF  THE   BAR  87 

and  a  clear  knowledge  of  human  frailty  in  matters  of 
opinion.  How  few  possess  these  qualities.  It  has 
long  been  customary  for  the  ablest  lawyers  to  impugn 
the  intelligence  and  integrity  of  the  Judge  who  has 
decided  against  them.  From  the  courtroom  where 
they  have  met  with  disaster  they  have  retired  to  the 
tavern,  the  saloon,  or  the  street  corner  and  have 
given  vent  to  their  feelings  by  inveighing  furiously 
against  the  Judge  and  jury. 

Frequently  during  the  progress  of  the  trial  they  have 
lost  their  tempers  and  become  very  bitter  in  their  resent- 
ment because  the  Judge  has  failed  to  agree  with  them 
upon  propositions  of  law  or  evidence.  So  narrow 
minded  have  they  been  in  their  zeal  that  they  could 
conceive  no  room  for  an  honest  difference  of  opinion. 
The  mere  fact  that  their  arguments  have  not  been 
effective  has  been  considered  conclusive  proof  that 
the  Judge  is  incompetent  or  corrupt.  Thus  they  have 
tried  to  browbeat  the  Judge  and  intimidate  him  into 
finding  in  their  favor  to  avoid  encountering  their 
displeasure.  Judges  are  but  lawyers  on  the  bench 
and  often  lawyers  with  but  little  experience.  The 
more  anxious  they  are  to  do  right  the  more  sensitive 
they  become  to  such  manifestations.  It  is  difficult 
under  such  circumstances  for  them  to  retain  that 
composure  and  concentration  of  mind  essential  to 
the  forming  of  a  correct  judgment.  Where  the  Judge 
is  not  intimidated  by  such  conduct  he  may  become 


FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR 


unconsciously  prejudiced  against  his  assailant  and 
thus  be  prevented  from  giving  him  so  fair  a  hearing 
as  the  law  contemplates.  Some  persons  are  by  nature 
suspicious  and  believe  that  all  men  have  a  price,  and 
that  most  are  fools. 

Thomas  Doubt 

Thomas  Doubt  was  that  kind.  He  looked  upon 
human  society  as  corrupt  in  all  its  strata.  He  con- 
sidered the  general  government  of  his  country  a 
criminal  conspiracy  organized  for  plunder,  and  the 
world  generally  as  the  personal  property  of  Satan, 
created  for  damnation.  His  eyes  were  so  focused  that 
he  saw  nothing  but  defects.  A  bright  day  was  a 
weather  breeder.  Flush  times  the  precursors  of  the 
coming  panic.  A  friendly  smile  a  false  pretence.  A 
generous  gift  a  device  to  get  an  underhold.  There 
was  no  such  thing  as  love.  There  was  nothing  like 
honor.  Every  person  was  a  liar  and  the  best 
ought  to  be  in  the  penitentiary.  Every  breeze, 
though  sweet  with  perfume  swarmed  Avith  mi- 
crobes of  a  malignant  character.  Every  flower 
was  a  shield  that  covered  a  serpent.  He  was  always 
running  the  gauntlet  between  files  of  enemies  who  were 
plotting  to  destroy  him.  From  earliest  infancy  he 
had  always  been  cheated  and  deceived.  He  regarded 
his  birth  as  a  calamity.  He  found  no  comfort  in  the 
society  of  his  family  or  friends.     The  common  amuse- 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  89 

ments  of  people  were  looked  upon  by  him  with  dis- 
gust and  pronounced  the  frivolity  of  fools.  The  press 
was  subsidized.  The  pulpit  filled  with  hired  liars. 
Commerce  was  obtaining  money  under  false  pretences. 
All  kinds  of  business  were  dishonest  or  criminal  in 
their  character.  He  wished  to  extract  the  honey  of 
this  life  from  the  gall  of  his  enemies.  He  adopted  the 
law  as  a  profession  to  punish  them.  He  saw  no  beauty 
in  its  doctrines;  he  took  no  pride  in  its  traditions. 
The  honored  names  of  its  founders  evoked  no  en- 
thusiasm. Relative  to  some  he  had  collected  evi- 
dence to  prove  that  they  were  scoundrels  and  those 
against  whom  he  had  no  evidence  he  assumed  were  like 
the  others.  Of  the  occupants  of  the  bench,  he  con- 
sidered those  in  the  highest  seats  the  worst  criminals 
and  the  greatest  enemies  of  mankind.  His  scent  for 
faults  was  so  largly  developed  that  he  not  only  exagger- 
ated all  defects  which  he  could  find,  but  imagined 
many  that  did  not  exist.  At  the  same  time  he  was 
deaf  and  blind  to  all  evidence  showing  the  existence 
of  truth,  beauty,  honor,  justice  and  love  in  the  world. 
How  could  such  a  man  learned  though  he  was  in  all 
the  lore  of  his  profession,  industrious  as  he  was  in 
collecting  and  amassing  his  evidence,  faithful  as  he 
was  in  zeal  and  fidelity  to  his  clients,  yet  so  saturated 
with  distrust,  be  able  to  effectively  discharge  his  duty 
as  a  trial  lawyer?  He  carried  into  court  an  atmos- 
phere charged  with  wormwood.    He  fell  out  with 


90  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

the  Judge  and  became  unpopular  with  the  jury.  He 
was  despised  by  the  opposingparty,  incurred  the  lasting 
enmity  of  his  lawyer  and  frequently  lost  the  confidence 
of  his  own  client  and  had  to  sue  to  get  his  fees.  Yet 
such  were  his  talents  that  he  recei^■ed  a  large  patronage 
and  became  one  of  the  greatest  railroad  lawyers  in 
his  state  in  the  defence  of  suits  for  personal  injuries. 
In  his  youth  he  had  learned  the  trade  of  a  blacksmith 
and  got  his  rudimentary  education  while  working  at 
the  forge.  He  was  a  physical  giant  and  he  tried  his 
lawsuits  with  hammers  and  tongs  and  great  and 
steady  were  the  blows  he  sometimes  struck.  I  will 
illustrate  his  manner  of  treating  the  court  by  one 
incident. 

He  had  brought  a  suit  for  a  lady  against  a  saloon- 
keeper for  selling  beer  to  her  husband.  The  state 
law  made  it  a  crime  to  sell  beer  to  a  person  in  the 
habit  of  becoming  intoxicated.  He  put  a  witness 
on  the  stand  and  asked  him  if  he  had  ever  seen  the 
husband  drunk?  The  opposing  lawyer  objected  and 
the  Judge  without  hearing  any  argument  sustained 
the  objection.  Mr.  Doubt  then  looked  at  the  Judge 
with  a  surprised  expression  on  his  face,  and  repeated 
the  question.  "Objection  sustained, "  exclaimed  the 
Judge  with  some  irritation.  He  then  arose,  adjusted 
his  eyeglasses  and  stared  at  the  Judge  and  asked 
with  a  voice  trembling  with  emotion,  yet  severely  sar- 
castic: "Is  it  possible  that  you  hold  that  I  can't  show 


FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR  91 

that  this  woman's  husband  was  in  the  habit  of  be- 
coming intoxicated?" 

"I  have  sustained  the  objection, "  retorted  the  Judge 
with  emphasis. 

Mr.  Doubt  then  grabbed  the  statute  convulsively, 
opened  it  and  held  it  in  his  left  hand,  and  gesticulating 
furiously  with  his  right  spoke  in  tones  so  loud  as  to 
be  heard  in  every  part  of  the  room.  Every  word  was 
uttered  so  slowly  and  forcibly  that  it  fell  like  a 
sledge  on  the  Judge's  ears:  "  77;e  law  provides  that 
it  is  a  crime  to  sell  beer  to  a  person  in  the  habit  of  be- 
coming intoxicated.  I  propose  to  show  that  this  scoun- 
drel (pointing  to  the  blear-eyed  bloated  defendant)  sold 
beer  to  this  poor  woman's  husband  (pointing  to  the 
plaintiff,  a  deUcate  lady  with  large  sorrowful  eyes), 
nntil  he  dragged  him  doivn,  down  into  the  very  gutter. 
And  there  you  sit  and  say  I  can't  show  it!  My  God! 
is  this  a  court  of  justice!"  As  he  uttered  these  last 
words  the  very  air  was  vibrant  with  wrath,  not  only 
that  of  the  speaker  but  with  the  jndignation  of  the 
crowd  of  onlookers  who  now  saw  the  court's  error.  It 
was  too  sultry  for  the  Judge.  The  hot  blush  of  shame 
came  to  his  temples  as  he  said:  "Mr  Doubt,  if  that  is 
what  you  want  it  for  you  may  show  it."  Instead  of 
letting  the  discomfited  Judge  down  easy  Doubt  in- 
sisted upon  twisting  the  hook  in  the  gills  of  the  fish  he 
had  landed.  He  screwed  his  features  into  an  ex- 
pression of  sneering  contempt  and  said  in  tones  that 


92  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

grated  viciously;  "In  heaven's  name  what  did  you 
think  I  wanted   it  for?" 

"Mr.  Doubt,  I  fine  you  $25  for  contempt,"  said  the 
Judge  angrily. 

''Make  it  fijty,  make  it  a  hundred,''  shouted  Doubt. 
"Twenty-five  doesn't  begin  to  express  the  contempt 
I  feel." 

The  Judge  then  raised  it  to  one  hundred  and  Doubt 
handed  his  check  to  the  clerk  saying;  "I  am  willing 
to  pay  for  my  luxuries. "  Of  course  when  the  Judge 
cooled  down  the  fine  was  remitted  and  the  check 
returned. 

After  Doubt  had  dehvered  a  terrible  tirade  against 
the  opposite  party  and  the  court  had  adjourned,  the 
party  accosted  Doubt  and  asked  if  what  he  had  said 
was  lawyer's  talk  or  facts.  "What's  the  difference," 
asked  the  lawyer.  "Why,"  said  he,  "if  it  is  lawyer's 
talk  it's  all  right,  but  if  it's  facts  I  propose  to  thresh 
the  ground  with  you." 

"What  are  you  talking  about,  you  insignificant, 
imbecile,  papsucker,"  exclaimed  Doubt,  "you  know  if 
you  should  meet  me  on  the  street  you  would  run  like 
a  scared  rabbit.  If  you  don't  look  out  you'll  fall  in  a 
fit  where  you  stand,  you  are  such  a  contemptible 
coward ! "     Doubt's  assailant  wilted  and  slunk  away. 

He  indulged  in  the  pleasures  of  calumny  at  the 
expense  of  every  individual  that  he  knew  and  he  went 
still  further.     He  sometimes  made  an  entire  class  the 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  93 

object  of  his  vituperation.  On  one  occasion  he  put  on 
the  pillory  an  organization  containing  80,000  members. 
Among  other  things  he  said  of  them: 

"There  may  be  men  in  other  callings  who  for  some 
single  vice  would  compare  with  them,  but  for  a  com- 
bination in  harmonious  blending  of  cowardice,  deceit, 
dishonesty,  impudence,  lechery,  and  leprous  rascality, 
they  stand  unrivaled  and  without  a  peer."  This 
malicious  assault  caused  the  society  to  demand  of  the 
railroad  com.pany  that  employed  him  that  he  be 
discharged  and  to  enfore  that  demand  a  general 
boycott  was  declared  against  the  road.  Its  business 
shrank  enormously  and  the  president  called  on  Doubt 
for  an  apology  but  his  answer  was: 

"If  apologies  were  as  plentiful  as  blackberries,  in 
the  language  of  Falstaff,  *I  would  not  give  one  under 
compulsion.'  "  And  he  did  not  and  was  not  dis- 
charged although  his  lampoon  cost  his  client  an  im- 
mense sum  of  money.  While  the  fever  of  excitement 
was  at  the  highest  Doubt  took  the  train  to  go  to 
Court.  He  was  then  on  crutches  and  two  men 
seated  in  front  of  him  were  heard  by  him  to  remark, 
that  they  would  like  to  catch  the  lawyer  who  had  so 
defamed  them.  Doubt  astonished  them  by  this 
interruption: 

"I  am  the  man,  what  do  you  want? "  They  looked 
at  each  other,  and  then  into  his  flaming  eyes  and 
changed  to  the  next  coach. 


94  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

The  foregoing  instances  are  a  few  of  the  many 
hundreds  that  could  be  told  of  this  peculiar  character, 
who  was  a  great  student,  a  powerful  orator,  an  intrepid 
fighter  and  would  have  taken  his  place  at  the  head  of 
his  profession  in  the  nation,  had  he  not  looked  with 
such  suspicion  and  distrust  upon  his  associates. 
True  he  was  sometimes  correct  in  his  suspicions  but 
oftener  wrong  than  right  and  always  excessive  in  the 
quantity  of  blame  and  corruption  which  he  supposed 
others  to  possess.  Yet  he  had  about  him  a  sort  of 
magnetism  by  which  he  was  able  to  draw  and  retain 
the  friendship  of  many  whom  he  mistreated,  and  his 
powerful  will  forced  others  to  aid  him.  He  became  a 
towering  figure  in  his  locality  but  was  compelled  to 
see  men  greatly  inferior  to  him  in  learning  and  natural 
gifts  placed  above  him  and  crowned  with  the  laurels 
of  a  success  which  he  never  could  attain  because  of 
his  lack  of  confidence  in  his  fellows. 

Confidence  is  a  kind  of  cement  which  holds  to- 
gether the  molecules  of  human  society.  The  lack 
of  it  disintegrates  and  nullifies  the  best  efiorts  of 
our  race.  In  the  financial  world  it  spells  ruin.  In 
the  moral  world  it  means  dissension,  and  hatred.  But 
no  where  is  the  need  of  confidence  greater  than  in  the 
administration  of  justice  and  the  place  of  its  greatest 
need  here  is  in  the  mind  of  the  lawyer  when  he 
presents  the  cause  of  his  client  to  the  consideration  of 
the  court. 


CHAPTER  XII 


Pride 


A  LL  wish  to  be  admired  and  to  do  something  that 
"**'  will  win  and  deserve  admiration.  So  strong  is 
the  passion  that  muUitudes  endure  distress  without 
complaint,  cowards  become  heroes  and  misers  are 
made  generous.  A  reasonable  degree  of  pride  stimu- 
lates the  lawyer  to  excel  in  his  profession  and  prevents 
him  from  sinking  into  mean  and  sordid  practices. 
But  pride  is  often  developed  to  excess  and  then  it 
becomes  a  stiff  and  unnatural  dignity,  an  ever  present 
consciousness  of  self;  a  disposition  to  subject  the 
interest  of  the  client  to  the  passion  of  the  lawyer  for 
adulation.  It  then  cripples  him  in  the  discharge  of 
his  duty.     I  take  the  case  of 

Paul  Proud 

He  was  a  very  neat  little  gentleman  who  had  the 
best  education  that  wealth  could  procure.  His  small 
round  head  scantily  covered  with  fine  black  hair 
contained  more  legal  maxims  than  could  be  found 
anjrwhere  else  in  the  same  space.  He  probably  knew 
more  Roman  law  than  Cicero,  more  Greek  law  than 
Solon,  more  English  law  than  Edmund  Burke  and 
95 


96  FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR 

could  speak  fluently  in  more  languages  than  all  of 
them  put  together.  And  he  was  an  orator  after  the 
classic  models.  It  was  a  great  joy  to  hear  the  large 
words  of  Greek  and  Latin  derivation  emerge  from 
his  little  mouth  and  see  him  strain  his  symmetrical 
lips  to  produce  on  opening  large  enough  for  the  passage 
of  their  ponderous  bulk.  The  travail  thus  experienced 
in  giving  birth  to  his  prodigious  sentences  was  assisted 
somewhat  by  a  vigorous  shaking  of  his  head  and  the 
tossing  of  his  mane  which  at  times  inspired  wonder 
if  not  terror  to  his  auditors.  He  could  repeat  many 
of  the  greatest  ancient  and  modern  orations,  exhibit  all 
the  good  points  and  suggest  improvements  that  even 
Quintilian  never  thought  of.  Nor  did  his  capacity 
end  in  framing  words.  He  had  the  genuine  poetic 
fire,  the  divine  afflatus,  which  thrills  and  captures 
the  hearts  of  multitudes.  But  he  had  acquired  with 
these  excellences  an  overweening  pride  and  a  wish 
to  be  in  the  center  of  every  stage  where  the  spot  light 
was  the  brightest;  and  to  be  smothered  with  the 
blossoms  of  unlimited  adulation.  He  could  not 
endure  blame  nor  ridicule,  nor  was  he  willing  to 
undertake  an  unpopular  case,  or  one  where  he  was 
likely  to  be  identified  with  a  disreputable  person.  He 
was  a  kid  gloved,  silk  stockinged,  sunshine  lawyer, 
and  he  moved  with  a  grace  that  was  charming  and 
conducted  himself  with  a  dignity  that  seemed  majestic 
to  some  and  ridiculous  to  others.     To  show  how  this 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  97 

great  scholar,  orator  and  dignified  gentleman  was 
blown  from  his  moorings  by  a  lawyer  of  much  less 
dignity  I  must  give  a  short  account  of  a  jury  trial. 

A  country  merchant  in  failing  circumstances  gave 
several  mortgages.  The  first  was  to  a  wholesale  firm, 
the  second  to  his  sister  for  borrowed  money,  and  the 
third  to  Proud's  client,  another  wholesale  dealer  of 
great  wealth.  Proud's  client  declined  to  accept  the 
third  mortgage  and  treating  the  others  as  fraudulent 
sued  out  an  attachment  in  the  Federal  Court,  and  had 
the  United  States  marshal  sell  the  entire  stock.  The 
sister  sued  the  marshal  as  an  ordinary  scalawag 
for  trespass,  and  Proud  was  engaged  by  the  merchant 
to  defend  him.  In  order  that  he  might  be  allowed  to 
make  the  opening  and  closing  speeches,  Proud  ad- 
mitted all  the  allegations  of  the  girl's  claim,  but  set 
up  the  special  defence  that  her  mortgage  was  given  to 
defraud  creditors.  This  entitled  the  little  man  to 
make  the  last  speech.  In  his  first  address  to  the  jury 
he  said  but  a  few  words,  expecting  the  plaintiff's  attor- 
ney to  make  a  weak  or  indifferent  answer,  and  then 
Proud  intended  to  launch  forth  in  reply  a  great  oration 
on  the  despicable  character  of  fraud  and  thus  stampede 
the  jury  in  favor  of  his  client.  But  in  this  he  was 
mistaken,  for  the  plaintiff's  attorney  knew  Proud  and 
determined  to  take  advantage  of  his  weakness  and  this 
is  the  way  he  proceeded  in  his  address  to  the  jury. 
"You  have  observed,  gentlemen,  with  what  anxiety 


98  FOiBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


my  little  friend  has  striven  for  the  last  speech.  You 
may  not  know  why,  but  I  will  tell  you.  He  proposes 
to  make  the  greatest  effort  of  his  life !  I  was  present 
gentlemen,  at  our  new  Opera  House  when  he  dedicated 
that  palatial  temple  to  the  god  Momus,  and  I  saw 
the  elite  and  learned  of  our  city  lean  forward  with 
craned  necks  and  strained  ears  as  they  drank  in  the 
honey  of  his  words.  I  was  present  in  the  Senate  dur- 
ing the  impeachment  proceedings  when  he  pleaded 
the  cause  of  the  one-armed  soldier  against  the  nefarious 
combination  that  was  seeking  to  despoil  him  of  his 
honor  and  his  office  and  I  saw  the  great  Senate 
chloroformed  by  his  majestic  periods  in  behalf  of 
liberty  and  justice,  I  v/as  one  of  that  vast  multitude 
who  stood  with  uncovered  heads  at  the  east  front  of 
the  Capitol  to  hear  his  eulogy  of  the  world's  greatest 
soldier,  the  matchless  hero  of  Appomattox,  and  I  saw 
acres  of  my  fellow  countrymen  in  tears  as  he  told  how 
the  angel  of  death  guided  the  pen  of  the  old  hero 
while  he  finished  his  immortal  memoirs.  On  all  these 
occasions,  gentlemen,  he  was  a  star  of  the  first  magni- 
tude, yea,  a  veritable  sun  whose  brilliancy  made  all 
other  orbs  look  pale.  But  these  efforts,  gentlemen, 
were  only  small  samples  of  his  capacity  and  to-day 
he  proposes  to  surpass  them  all;  he  intends  to  show  how 
eloquent  he  can  be  when  he  is  attempting  to  steal  three 
hundred  dollars  from  a  servant  girl  and  give  them  to  a 
multi-millionaire ! " 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  99 

At  this  point  the  eyes  of  the  proud  little  man  snapped 
with  anger,  and  he  protested  to  the  court  that  the 
speaker  was  treating  him  unfairly.  The  judge  laughed 
and  refused  to  interfere  so  the  speaker  continued  : 

"Had  his  client  come  tome  instead  of  going  to 
my  eloquent  friend,  I  would  have  told  him  that  I  con- 
sidered his  case  hopeless.  I  would  have  said,  if  you 
could  transfer  the  action  to  the  mines  of  Siberia  where 
they  hitch  their  women  to  coal  cars  to  drag  coal  out 
of  the  mines;  or  to  Tartary  where  they  drown  their 
female  infants;  or  to  some  Cannibal  Island  of  the  sea 
where  they  eat  women  every  morning  for  breakfast, 
you  might  bribe  a  jury  to  give  you  a  verdict;  but  in  an 
Anglo-Saxon  country,  where  we  respect  and  protect 
our  women; — in  the  United  States  where  the  rights 
of  the  poorest  girl  are  as  sacred  as  our  flag — to  expect 
such  a  verdict  from  a  jury  would  be  the  limit  of 
imbecility.  But,"  continued  the  speaker,  "I  am  no 
orator  like  my  friend.  I  have  no  gift  to  make  juries 
crazy.  He  relies  on  his  irresistible  powers.  But  in 
this,  gentlemen,  he  may  be  mistaken,  for  my  friend  has 
a  kind  heart  in  his  diminutive  breast  and  when  he 
thinks  of  my  poor  client  on  her  knees  in  a  kitchen, 
and  of  the  long  years  she  has  toiled  and  waited  for 
justice  in  this  court  and  that  his  splendid  periods  are 
being  prostitued  to  deprive  her  of  her  rights  and  to 
enrich  an  already  over-fed  and  purse  bloated  million- 
aire, the  thought  will  palsy  his  slick  tongue,  his  heart 


100  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

will  arise  and  choke  his  utterances  and  his  polished 
dactyls  will  not  flow. " 

Again  the  speaker  was  interrupted  by  the  little 
gentleman  who  was  now  becoming  furious  in  his 
rage,  so  much  so  that  he  could  scarcely  make  his  ob- 
jection understood  by  the  court.  It  was  however 
promptly  overruled  and  the  speaker  thus  proceeded: 

"  My  atomic  opponent  is  not  pleased  at  my  remarks, 
gentlemen.  I  am  sorry  that  I  have  no  talent  to  enter- 
tain you  as  he  has,  but  do  not  allow  my  awkwardness 
to  prejudice  you  against  my  poor  client.  Orators, 
gentlemen,  sometimes  have  poor  tastes  in  the  selection 
of  the  objects  of  their  eloquence.  I  am  not  a  warm- 
hearted man  like  my  friend.  I  have  a  weather  eye 
for  the  main  chance  and  often  need  money,  but  if 
I  needed  it  as  the  drowning  man  needs  air,  I  could  not 
filch  it  from  this  poor  girl.  I  w^ould  rather  be  a  city 
scavenger,  and  clean  vaults  at  midnight ;  I  had  rather 
follow  the  wake  of  an  army  and  pick  the  pockets  of 
the  slain ;  I  had  rather  go  among  the  tombs  and  steal 
the  reeking  shanks  of  dead  men  from  their  shrouds 
and  peddle  them  to  doctors'  colleges  to  get  pence  or 
porridge  to  sustain  my  miserable  carcass  than  to 
prostitute  what  talents  a  merciful  God  has  given  me 
for  the  purpose  of  cheating  her  out  of  her  hard  earned 
money.  But  not  so  with  this  warm-hearted  master  of 
magnificent  rhetoric.  Even  now  he  is  sucking  wind 
nigh  to  bursting  preparing  to  turn  himself  wrong  side 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  101 

out  while  strutting  as  a  stopl  pigeon  for  the  would-be 
despoiler  of  this  helpless  gi-i." 

Again  Proud  appealed  to  theeourt  ^cr  protection 
and  was  again  refused.  His  color  was  now  ashen,  his 
lips  quivered  and  he  bit  them  con\ailsively  in  his  over- 
powering rage.  His  opponent  continued  for  half  an 
hour  longer  in  the  same  manner,  and  finally  closed 
with  these  words: 

"You  have  heard  me,  gentlemen.  What  I  have  said 
is  merely  an  introduction  to  his  great  speech.  I  am  a 
sort  of  John  the  Baptist  as  it  were,  in  advance  of  the 
coming  king.  Whether  he  will  uncap  a  volcano  or 
break  an  egg  is  beyond  my  knowledge.  But  I  intro- 
duce him  to  you  expecting  him  to  deliver  the  greatest 
'spread-eagle  speech'  of  his  life." 

Mr.  Proud  then  arose  and  spoke  about  five  minutes, 
calling  his  opponent  a  demagogue,  a  fool,  a  blather- 
skite, and  stated  that  the  case  on  trial  was  not  such 
as  justified  him  in  attempting  any  display  of  his 
powers.  He  then  closed  and  left  the  court  room 
hurriedly.  The  jury  retired  and  in  a  few  moments 
returned  a  verdict  against  him.  Proud  was  sent  for 
but  refused  to  return  to  hear  the  verdict.  When  the 
other  case  came  on  for  trial  he  let  it  go  by  default. 

A  thoroughly  equipped  lawyer  should  be  too  thick- 
skinned  to  allow  ridicule  of  any  kind  to  irritate  him. 
He  should  forget  himself  completely  in  advocating  the 
cause  of  his  client.    The  justice  of  that  cause  should 


102  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

fill  his  -mind  with  light  to,  the  exclusion  of  all  side 
lights.  He-vvill  the-n  be  secure  against  all  the  arts  the 
opposing  cQU.:iS,el  jnay  eqiploy  to  confuse  or  disable 
him: '  If  bn  the  contrary  the  ti-ial  lawyer  thinks  mainly 
of  himself  and  his  own  popularity  and  the  credit  which 
he  is  winning  for  himself,  his  senses  are  liable  to  be 
lost  in  the  fog  which  may  be  raised  by  the  breath  of 
the  opposing  counsel. 


\/ 


CHAPTER  XIII 

Honesty 

'npHE  charge  of  dishonesty  has  been  so  frequently 
"■■  made  against  lawyers  that  it  may  be  almost  con- 
sidered a  proverb,  and  yet,  it  is  certain  that  no  other 
class  of  men  is  so  implicitly  trusted  without  bonds  or 
security; and  none  has  a  greater  opportunity  to  profit 
by  corruption  and  escape  discovery.  Nor  is  there  any- 
where a  greater  temptation  to  use  trickery  and  de- 
ception for  success  than  in  the  practice  of  the  law. 
Considering  the  number  of  persons  who  practice  dis- 
honesty for  personal  profit  in  other  vocations  it  would 
be  a  wonder  if  the  legal  profession  were  not  tainted. 
This  subject  is  large  enough  for  a  volume  but  we  must 
confine  our  comments  to  an  ordinary  chapter  and 
notice  a  few  of  the  common  faults  of  lawyers  in  this 
respect  hoping  to  accomplish  a  lasting  good  to  the 
profession. 

First:  The  lawyer  should  certainly  be  honest  with 
his  client  at  all  times  and  under  all  circumstances. 
He  should  not  assure  his  client  of  success  or  even  give 
his  opinion  that  success  is  probable  until  he  has  ex- 
hausted all  available  sources  of  knowledge  on  which  he 
should  base  that  opinion.  The  client  comes  to 
103 


104  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

the  lawyer  as  an  expert,  implicitly  trusting  and  accept- 
ing him  as  a  guide  and  he  should  respond  to  this  trust 
by  thoroughly  fitting  himself  to  do  his  best.  How 
many  lawyers  do  this?  Do  not  many  take  the  state- 
ment of  the  client  and  their  general  knowledge  of 
law  as  their  guide  and  make  an  impromtu  guess, 
nailing  it  down  with  the  assurance  that  the  client 
has  a  "good  case"  and  is  sure  to  succeed?  Often 
indeed  have  men  and  women  embarked  in  litigation 
upon  assurances  so  formed  and  been  led  to  their  ruin. 
In  making  assurances  based  upon  such  small  infor- 
mation the  lawyer  is  guilty  of  gross  negligence,  in- 
competency or  positive  dishonesty.  Also  it  is  the 
duty  of  the  lawyer  to  conduct  his  client's  business 
with  as  little  loss  to  the  client  as  possible.  He  should 
not  prolong  it  to  increase  his  own  compensation  or 
that  of  his  friends.  He  should  not  discourage  a 
settlement  when  one  is  advisable.  The  interest  of 
his  client  should  be  his  compass.  How  many  lawyers 
are  there  who  observe  this  duty  in  its  fullness?  Per- 
haps not  many  prolong  litigation  to  increase  their 
own  compensation,  but  more  are  not  diligent  in  trying 
to  settle  the  litigation  that  is  profitable  to  them.  Still 
more  neglect  preparation  where  the  chent  is  unable 
to  pay  for  the  work.  A  lawyer  should  not  charge  an 
unreasonable  fee.  The  client  trusts  the  lawyer  to 
determine  the  amount  of  services  necessary  to  be 
rendered  and  to  fix  the  price  therefor.     So  intimate  is 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  105 

this  relation  between  attorney  and  client  and  so  kindly 
disposed  are  clients  toward  their  lawyers  that  they 
often  submit  to  excessive  charges  without  complaint. 
Some  lawyers  take  advantage  of  this  trust;  they  ex- 
aggerate the  importance  of  their  services  and  exact 
excessive  compensation  where  they  think  it  will  be 
borne  by  the  client  without  strife.  The  self-interest 
of  the  attorney  may  lead  him  unconsciously  to  an 
inflated  notion  of  his  services,  but  the  deliberate 
attempt  of  a  lawyer  to  take  advantage  of  the  neces- 
sities of  his  client  and  thereby  exact  what  the  lawyer 
knows  to  be  an  unreasonable  fee  is  as  bad  as  burglary 
and  seems  worse,  for  it  involves  the  betrayal  of  a 
sacred  trust.  It  is  like  robbing  an  insane  ward  or 
plundering  the  estate  which  a  dying  man  has  left  in 
one's  possession. 

Second:  It  is  the  duty  of  the  lawyer  to  be  honest 
with  the  court.  The  judge  depends  upon  the  lawyers 
for  his  information.  They  should  aid  him  by  a  fair 
and  truthful  presentation  of  the  law  and  facts  tending 
to  support  their  respective  sides ;  they  should  furnish 
him  with  such  arguments  as  they  believe  will  assist 
him  in  solving  the  difficult  questions  involved.  If 
they  fail  to  do  this  or  strive  to  mislead  him  relative 
thereto  they  make  it  less  likely  that  he  will  come  to 
a  correct  decision.  Some  lawyers  set  traps  and  drag 
nets  to  cause  the  court  to  stumble,  in  order  that  the 
errors  he  is  thus  caused  to  make  may  be  used  on 


106  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

appeal  to  reverse  the  judgment.  Some  boast  of  their 
success  in  this  regard.  They  accept  emplo}Tnent  on 
the  wrong  side  when  they  beheve  or  know  their  client 
is  not  entitled  to  any  relief  whatever  and  expect  to 
be  defeated  on  the  trial.  Then  to  gain  time  and 
baffie  their  adversary  they  induce  the  court  to  make 
mistakes  and  use  these  mistakes  to  get  a  new  trial 
thereafter.  They  thus  violate  their  duty  to  the  court 
and  to  the  public  and  become  obstructions  in  the 
administration  of  justice.  The  great  zeal  which  every 
lawyer  has  for  his  client  may  cause  him  to  exag- 
gerate unconsciously,  but  the  lawyer  who  inten- 
tionally deceives  the  judge  either  by  false  testimony 
or  unfair  citations  from  authorities  or  by  arguments 
which  he  believes  to  be  unsound  can  find  no  justifica- 
tion in  conscience.  How  many  lawyers  are  entirely 
free  from  fault  in  this  respect?  Human  nature 
is  weak.  The  trial  lawyer  in  the  management 
of  a  great  case  where  the  fortune,  liberty  or  life 
of  his  client  is  at  stake  is  fired  to  such  a  white 
heat  of  zeal  to  win  that  it  is  very  difl&cult  for  him 
to  be  perfectly  honest,  fair,  frank,  and  truthful  in  his 
dealings  with  the  court.  Some  very  eminent  law 
writers  and  judges  have  gone  so  far  as  to  justify  the 
undertaking  of  defences  which  the  advocate  knows  to 
be  spurious.  It  is  said  that  the  great  Roman  lawyer 
Cicero  contended  that  the  lawyer  should  be  prepared 
to  advocate  either  side  with  equal  zeal  and  effect. 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  107 

This  question  opens  a  great  field  for  discussion  and 
much  may  be  said  pro  and  con.  The  scope  of  this 
vokuTie  will  not  permit  an  extended  disquisition, 
but  the  writer  can  not  bring  himself  to  believe  that 
any  lawyer  should  ever  advocate  a  proposition  which 
he  does  not  believe  to  be  sound,  or  try  to  induce  the 
court  to  render  what  he  considers  a  false  judgment. 
In  doing  so  he  not  only  debases  his  own  mind  but  if 
he  succeeds  he  pollutes  the  Fountain  of  Justice. 
Until  the  lawyer  is  convinced  that  the  client  has 
some  rights  under  the  law  on  the  basis  of  truth 
he  should  not  undertake  his  case  and  if  at  any  stage 
of  the  proceedings  he  discovers  that  he  has  been 
mislead  in  this  particular  he  should  withdraw  and 
the  cause  be  advocated  if  at  all  by  some  one  who  does 
believe  it  to  be  just.  This  might  occasion  some  delay 
and  inconvenience  but  it  would  be  far  better  than 
having  a  member  of  the  legal  profession  become  the 
dishonest  advocate  of  and  partner  in  a  judicial  crime. 
Third:  It  is  the  duty  of  the  lawyer  not  to  deceive 
or  mislead  the  jury.  These  men  often  unlearned, 
inexperienced  and  impulsive  are  easier  deceived  and 
misled  than  the  experienced  judge.  They  are  more 
responsive  to  appeals  for  sympathy  or  to  prejudice. 
They  may  be  swayed  by  sallies  of  wit  or  stampeded  by 
furious  denunciation  and  the  trained  orator  having 
the  last  speech  may  cause  them  to  forget  the  evidence, 
disregard  the  instructions  of  the  court  and  decide  the 


108  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

case  upon  his  frantic  appeal.  The  peculiar  sus- 
ceptibility of  this  body  to  such  influences  makes  it  the 
duty  of  the  lawyer  to  be  particularly  careful  in  what 
he  says  or  does  before  them.  If  he  has  a  just  cause 
which  he  expects  to  win  upon  the  law,  and  relies 
only  on  truthful  evidence,  there  is  no  reason  why  he 
should  not  keep  the  minds  of  the  jury  clear  from  im- 
proper influences  or  any  distracting  matter.  If  he 
has  not  such  a  case  he  should  not  appear  at  all.  How 
frequently  have  lawyers  erred  in  this  respect?  In 
many  cases  tried  before  a  jury  the  over  zealous  advo- 
cate has  resorted  to  every  dcAice  he  could  employ 
for  fanning  the  passions  and  prejudices  of  the  jury 
and  leading  their  minds  away  from  the  evidence  and 
law  as  laid  down  by  the  court.  He  has  tried  to  destroy 
the  credit  of  the  opposing  party  and  his  witnesses  by 
unfair  assaults  upon  their  characters,  inuendoes,  sneers 
and  sarcastic  utterances  and  at  the  same  time  he  has 
flattered  the  jury,  courted  their  acquaintance,  and 
striven  by  smiles  and  fawning  to  win  their  favor. 
Many  lawyers  have  thus  vied  with  each  other  in  their 
efforts  to  mislead  the  jury.  This  practice  has  been 
encouraged  by  the  public.  Lawyers  who  have 
attained  the  greatest  skill  in  it  have  been  held  in  the 
highest  esteem  and  paid  the  largest  compensation. 
They  have  been  frequently  employed  in  doubtful 
cases  or  those  that  have  had  no  merit  because  it  was 
believed  that  they  could  thus  mislead  the  jury.     The 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  109 


literature  of  our  nation  contains  many  allusions  to 
triumphs  thus  obtained.  Histories  and  biographies 
of  prominent  lawyers  parade  the  practice  as  worthy  of 
emulation.  But  how,  we  ask  in  all  sincerity,  can  a 
thinking  mind  justify  such  a  practice  which  debases 
and  perverts  the  administration  of  justice  at  its  very 
fountain  head  and  makes  the  trial  of  a  case  an  un- 
certain farce  depending  upon  dishonesty  and  deception 
instead  of  on  a  dignified  and  honest  effort  to  arrive 
at  the  exact  truth.  The  lawyer  who  thus  misuses 
his  powers  becomes  debased  to  an  extreme  degree 
and  after  a  few  years'  experience  in  this  line  becomes 
so  accustomed  to  falsehood  and  dishonest  advocacy 
that  he  no  longer  has  any  respect  for  the  truth.  He 
becomes  a  peddler  of  false  wares,  a  trafficker  in  lies,  a 
hired  slanderer,  and  the  agent  of  any  scoundrel  who 
has  sufficient  money  to  pay  him  for  his  self-abasement. 
Fourth:  A  lawyer  should  also  be  honest  with  his 
opponents.  A  lawsuit  is  sometimes  regarded  like  a 
dog  fight  governed  by  no  rules  of  honor  which  either 
party  is  required  to  respect.  This  is  a  mistake. 
Even  warfare  has  its  code  of  honor.  It  is  not  con- 
sidered proper  to  use  poisoned  bullets  or  to  contrive 
the  defeat  of  an  enemy  by  counterfeiting  its  money, 
or  by  killing  prisoners.  No  kind  of  combat  between 
civilized  persons  is  without  some  rules  which  neither 
party  can  transgress  without  disgrace.  The  lawsuit 
is  an  intellectual  battle  but  it  is  a  battle  for  justice. 


110  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

Who  takes  part  in  it  should  do  so  because  he  wishes 
justice. 

Justice  has  ever  been  considered  by  noble  men  as 
the  most  precious  thing  in  all  this  world;  so  valuable 
that  even  life  itself  may  be  freely  given  to  obtain  it. 
In  its  name  the  greatest  and  the  best  have  cheerfully 
become  martyrs  and  gone  to  the  gates  of  death  as 
to  a  banquet.  What  then  should  be  said  of  that 
villain  who  asserts  that  he  is  striving  for  justice  and 
yet  violates  her  precepts  while  engaged  in  the  strife. 
"Who  seeks  equity  must  do  equity"  is  a  maxim  of  the 
court  of  conscience,  and  it  is  certainly  the  duty  of  the 
lawyer  to  deal  justly  and  fairly  with  his  opponent. 
He  may  not  disclose  to  him  the  sources  of  his  strength. 
He  may  not  strew  flowers  in  his  way,  but  he  should 
not  use  false  pretences,  trickery  or  deception  to  prevent 
him  from  fully  and  fairly  presenting  his  side  of  the 
case.  The  lawyer  who  understands  his  case  and 
believes  it  to  be  just  has  no  need  to  use  falsehood  or 
chicanery  and  if  he  does  he  unnecessarily  stains  what 
would  otherwise  be  a  clean  record  with  corrupt  matter 
and  endangers  his  just  cause  by  giving  it  a  bad  ap- 
pearance. No  appeal  is  stronger  than  an  appeal  to 
conscience.  So  powerful  is  it  that  even  rogues  are 
moved  by  it,  and  just  men  listening  to  it  catch  glimpses 
of  the  divine  image.  A  knave  is  flattered  when  his 
conscience  is  appealed  to  and  thus  is  made  friendly 
by  the  plea.     Other  things  being  equal  the  strongest 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  111 

lawyer  before  the  court  or  jury  from  the  Justice  of 
the  Peace  to  the  nation's  highest  court  is  the  one  who 
makes  the  clearest  show  of  good  faith  in  behalf  of 
himself  and  his  client,  from  the  inception  to  the  con- 
clusion of  the  case;  who  never  says  or  does  a  thing 
containing  the  slightest  appearance  of  falsehood  or 
unfairness  to  anyone;  who  treats  the  judge  as  if  he 
had  confidence  in  his  intelligence  and  integrity;  who 
treats  the  jury  as  if  he  expected  them  to  justly  and 
fairly  discharge  their  duty;  who  treats  the  witnesses 
as  if  he  desired  them  to  tell  the  truth  and  was  satisfied 
when  they  did;  who  treats  his  opponent  as  if  he  wished 
to  give  him  a  full  opportunity  to  present  all  the  facts 
and  law  on  his  side  of  the  case.  Such  a  lawyer  may 
occasionally  lose,  for  such  is  the  weakness  of  human 
institutions  that  even  a  just  cause  may  be  sometimes 
lost,  and  the  just  man  after  he  has  done  his  best  to 
ascertain  the  truth  may  be  mistaken  in  his  judgment. 
But  such  an  honest  presentation  will  usually  win; 
and  win  much  oftener  than  any  presentation  encum- 
bered with  the  appearance  of  unfairness  or  falsehood. 
But  leaving  out  all  questions  of  policy,  a  fair  and 
truthful  presentation  is  the  only  one  that  can  be  con- 
sistently tolerated  in  a  court  of  justice.  If  it  is  WTong 
for  a  plaintiff  to  try  to  collect  a  fraudulent  claim, 
it  is  wTong  for  a  defendant  to  present  a  spurious  de- 
fence; if  it  is  wrong  for  the  parties  themselves  to 
seek  to  defraud  each  other  and  resort  to  the  courts  for 


112  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

that  purpose  it  is  equally  wrong  for  a  lawyer  to  aid 
either  of  them  in  such  an  attempt.  An  honest 
purpose  may  be  assumed  for  a  time  and  some  be  de- 
ceived by  it,  but  this  part  can  not  be  so  successfully 
acted  as  to  long  deceive  many  persons.  There  are 
rents  in  the  garments  of  the  false  pretender  which 
open  in  spite  of  him  and  constantly  expose  to  the 
keen  eye  of  the  observer  his  real  purpose.  Observe 
the  advocate  who  has  undertaken  a  cause  which  he 
knows  to  be  unjust;  note  his  proceedings  from  the 
inception  to  the  conclusion  of  his  case,  and  you  will 
find,  on  every  paper  that  he  draws,  the  finger  marks 
of  his  corrupt  purpose.  His  claim  or  defence  will 
be  stated  with  undue  verbosity.  If  for  the  plaintiff, 
his  claim  will  be  stated  in  many  counts,  setting  forth 
the  cause  of  action  in  different  ways,  making  it  un- 
certain what  the  real  ground  is.  If  for  the  defendant, 
he  pleads  many  inconsistent  pleas,  most  of  which  are 
manifestly  false  and  fictitious.  During  the  trial  he  is 
constandy  objecting  and  taking  exceptions  hoping 
to  involve  the  record  in  error.  His  speeches  are 
stuffed  with  pretences  of  honesty  and  appeals  to  the 
jury  to  be  fair  to  his  "honest"  client,  to  believe  his 
"honest"  witnesses,  and  thus  by  much  protesting  he 
strives  to  cover  his  fraudulent  tracks  until  he  has  left 
hummocks  over  them.  He  smiles,  smirks,  and  plays 
the  courtier;  he  struts,  swaggers  and  bluffs;  he  be- 
smears  the    opposing   party  and  his  witnesses  with 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  113 

venomous  matter,  he  decorates  his  own  client  and 
witnesses  with  angehc  plumage.  He  affects  great 
piety  and  calls  upon  Deity  vociferously.  He  appeals 
for  sympathy  and  makes  an  unseemly  parade  of  what 
he  claims  to  be  the  sufferings  of  his  client.  He  scatters 
his  argument  and  interjects  all  kinds  of  sophistry. 
He  tries  to  be  witty  and  flowery.  He  seeks  a  personal 
controversy  with  the  opposing  attorney.  He  lugs 
into  the  record  matters  which  have  no  bearing 
upon  the  case  and  from  start  to  finish  tries  to  cloud 
the  atmosphere  of  the  case  with  doubt,  suspicion  and 
confusion.  Nor  does  he  exhibit  his  corrupt  purpose 
in  the  conduct  of  the  case  alone.  You  can  see  it  in 
his  w^andering  eye,  you  can  detect  it  in  his  uneasy, 
shifting  manner.  Even  the  tone  of  his  voice  has  a 
hoUowness  that  tells  the  practiced  ear  that  he  is 
conscious  of  a  criminal  intent.  On  the  contrary,  note 
the  conduct  of  the  lawyer  who  believes  that  he  has  a 
just  cause  and  that  the  law  and  the  facts  will  fully 
sustain  it.  Notice  the  direct  manner  with  which  he 
states  his  claim,  or  defence ;  how  clear,  few  and  exact 
the  expressions  which  he  uses.  Without  bluster  or 
parade  and  at  the  proper  time  he  states  what  he  claims 
the  facts  to  be, — not  clouding  with  extravagant 
phraseology  the  plain  facts  of  his  statement  nor  con- 
cealing by  pretences  of  ignorance  or  lack  of  prepara- 
tion the  matters  which  he  expects  to  prove.  Ob- 
serve how  ready  he  is  to  admit  that  which  he  knows  to 


114  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

be  true,  how  few  are  his  objections  and  exceptions; 
how  short  and  terse  and  to  the  point  are  his  arguments; 
how  free  from  rhetorical  flourishes,  attempts  at  wit, 
appeals  to  passion,  or  statements  of  flattery  are  his 
addresses  to  the  court  and  jury.  But  more  than  all 
this,  observe  his  personal  appearance  and  the  expres- 
sion of  his  countenance.  He  may  not  have  the  power- 
ful form  of  Achilles;  his  brow  may  be  wrinkled  with 
the  cares  of  anxious  years;  his  eyes  may  lack  luster 
from  long  years  of  study ;  his  shoulders  may  be  stooped 
and  shrunken;  his  form  may  be  crippled  by  toil  or 
disease ;  he  may  be  physically  as  frail  as  consumption 
going  down  hill  to  the  grave;  but  there  will  shine 
from  his  face  a  holy  light,  which  will  convince  all 
who  see  it  that  an  honest  man  has  appealed  to  a  court 
of  his  country  to  establish  a  just  cause.  The  wrongs 
of  his  client  require  no  palaver,  they  are  beetled  upon 
his  brow.  His  firm  faith  in  the  justice  of  his  cause 
flashes  from  his  eyes,  and  there  is  an  invisible  psychic 
power  which  comes  from  the  very  soul  of  things  that 
drives  his  words  into  the  hearts  of  men  and  wins  them 
to  his  cause.  An  honest  purpose  is  the  essence  of 
eloquence. 

The  lawyer  should  excel  all  other  men  in  his  love 
of  truth  and  his  enthusiasm  for  the  right.  None  others 
are  so  closely  allied  with  these  as  he  and  to  none 
others  is  their  importance  made  so  apparent.  That 
the  time  will  come  when  he  will  place  them  higher 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  115 

than  all  other  considerations  I  firmly  believe.  The 
fact  that  he  does  not  always  do  so  now  is  an  offspring 
of  that  erroneous  supposition,  that  the  lawyer  is 
everybody's  dog,  who  must  respond  to  the  call  of  any 
scoundrel  whose  misdeeds  have  placed  his  life  or 
liberty  in  jeopardy. 

A  person  charged  with  crime  should  be  able  to 
convince  an  honest  lawyer  that  he  has  in  truth  legal 
rights,  before  any  court  is  called  upon  to  try  them.  If 
he  can  not  do  this  he  should  plead  for  mercy  to  the 
pardoning  power  and  not  place  upon  the  public  the 
expense  of  conducting  a  trial  wherein  a  guilty  person 
by  tricks  and  false  pretences  is  but  trying  to  outwit 
the  court  into  giving  a  false  verdict. 


CHAPTER  XIV 

Physical  and  Spiritual  Development 

PHYSICAL  DEVELOPMENT— Industry  is  be- 

"*•  coming  yearly  more  essential  in  the  practice  of 
the  law.  So  many  and  complicated  are  the  subjects 
which  require  investigation,  so  nice  and  exact  the 
technical  points  to  be  decided,  so  numerous  the  de- 
cisions, statutes  and  constitutions  that  bear  upon  the 
questions  in  issue,  so  frequent  the  changes  and 
modifications  in  the  law,  that  the  lawyer  must  of  all 
men  be  the  most  active  and  alert.  Many  fail  in  this 
respect.  Study  and  meditation  tend  to  produce 
physical  inactivity,  and  cause  the  professional  man 
to  shrink  from  physical  exertion  and  depend  upon 
others  to  wait  upon  him  until  he  accumulates  much 
adipose  tissue  about  his  vital  organs.  From  this 
physical  laziness  comes  a  lack  of  mental  energy  and 
the  lawyer  thus  afflicted  settles  into  the  rut  where  he 
can  exist  with  the  least  exertion  bodily  and  mentally. 
Thus  he  inculcates  the  habit  of  acting  upon  mere 
impressions  and  intuitions  and  does  most  imperfect 
work.  This  condition  comes  partly  from  a  false 
pride  and  dignity  derived  from  ancient  customs. 
Those  high  in  authority  and  those  possessing  riches 
116 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  117 

have  usually  kept  many  servants  ready  to  answer  at 
call  and  obey  their  directions.  The  professional  man 
who  can  afford  it  has  imitated  these  habits  and  this 
has  done  much  toward  degenerating  the  individual. 
From  it  has  come  the  notion  that  every  one  should  be  a 
specialist  prepared  for  some  particuar  work  and  none 
other,  so  that  even  the  poor  in  the  most  common  de- 
partments of  human  industry  assume  a  kind  of  rank 
or  class  out  of  which  they  are  not  willing  to  depart. 
The  legal  profession  has  been  afflicted  with  this  folly. 
When  lawyers  to  preserve  their  bodily  health,  find 
some  physical  activity  necessary  instead  of  exercising 
their  bodies  in  the  duties  of  their  profession  they  often 
indulge  in  games  and  out  door  sports  that  are  quite 
irrelevant.  These  give  much  relief.  They  often 
become  so  attached  to  these  irrelevant  sports  as 
to  seriously  interfere  with  their  professional  duties. 
But  some  form  of  physical  exercise  is  indispensable. 
A  descendant  of  a  long  line  of  idlers  may  inherit  a 
physical  structure  which  will  enable  him  to  exist  in 
health  and  remain  inactive,  but  American  lawyers  are 
usually  the  scions  of  physical  strength.  They  have 
inherited  bodies  adapted  to  physical  exertion  and  they 
can  not  in  one  generation  so  reverse  the  habits  of 
their  ancestors  as  to  ignore  the  needs  of  the  physical 
structure  thus  inherited  and  allow  it  to  atrophy  by 
disuse.  Our  physical  bodies  are  nourished  and 
maintained  only  by  reasonable  use.    This  physical 


118  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

exertion  must  either  be  had  in  the  discharge  of  the 
duties  of  the  profession  or  be  obtained  in  some  ex- 
traneous, artificial,  or  irrelevant,  practice.  He  will 
be  the  best  lawyer  who  can  combine  physical  and 
mental  exercise  in  the  discharge  of  the  duties  of  his 
profession,  and  has  accumulated  no  false  dignity 
which  prevents  him  from  doing  anything  that  is  neces- 
sary to  be  done.  He  will  thus  keep  his  muscles  free 
from  excessive  fat  and  ready  for  use  and  take  delight 
in  performing  any  useful  service.  By  thus  combining 
expert  bodily  activity  with  a  keen  and  alert  mind  he 
becomes  more  than  a  match  for  any  lawyer  who 
must  be  waited  on  in  everything  and  abstains  from 
physical  exertion  until  he  is  so  fat  he  has  difficulty  to 
move  about.  To  the  man  thus  evenly  developed, 
physical  activity  and  mental  exertion  will  be  both  a 
pleasure  and  his  professional  labor  a  delight,  while 
the  lawyer  physically  dormant  will  soon  dread 
all  exertion  mental  as  well  as  physical  and  finally 
become  so  lazy  that  every  duty  will  distress  him.  He 
will  acquire  fatty  degeneration  of  the  heart  and  a 
similar  degeneration  of  the  brain  and  finally  become 
unfit  for  his  professional  duties. 

Spiritual  Development. — Surely  none  have 
greater  need  of  spiritual  development  than  the  lawyer. 
He  should  be  religious  in  the  highest  sense.  By  reli- 
gion I  mean  a  sincere  consciousness  of  an  obligation 
to  the  management  of  the  universe  which  transcends  all 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  119 

other  ties;  a  conviction  that  conscious  life  is  given  as  a 
trust  to  be  discharged  by  working  for  the  betterment 
of  all,  for  the  development  and  perfection  of  the  whole 
according  to  one's  highest  ideal.     It  is  the  militant 
spirit  which  regards  birth  as  a  call  to  arms  in  the 
Divine  service,  from  which  the  faithful  soldier  will 
never  be  mustered  out.     This  thought  inspires  the 
upward  glance,  unscales  the  eye  of  faith,  produces 
that  inflexible  courage  which  remains  undaunted  under 
the  most  trying  ordeals,  and  with  prophetic  eye  sees 
beyond  the  mists  of  doubt  and  chance  to  the  final 
triumph  of  the  eternal  right.    'Tis  religion  has  been 
the  inspiration  and  support  of  the  greatest  in  all  ages, 
the  authors,  poets,  painters,  soldiers,  statesmen,  philos- 
ophers and  martyrs.     But  nowhere  is  it  more  useful 
than  in  the  legal  profession.     Without  it  the  well 
trained  lawyer  will  often  give  way  under  the  disap- 
pointment and  disaster  that  threatens  to  o'erwhelm 
him.     This  religion  may  not  make  one  conventional, 
nor   scrupulous   in    ceremonial   rites.     A   man   may 
possess  it  and  be  profane.     He  may  fail  to  observe 
any  or  all  of  the  established  religious  practices  of  his 
time  and  country.     He  may  not  connect  himself  with 
any  of  the  institutions  for  the  propagation  of  religious 
doctrine.     He   may  regard  the  creed  of  his  fellow 
citizens  as  fallacious  or  absurd,  and  yet  have  a  faith 
that  gives  strength  to  withstand  the  storms  of  mis- 
fortune, live  for  the  benefit  of  humanity  and  die  in 


120  FOIBLES   OF   THE  BAR 

the  consciousness  of  duty  well  done.  But  it  is  better 
that  the  lawyer  familiarize  himself  with  the  religious 
faith  of  his  contemporaries,  their  customs,  rites,  and 
usuages  and  if  he  can  not  conscientiously  practice  them 
he  should  not  needlessly  antagonize  them  or  show 
them  disrespect.  They  appear  true  to  his  fellow 
citizens  and  adapted  to  their  natures,  and  are  sacred 
in  their  eyes.  As  the  wise  traveler  in  foreign  climes 
adopts  so  far  as  he  may  the  wearing  apparel,  customs 
and  manners  of  the  people  with  whom  he  associates 
so  will  the  wise  lawyer  facilitate  his  journey  in  his 
profession  by  conforming  as  far  as  he  can  con- 
sistently to  the  practices  and  customs  of  the  society 
in  which  he  moves.  Of  course  he  must  be  honest, 
and  cannot  be  a  hypocrite  without  degradation. 
But  most  of  the  manners  and  customs  of  mankind 
are  indifferent  in  moral  significance.  Their  chief 
merit  lies  in  the  fact  that  they  are  established  and 
thereby  they  constitute  a  part  of  the  order  of  society. 
Such  for  illustration  is  the  custom  of  turning  to  the 
right  in  some  countries  and  turning  to  the  left  in 
others.  If  both  persons  turn  to  the  right  they  pass 
without  collision,  but  if  one  turns  to  the  right  and  the 
other  to  the  left,  they  collide  and  obstruct  each  other. 
There  is  however  no  moral  reason  why  it  should  not 
be  as  correct  to  turn  in  one  direction  as  another,  except 
that  the  structure  of  organized  society  requires  some 
custom  and  the  established  one  becomes  the  one 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  121 

necessary  to  be  obeyed.  By  thus  observing  the  estab- 
lished order,  social  life  moves  in  music  like  a  good 
dancer  in  the  dance  and  the  product  is  the  hap- 
piness of  all. 

Many  lawyers  lack  religion  as  here  defined.  They 
feel  no  obligation  to  promote  the  cause  of  righteous- 
ness. They  stand  ready  to  sacrifice  the  just  rights  of 
persons,  communities,  and  even  the  government 
that  they  may  wear  the  gaudy  plumage  of  present 
riches.  They  will  sell  the  liberties  and  even  the  lives 
of  their  fellow  citizens  and  fashion  shackles  to  torture 
millions  yet  unborn,  if  they  can  receive  the  golden 
drippings  from  such  nefarious  schemes.  They  will 
descend  to  depths  of  self-abasement  almost  beyond 
belief.  No  greed  besotted  slave  of  Mammon  ever 
had  a  scheme  so  vile,  so  desperate,  so  fraught  with 
human  woe,  so  deaf  to  decency  and  pity,  that  he  could 
not  find  a  lawyer,  yes,  some  trained  and  learned 
member  of  the  bar  who  would  for  a  fee  share  in  this 
infamous  design.  No  talent,  learning  or  skill,  will 
make  a  righteous  lawyer.  That  religion  only  will  do 
it  which  puts  the  right  above  all  other  motives.  This 
quality  is  the  spiritual  crovm  of  the  good  man  and 
whether  he  be  a  king  upon  a  throne  or  a  serf  in  a  slave- 
pen,  if  he  has  it  he  has  a  great  soul  and  is  capable 
of  becoming  an  efficient  worker  anywhere.  He  is  a 
solid  plank  in  the  ship  of  state ;  but  if  he  has  it  not 
he  can  not  be  safely  used  in  any  place. 


CHAPTER  XV 

Some  Common  Errors 

The  Self-Reference  Error 

TTXAMINE  the  orations  which  have  come  down 
^'^  to  us,  poHtical,  religious,  scholastic,  or  scientific 
and  you  will  find  them  replete  with  references  made 
by  the  speaker  to  himself,  sometimes  garrulous  but 
usually  in  self-commendation.  Go  into  the  pulpit, 
the  rostrum,  or  the  legal  forum  and  listen  to  the  ad- 
dresses of  the  most  noted  speakers  and  you  will  hear 
many  such  references.  One  would  suppose  that  a 
lawyer  of  experience  who  has  an  antagonist  ready  to 
expose  and  magnify  his  weak  points  would  be  less 
likely  to  indulge  this  practice  than  others,  yet  in  every 
court  in  the  land  and  even  before  the  most  august 
court  in  the  nation,  the  battle-scarred  veterans  of  the 
bar,  speaking  under  a  time  limit  in  cases  of  the 
greatest  importance,  where  every  word  is  precious, 
introduce  themselves  in  evidence  and  discuss  their 
own  personalities  when  attempting  to  discuss  questions 
of  law.  This  practice  sometimes  crops  out  in  printed 
briefs.  Can  there  be  any  doubt  of  its  folly?  The 
personal  character  of  the  speaker,  his  likes  and  dis- 
122 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  123 

likes,  the  extent  of  his  experience,  his  family  or  political 
relations,  are  entirely  out  of  place.  Is  not  all  self- 
laudation  odious  and  self-depreciation  foolish?  Do 
not  these  references  unnecessarily  consume  the  time 
of  the  court  and  distract  the  attention  from  the  real 
points  in  question  as  well  as  weary  the  listener?  That 
lawyer  will  be  the  most  effective  who  can  rivet  the 
attention  of  the  court  and  jury  to  the  pivotal  question 
in  the  case  and  bring  their  attention  in  the  clearest  and 
best  manner  to  the  most  convincing  facts  tending  to 
establish  his  theory. 

The  Personal  Abuse  Error 

Closely  connected  with  the  self-reference  error 
is  the  practice  of  abusing  the  adversary.  The  lawyer 
who  parades  his  own  personality  for  emulation  is 
almost  certain  to  defame  his  adversary.  Few  indeed 
are  the  lawyers  who  argue  cases  without  some  scurril- 
ous reference  to  the  opposing  lawyer  and  many  in- 
clude the  opposite  party  and  all  his  witnesses,  unless 
perchance  some  witness  has  aided  his  side  and  then 
he  substitutes  fulsome  flattery  for  scurrility.  The 
personal  character  of  the  opposing  comisel  is  not 
germane  to  the  discussion  and  all  aspersions  against 
the  character  of  the  opposite  party  and  his  witnesses 
not  supported  by  the  evidence  can  only  excite  pre- 
judice and  mislead  a  weak-minded  judge  or  jury. 
They  rarely  accomplish  their  object  and  when  they 


124  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


do  are  vicious  to  a  high  degree,  and  the  attempt 
should  always  be  considered  as  bad  as  an  effort  to 
bribe  the  jury.  It  is  to  be  hoped  the  time  will  come 
when  these  twin  rehcs  of  barbarism,  laudation  of 
self  and  defamation  of  opponents,  will  no  longer  dis- 
grace the  forum,  when  the  mind  of  the  advocate  will 
be  sufficiently  trained  to  discuss  the  real  questions 
without  entangling  them  with  venomous  matter. 

The  Flattery  Error 

The  use  of  flattery  as  a  device  for  obtaining  results 
is  well  nigh  universal.  By  tickling  the  vanity  of  the 
victim  his  intellect  is  put  to  sleep  and  he  becomes  an 
easy  prey.  The  success  of  this  device  depends  upon 
the  susceptibility  of  the  victim  to  such  blandishments 
and  the  skill  and  judgment  with  which  this  form  of 
sedative  is  applied.  In  some  degree  most  persons  are 
subject  to  this  influence,  although  all  admit  such  com- 
ments should  have  no  effect  whatever  in  forming  a 
judgment  on  any  proposition  of  fact  or  law.  Refer- 
ence to  the  personality  of  the  judicial  officer,  whether 
a  Judge  or  juror,  should  therefore  be  considered 
offensive  because  irrelevant,  and  being  used  to  take 
advantage  of  a  supposed  weakness  is  a  reflection  upon 
the  intelligence  of  the  officer.  How  frequently  do 
lawyers  of  high  standing  and  wide  experience  use 
this  device  when  addressing  Judges  and  jurors  and 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  125 

how  often  are  these  tribunals  cajoled  thereby.  If 
the  time  shall  ever  come  when  persons  shall  have 
acquired  such  mental  acuteness  that  they  will  consider 
the  questions  under  discussion,  and  those  only,  good 
men  will  refrain  from  such  devices  and  knaves  will 
see  the  folly  of  them.  Then  we  will  no  longer  hear 
the  public  speaker  begin  his  address  by  expressing  his 
delight  at  meeting  such  an  intelligent  audience,  the 
legislator  will  not  refer  to  his  "learned  opponent," 
and  the  lawyer  will  not  descant  upon  the  integrity 
or  intelligence  of  the  jury  or  the  learning  and  fairness 
of  his  Honor  upon  the  bench. 

Impassioned  Eloquence  Error 

Since  suitors  have  been  represented  by  advocates 
it  has  been  customary  for  these  advocates  to  appeal 
to  the  feelings  and  passions  of  the  court.  The  law 
student  is  often  referred  to  the  passionate  orations  of 
Grecian,  Roman  and  English  lawyers,  as  models  of 
forensic  eloquence.  Thus  his  youthful  mind  has 
acquired  the  idea  that  to  become  a  great  lawyer  he 
must  be  a  master  of  the  art  of  "stirring  men's  blood. " 
When  he  begins  his  practice  he  soon  finds  that  his 
standing  at  the  bar  and  with  his  client  depends  upon 
his  capacity  to  make  such  appeals. 

There  never  was  a  time  in  a  government  of  law  when 
such  appeals  were  truly  in  order.  The  English  and 
American  laws  forbid  the  deciding  of  a  case  on  account 


126  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

of  passion  or  prejudice  by  either  courts  or  juries  and 
verdicts  are  often  set  aside  when  it  appears  that  they 
have  been  so  obtained.  Jurors  are  charged  to  re- 
frain from  any  sympathy  with  either  party  or  bias 
in  favor  or  against  either  side.  The  surest  means 
of  reaching  an  accurate  judgment  is  to  keep  the  mind 
entirely  free  from  any  feehngs  in  favor  of  or  against 
either  party.  No  person  is  ever  assisted  in  forming 
a  correct  judgment  by  having  his  emotions  harrowed 
up  by  passionate  appeals.  On  the  contrary,  he  is 
likely  to  be  prevented  from  giving  the  matter  an  intelli- 
gent and  impartial  consideration.  What  the  law  is 
in  a  given  case  is  a  matter  of  fact  which  can  not  be 
varied  in  the  slightest  degree  by  any  passionate  appeal. 
What  the  truth  is  on  any  disputed  point  in  the  evidence 
is  another  fact  which  no  amount  of  enthusiasm  can 
alter.  The  only  effect  these  oratorical  pyrotechnics 
can  have  upon  the  decisions  of  law  or  disputed  ques- 
tions of  fact  is  pernicious.  Why  then  are  they  indulged 
in  by  able  and  conscientious  lawyers?  Why  then  are 
they  permitted  by  the  court?  Why  do  the  general 
public  endorse  such  efforts?  If  jurors  are  not  allowed 
to  consider  them  why  should  lawyers  be  permitted 
to  make  them? 

Before  human  government  had  crystallized  into  a 
system  of  positive  law  cases  were  decided  upon  public 
sentiment,  or  the  notion  the  tribunal  had  of  justice. 
Such  appeals  may  have  then  been  applicable  as  they 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  127 

are  now  applicable  in  legislative  bodies  where  the 
law  is  being  enacted  or  in  appeals  to  the  pardoning 
power,  or  to  the  judge  when  called  upon  to  fix  a 
sentence.  But  where  the  inquiry  is  merely  what  is 
the  law  and  what  are  the  facts  such  appeals  have  no 
place.  They  are  inconsistent  with  logic  and  the  sound 
administration  of  legal  justice  and  should  be  aban- 
doned. The  fact  that  such  appeals  are  permitted 
and  relied  upon  has  greatly  diminished  the  quantity  of 
legal  learning.  Instead  of  diligently  examining  the 
decisions  and  statutes  to  ascertain  the  state  of  the 
law  the  advocate  counts  upon  his  capacity  to  befog  the 
court  and  jury.  He  cudgels  his  imagination  for 
pathetic  and  venomous  matter  and  stuffs  his  mind 
in  preparation  for  fireworks,  hoping  to  dazzle  his 
auditors,  wring  their  hearts  and  drive  them  to  his 
side  by  storms  of  indignation  against  his  opponents. 
He  also  neglects  to  investigate  all  the  surrounding 
circumstances  and  to  produce  in  evidence  all  the 
facts  which  tend  to  support  his  case,  preferring  to 
rely  upon  extraneous  matter  and  the  products  of 
his  imagination  to  procure  a  decision.  There  has 
been  some  progress  in  this  practice  for  the  better  in 
recent  years.  The  old  style  orators  are  rapidly 
passing,  and  when  the  pernicious  character  of  this 
rhetoric  is  fully  realized  the  court  may  not  be  so 
interesting  to  onlookers  but  it  will  come  nearer  giving 
accurate  judgments. 


128  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

The  Boasting  Error 
Those  who  have  taken  part  in  contests  of  any  kind 
requiring  physical  or  mental  excellence  often  waste 
much  time  in  telling  their  experiences.  The  soldier 
who  took  part  in  a  thrilling  exploit  in  his  youth  may 
spend  much  of  the  remainder  of  his  life  in  talking 
about  this  experience  and  thus  his  honorable  action  be 
made  a  great  tax  upon  his  energies  for  the  balance 
of  his  days  Travelers  who  have  encountered  a 
perilous  journey  and  some  who  have  had  journeys 
which  were  not  perilous,  have  for  years  afterwards 
consumed  much  of  the  time  of  their  friends  and 
acquaintances  in  telling  over  and  over  again  what 
they  have  encountered.  Persons  who  have  held  a 
prominent  office  frequently  find  it  necessary  after- 
wards to  revert  back  to  the  fact  when  it  is  immaterial 
to  the  subject  under  discussion.  The  experiences 
of  the  lawyer  ought  to  do  much  toward  curbing  this 
disposition.  His  training  and  acute  knowledge  of 
human  nature  should  make  him  aware  of  its  waste 
of  time  and  annoyance  to  others  and  the  bad  taste 
thus  exhibited.  But  does  it?  A  large  proportion 
of  the  ablest  and  best  trained  lawyers  are  guilty  of  this 
folly.  Clients,  friends,  casual  acquaintances  and 
even  persons  just  introduced  are  asked  to  listen  to 
the  details  of  victories  in  court,  statements  of  shrewd 
plans  laid,  and  smart  things  said  and  applause  gained. 
So  common  has  this  vice  of  boasting  and  self-laudation 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  129 

become  among  successful  lawyers  that  but  few  persons 
enjoy  their  society.  It  would  not  seem  so  bad  if  these 
blowers  of  their  own  horns  would  pause  for  a  few 
moments  and  peacefully  listen  while  the  other  fellow 
has  a  chance  to  blow  his  horn,  but  they  become  very 
uneasy  and  much  dif:>tressed  whenever  anybody  else 
attempts  to  indulge  in  the  same  practice.  Thus  they 
exhibit  the  common  feelings  of  mankind,  for  people 
generally  do  not  relish  the  boasting  even  of  their 
friends.  These  emanations  are  either  a  species  of 
cheap  advertising  or  external  manifestations  of  con- 
ceit and  vainglory  and  they  are  usually  unreliable. 
It  is  generally  known  that  the  one  who  brags  of  his 
own  exploits  rarely  tells  the  exact  truth.  The  lauda- 
tion of  self  is  also  oppressive  upon  the  person  who 
must  listen,  for  he  is  under  a  constant  strain  to  main- 
tain his  own  individuality  against  the  towering 
picture  that  the  blowhard  draws  of  himself  and  if  he 
can  not  do  this  he  is  depressed  by  a  feeling  of  self- 
depreciation.  Life  is  short  even  with  the  most 
fortunate  and  the  brief  time  allotted  ought  to  be 
used  for  some  more  beneficent  purpose  than  that 
of  boasting  or  listening  to  someone  else  boast.  The 
wise  person  acts  and  lets  the  action  speak  for  itself 
while  he  acts  again  trying  to  make  each  act  more 
worthy  of  emulation  than  the  one  which  preceded  it. 
It  is  the  foolish  who  having  done  something  creditable 
make  the  fact  of  its  performance  a  curse  to  themselves 


130  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

and  humanity  by  forever  afterwards  advertising  and 
exalting  it. 

The  Error  of  Predicting  Future  Events 

The  prophet  has  always  been  abroad  in  the  land. 
Where  there  is  the  least  knowledge  there  is  the  greatest 
taste  for  prophecy.  Future  events  ordinarily  depend 
upon  so  many  unknown  causes  that  none  can  foretell 
what  will  happen  to  a  certainty,  and  yet  there  are 
multitudes  willing  to  pay  for  these  guesses  and  rely 
upon  them.  None  know  better  than  the  lawyer  how 
foolish  it  is  to  predict  the  result  of  a  lawsuit;  that  all 
controversies  depending  upon  the  opinion  of  the  court 
relative  to  questions  of  law  or  fact  are  always  doubt- 
ful until  the  court  of  last  resort  has  denied  the  petition 
for  a  rehearing.  Yet  there  are  many  lawyers  who 
predict  results  in  lawsuits  to  their  clients,  the  general 
pubHc  and  to  their  friends.  In  dealing  with  their 
antagonists  they  also  vauntingly  prophesy  their  own 
success.  Thus  !they  quiet  their  own  nerves,  lull  their 
clients  into  inactivity  and  cause  them  to  base  their 
future  transactions  upon  these  predictions.  When 
defeat  comes  these  prophets  collapse  or  become  dis- 
tracted and  the  client  experiences  a  shock  which  dis- 
gusts him  with  the  courts  and  prevents  him  from 
appealing  the  suit.  If  the  lawyer  instead  of  predicting 
success  had  properly  explained  the  uncertainty  of  the 
result  and  thus  prepared  his  client  for  disaster,  the 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  131 

defeat  would  not  have  been  such  a  catastrophe.  If 
the  cHent  had  realized  how  much  the  result  depended 
upon  his  own  exertions  he  would  have  made  a  greater 
effort  in  preparation  and  might  have  won.  The 
lawyer  deals  with  practical  matters,  the  issue  of  which 
depends  upon  his  wisdom,  preparation,  and  skill  in 
the  management  of  his  forces.  He  loses  time  and 
credit,  and  wastes  his  energies  when  he  assumes  fore- 
knowledge. He  should  leave  the  field  of  prophecy  to 
clairvoyants,  fortune  tellers  and  mystics. 

The  Error  of  the  Story-Telling  Habit 

It  is  usual  to  tell  stories  in  public  speeches.  Even 
where  the  proposition  is  so  plain  that  it  needs  no 
illustration,  a  story  is  often  told  for  the  pretended 
purpose  of  illustration.  Some  speakers  have  ac- 
quired renown  as  orators  whose  addresses  were  but  a 
series  of  stories  joined  together  with  but  slight  connec- 
tion, the  stories  being  used  not  to  illustrate  the  sub- 
ject pretended  to  be  discussed,  but  the  subject  itself 
a  mere  incident  selected  to  accommodate  the  string 
of  stories  which  are  told.  Where  the  object  is  enter- 
tainment and  those  entertained  have  no  serious  pur- 
pose, these  stories  aid  in  passing  an  idle  hour,  but  in 
court  where  the  time  is  precious  and  the  business 
urgent,  story  telling  except  in  extreme  cases  is  out  of 
place.     Such   stories    are   usually   far-fetched,   and 


132  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


generally  fictitious  and  misleading  and  are  intended 
to  tickle  the  fancy  and  distract  the  attention,  instead 
of  instructing  the  mind.  The  teller  of  funny  stories 
will  usually  draw  a  crowd  who  give  but  small  atten- 
tion to  his  subject.  They  think  principally  of  the 
speaker  and  the  stories  they  expect  him  to  tell,  and 
the  speaker  feels  under  bonds  to  be  funny  and  smart 
to  meet  this  expectation  of  his  audience.  He 
becomes  self-conscious  to  a  high  degree  and  is  pre- 
vented from  making  a  close  argument.  The  time 
during  which  any  listener  can  concentrate  his 
mind  upon  a  subject  is  short.  The  minds  of  the 
best  listeners  are  likely  to  wander  after  they  have 
listened  one  hour.  The  majority  are  unable  to  endure 
the  strain  that  long.  The  advocate  should  avoid 
scattering  and  come  at  once  to  the  pivotal  point  in  the 
case,  improving  the  moments  when  the  Judge  and 
jury  are  the  most  responsive.  These  moments  are 
at  the  beginning  of  his  address.  He  should  reach  the 
gist  of  the  controversy  quickly  and  avoid  everything 
tending  to  distract  attention  and  should  hold  his 
listeners  to  the  subject  under  discussion.  He  should 
plainly  and  clearly  present  the  facts  and  the  reasons 
that  support  his  theory.  It  is  far  better  that  his 
hearers  adopt  his  views  than  that  they  think  him  an 
amusing  orator  on  the  wrong  side.  Occasionally  a 
startling  incident  may  be  used  to  fix  a  point  in  the 
minds  of  the  jury.     There  are  other  places  where  the 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  133 

mind  stocked  with  stories  may  display  its  exhibit. 
Those  who  inchilge  the  practice  of  teUing  stories  usu- 
ally become  addicted  to  it  to  an  unreasonable  degree. 
Lawyers  while  in  counsel  with  a  client  become  garru- 
lous, waste  his  time  and  their  own  and  as  age  increases 
they  become  story  telling  bores  repeating  over  and 
over  again  the  same  old  yarns  to  the  same  person, 
and  peddle  familiar  tales  which  have  become  a  part 
of  the  folklore  of  the  community. 

The  days  when  the  practicing  lawyer  had  time  to 
tell  stories  for  the  amusement  of  the  idle  crowd  in  the 
courts,  on  the  street  corners,  and  in  hotel  lobbies  and 
yet  keep  posted  in  his  profession  have  passed  away. 
If  we  knew  more  about  the  eminent  men  in  the  last 
generation  who  spent  their  time  in  that  manner  we  might 
find  that  they  were  not  so  learned  in  the  law  as  their 
reputations  would  seem  to  indicate.  In  those  days 
there  were  but  few  reports  and  treatises  and  they 
relied  upon  the  light  of  nature,  and  the  good  will  of 
the  court  and  jury  for  success.  The  profession  now 
must  use  a  great  and  ever  increasing  library  of 
authorities,  statutes  and  scientific  books.  Lawyers 
are  now  likely  to  see  justice  many  times  miscarry  if 
they  do  not  become  familiar  with  the  books  that 
treat  upon  the  subjects  in  controversy.  Loose, 
scattering  remarks  and  long  winded  tales  must  give 
way  to  accurate  and  precise  statements  supported  by 
creditable  evidence  and  authorities. 


134  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

Errors  in  Gesticulation 
The  lawyer  usually  speaks  "ofif  hand"  and  uses 
both  his  hands,  arms  and  sometimes  his  feet  and  legs 
in  so  doing.  Sometimes  he  threshes  the  fleeing  air 
with  his  clenched  fists;  at  others  he  hammers  the 
table  in  front  of  him  until  it  groans  with  discomfort. 
Often  he  clasps  his  hands  together  and  chops  the 
atmosphere  between  him  and  the  jury,  or  separates  his 
hands  and  swings  his  arms  like  flails,  or  works  them  as 
pump  handles.  Sometimes  he  may  cause  one  hand  to 
skim  like  a  swallow  while  the  other  coquettishly 
caresses  his  coat  tails.  Occasionally  he  bores  the  palm 
of  his  left  hand  with  the  index  finger  of  his  right  or 
pounds  the  aforesaid  palm  with  his  clenched  fist.  He 
often  shakes  his  head  like  an  enraged  bull  fighting  a 
red  flag;  or  he  paces  back  and  forth  before  the  jury, 
increasing  his  speed  according  to  the  rapidity  of  his 
utterances.  All  these  and  many  other  grotesque  and 
absurd  gestures  are  supposed  to  aid  his  argument  in 
some  way.  But  they  do  not.  They  are  mere  manner- 
isms which  wear  out  his  strength  and  tend  to  make 
him  appear  ridiculous.  They  show  that  the  speaker 
has  lost,  or  is  losing  his  head,  that  he  has  worked  him- 
self into  an  unnatural  mental  state  which  is  expressing 
itself  in  these  unusual  antics  and  gyrations  of  his 
physical  body. 

Error  in  Using  the  Voice 
Nor  are  the  gestures  employed  by  the  jury  lawyer 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  135 

more  absurdly  ridiculous  than  the  tones  of  voice  he 
uses  when  delivering  his  address.  The  jury  are 
seldom  more  than  a  few  feet  from  the  speaker,  often 
so  near  that  they  could  hear  him  if  he  whispered,  yet 
the  lawyer  sometimes  talks  so  loud  that  he  can  be 
heard  for  a  block.  Some  of  his  methods  of  emphasis 
are  to  yell  like  an  Indian,  to  scream  like  a  screech 
owl,  or  to  growl  like  a  grizzly  bear.  Sometimes  he 
strikes  the  key  of  the  donkey's  bray,  or  whines  like 
the  mourning  whang-doodle.  At  others  he  howls  Uke 
a  hound  on  a  fox's  trail.  Sometimes  he  lifts  his  voice 
to  the  roof  of  his  mouth  and  croons  a  lullaby  and  then 
lets  it  fall  until  it  seems  to  issue  forth  from  a  cellar. 
Often  a  sing-song  semi-quaver  lulls  the  jury  to  momen- 
tary repose  from  which  they  are  aroused  by  a  rasping 
gutteral  squeak  that  grates  upon  their  ears  and  nearly 
sets  them  crazy. 

Many  speakers  soon  after  starting  reach  a  monotone 
pitched  about  three  notes  above  the  ordinary  talking 
key  and  hold  the  pitch  without  variation  until  the  end 
of  their  address.  This  has  a  most  soporific  effect  upon 
the  court  and  jury  and  makes  them  wish  for  a  bed 
where  they  might  attain  to  a  state  of  unconsciousness. 
Few  indeed  are  those  who  use  common  ordinary 
tones  and  depend  solely  upon  the  ideas  conveyed  for 
effect,  yet  such  are  the  most  sensible;  they  save  theif 
strength,  and  get  the  best  attention  from  those  they 
address    toward    the    subject    they    discuss.    They 


136  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

certainly  make  a  much  better  impression  than  those 
who  stir  themselves  into  a  wild  frenzy  and  exhaust 
the  subject  by  exhausting  themselves;  whose  excessive 
inspiration  produces  perspiration,  until  dripping  like 
a  drowned  rat,  they  finish  or  rather  collapse  into  a  kind 
of  nervous  prostration. 

,(>-  The   Objection  Error 

All  who  have  witnessed  many  trials  have  been 
surprised  by  the  practice  among  attorneys  of  making 
prolix,  unnecessary  and  absurd  objections.  In  most 
jurisdictions  there  is  a  rule  of  law  requiring  that  an 
error  in  the  decision  of  the  court  in  admitting  testi- 
mony can  not  be  urged  on  appeal  unless  an  objection 
is  made  in  the  trial  and  has  been  overruled  and  an 
exception  taken.  The  objection  should  be  an  ex- 
pression of  the  opinion  of  the  lawyer  who  makes  it 
that  the  question  or  evidence  is  improper  and  his 
exception  should  be  his  affirmation  of  that  position 
after  the  court  has  ruled.  Good  faith  on  the  part  of 
the  lawyer  should  prevent  him  from  making  untrue 
and  unnecessary  objections  and  from  taking  an  im- 
proper exception.  Do  the  lawyers  always  show  good 
faith  toward  the  court  when  they  fill  the  record  of 
proceedings  with  great  numbers  of  exceptions?  Do 
they  really  believe  that  all  the  questions  and  evidence 
that  they  object  to  are  really  improper  in  law  and  that 
the  court  is  wrong  in  every  instance  where  they  take 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  137 

exceptions?  If  they  do  they  are  unfamihar  with  the 
most  elementary  rules  of  evidence.  It  seldom  occurs 
that  the  Judge  makes  more  than  half  a  dozen  mistakes 
in  the  trial  of  a  case  and  in  most  cases  these  mistakes 
are  not  so  many  and  yet,  hundreds  of  objections  and 
exceptions  are  often  taken  during  a  day's  trial. 
Also  note  the  character  of  the  objections.  They  usually 
state  no  grounds  whatever,  or  else  they  state  a  great 
number  of  grounds  most  of  which  are  manifestly 
absurd.  Thus  does  the  lawyer  show  a  lack  of  prepara- 
tion and  understanding  of  the  questions  involved  and 
a  dense  ignorance  of  the  rules  of  evidence  and  thus 
he  adopts  a  blunderbus  method  of  firing  into  the 
record  every  ground  of  objection  he  can  imagine, 
hoping  by  luck  or  chance  to  hit  something  that  may 
aid  in  getting  a  reversal  of  the  judgment. 

Where  verbatim  reports  of  the  proceedings  are 
taken  and  these  are  transcribed  and  made  of  record, 
these  needless  objections  make  much  unnecessary 
expense  to  the  parties.  An  advocate  should  know  the 
rules  of  evidence,  be  prepared  to  make  and  urge  specific 
objections,  and  feel  himself  in  honor  bound  not  to 
encumber  the  record  with  objections  or  exceptions 
that  he  has  no  good  ground  for  urging. 

The  Cross  Examination  Error 

Much  of  the  time  of  the  court  is  wasted  by  unneces- 
sary cross  examination.     One  party  puts  a  witness 


138  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


on  the    stand  and  has  him    detail   seriatim  all  the 
facts  in  his  recollection,  then  the  other  party  begins 
at  the  beginning  of  the  witness'   testimony  and  has 
him  tell  these  facts  all  over  again  with  such  additions 
as   may   occur   to   him   from    further    questioning. 
This  is  often  done  when  the  witness'  testimony  is  not 
important.     The   privilege   of  cross  examination   is 
accorded  the  other  side  to  test  the  recollection  of  the 
witness,  refresh  his  memory,  impeach  his  credit  by 
causing  him  to  make  inconsistent  statements,  and  to 
bring   out    any    other     matter    within    the    witness' 
knowledge  pertaining  to  the  subject  that  may  assist 
the  cross  examiner.     Unless  there  is  ground  to  suspect 
that   the   witness  has   testified   falsely,   there   is  no 
occasion  to  cross  examine,  unless  it  be  suspected  that 
the  witness  knows  other  facts  which  will  aid  the  cross 
examining  party.  Most  cross  examinations  strengthen 
the  testimony  of  the  witness  and  emphasize  it  in  the 
minds  of  the  jury.     It  requires  a  very  skillful  cross 
examiner  to  expose  a  liar,  especially  if  he  is  an  intelH- 
gent  one,  and  when  this  is  done  it  is  by  outwitting 
him  into  admitting  facts  which  tend  to  contradict 
him.     If  such  matter  is  pressed  upon  the  witness 
he  usually  extricates  himself  from  the  tangle.     The 
contradiction  of  a  false  witness  is  thus  accomplished 
if  at  all   by  a  few  questions.     A  lawyer  sometimes 
attempts  to  break  dowm  a  witness  by  a  protracted 
cross  examination  conducted  in  an  offensive  manner 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  139 

and  pushed  with  great  rapidity.  This  sweat-box 
process  is  more  likely  to  confuse  the  truthful  witness 
than  the  liar  and  it  ought  not  to  be  permitted  unless 
in  very  rare  cases  where  there  is  something  in  the 
manner  of  the  witness  or  his  evidence  which  gives 
grounds  for  suspecting  that  his  testimony  is  intention- 
ally false.  Persons  forced  to  go  to  court  as  witnesses 
are  entitled  to  decent  respect,  and  treatment  worthy 
of  the  citizens  of  a  free  country.  The  witness  is 
nobody's  cur  to  be  kicked  and  cuffed  about  by  over 
zealous  lawyers  and  should  in  every  instance  be 
given  a  fair  chance  to  tell  the  truth  as  he  remembers 
it.  When  he  has  told  it  he  should  not  be  brow-beaten 
and  insulted  for  the  purpose  of  intimidating  and  con- 
fusing him.  The  fact  that  a  liar  may  sometimes  be 
compelled  to  tell  the  truth  by  this  means  can  not 
justify  the  abuse  of  everybody.  The  cross  examina- 
tion should  be  sensible,  courteous,  and  limited  to  the 
necessary  requirement  of  a  decent  and  orderly  ad- 
ministration of  justice.  This  would  greatly  shorten 
the  length  of  the  trial,  reduce  the  expense  incurred 
and  tend  to  create  an  atmosphere  favorable  to  a  just 
decision. 

The  Repetition  Error 

From  a  remote  antiquity  the  practice  has  been 
prevalent  of  repeating  either  the  same  word  or  words 
expressing  the  same  meaning  for  the  purpose  of  em- 


140  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

phasis.  This  practice  may  have  been  useful  when 
the  human  mind  was  so  feeble  that  it  could  not  grasp 
an  idea  by  hearing  it  once  stated,  or  when  the  mere  use 
of  words  mustered  in  formidable  array  had  a  thrilling 
efifect  without  regard  to  their  meaning.  In  the  practice 
of  law  we  would  expect  to  find  less  of  this  unnecessary 
use  of  words  than  elsewhere,  because  it  is  a  learned 
profession  and  many  of  the  words  are  the  names  of 
battle  grounds  wherein  they  have  acquired  a  definite 
significance,  and  the  lawyer's  training  should  make 
him  able  to  appreciate  accurate  distinctions.  On  the 
contrary  there  is  no  department  of  human  learning 
where  repetitions  are  more  common  than  in  the  prep- 
aration of  legal  documents,  pleadings,  objections  and 
speeches  of  lawyers.  An  illustration  is  not  necessary 
because  there  is  scarcely  a  document,  speech  or  plead- 
ing that  can  be  referred  to  from  the  preparation  of  a 
common  deed,  lease  or  will,  to  the  delivery  of  an 
opinion  of  the  Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States 
wherein  this  practice  of  repetition  is  not  indulged. 
This  unnecessary  verbosity  coupled  with  the  use  of 
ponderous  and  uncommon  words  to  express  common- 
place ideas  seems  to  brand  the  profession  with  a  lack 
of  precision,  or  a  dehberate  desire  to  hoo-doo  the 
ignorant  and  unthinking  by  a  kind  of  incantation  or 
rigmarole  of  high  sounding  words.  May  we  not 
hope  for  a  day  to  dawn  when  the  facts  necessary  to  be 
stated  in  legal  proceedings  will  be  set  forth  in  simple, 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  141 

clear  and  concise  language,  and  all  documents  be 
so  prepared  as  to  be  easil)'  understood  by  everyone 
with  none  of  that  padding  and  unnecessary  verbiage 
which  serves  no  useful  purpose  and  tends  to  confuse 
and  increase  the  cost  of  placing  them  on  the  records? 


r 


CHAPTER  XVI 

A  Foil 

'T'HE  foregoing  is  not  a  complete  list  of  the  common 
errors  prevalent  in  our  profession.  Every  reader 
will  be  able  to  add  to  it  and  perhaps  suggest  char- 
acters more  entitled  to  consideration  than  any  herein 
sketched.  The  limit  which  the  writer  planned  for 
this  volume  has  been  reached  and  the  reader  is  proba- 
bly weary  of  considering  foibles  and  wishes  to  read 
something  creditable  to  the  profession.  The  delinea- 
tion of  the  virtues  and  good  qualities  which  are 
common  at  the  bar  would  be  a  much  pleasanter  task 
to  the  author,  but  it  does  not  properly  belong  to  the 
subject,  and  would  probably  require  a  much  larger 
book.  Merely  as  a  foil  to  what  has  heretofore  been 
written  we  take  pleasure  in  presenting  another  char- 
acter. 

Lycurgus  Law 

Amid  the  barren  mountains  of  a  coal  mining 
region  a  babe  was  born.  His  birth  was  considered  a 
calamity,  for  his  parents  were  very  poor  and  were 
long  past  their  prime.  They  had  already  raised  six 
children  all  of  whom  had  turned  out  badly.  The 
142 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  143 

father  had  no  education  nor  any  respect  for  anyone 
else  who  had.  He  took  pride  in  the  fact  that  he  could 
neither  read  nor  write.  Most  of  his  life  had  been 
spent  in  the  mines  surrounded  by  dirt  and  danger,  and 
it  was  more  important  for  him  to  endure  the  cramped 
posture  in  which  he  toiled  and  accustom  his  lungs  to 
the  powder  gases  and  coal  dust  than  his  eyes  to  the 
form  of  letters.  The  mother  however  could  read  and 
did  not  share  with  her  spouse  his  hatred  for  all  book 
learning.  She  had  taught  their  children  to  read  in 
their  infancy,  and  might  have  done  more  in  this 
respect  had  she  not  become  afflicted  with  chronic 
dyspepsia  and  nervous  prostration  long  before  Lycur- 
gus  was  born.  The  babe  inherited  a  tendency  to  his 
mother's  diseases ;  had  nervous  fits  in  his  infancy,  and 
suffered  much  from  indigestion.  The  mother  taught 
him  his  letters  and  how  to  spell  before  he  was  five  years 
of  age,  and  on  his  fifth  birthday  he  started  to  school. 
The  next  day  a  snow  storm  came  and  be  being  bare- 
footed, and  his  parents  lacking  the  money  to  provide 
him  with  shoes  his  school  days  were  over.  Before  the 
Spring  came  he  had  grown  large  enough  to  help  his 
mother  around  the  house,  and  he  could  not  be 
spared  to  attend  school.  So  he  remained  at  home 
until  he  was  twelve.  Then  he  began  working  with 
his  father  in  the  mine,  and  until  he  reached  his  matur- 
ity was  engaged  in  the  hardest  and  most  offensive 
manual  labor  connected  with  the  digging  of  coal. 


144  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

Somewhere  in  the  current  of  his  life's  stream  coming 
down  from  a  remote  ancestry,  there  had  fallen  a 
seed  which  was  destined  to  reach  the  light,  and  it 
had  lodged  in  the  brain  of  this  child  of  poverty.  Here 
in  the  darkness  it  struggled  to  burst  the  fetters  of  its 
hard  conditions.  Late  at  night,  and  in  the  early 
morning,  and  at  every  opportunity  this  boy  eagerly 
read  whatever  books  he  could  borrow.  His  father 
was  much  displeased  by  these  habits  and  often 
expressed  his  displeasure  in  offensive  epithets,  but 
finding  his  opposition  useless,  pronounced  the  lad 
crazy  and  said  no  more.  The  family  lived  in  a 
Swedish  settlement  and  the  boy  borrowed  from  the 
people  a  Swedish  Bible  and  by  comparing  that  with 
an  English  one  learned  many  words  in  the  Swedish 
language,  and  was  soon  able  to  converse  with  the 
Swedish  settlers  in  their  own  tongue.  One  of  the 
laborers,  who  could  speak  no  English  had  worked 
for  an  employer  who  refused  to  pay  him  for  his 
work.  This  laborer  laid  his  grievances  before  young 
Lycurgus  and  asked  his  assistance.  This  youth 
of  fourteen  years,  ascertained  by  inquiries  that 
there  was  such  a  thing  as  a  Justice  Court.  There 
he  went  and  brought  the  suit.  This  was  his  first 
case.  Barefooted,  hatless,  clad  in  a  ragged  shirt 
and  trousers,  but  strong  with  the  courage  which  comes 
to  the  promoters  of  a  just  cause,  he  went  into  court, 
acted    as    counsellor,    lawyer   and    interpreter,    and 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  145 

succeeded  in  getting  justice  for  his  client.  Against 
him  was  pitted  a  lawyer  of  large  experience,  who  made 
the  best  defence  he  could,  claiming  that  there  was  no 
contract  and  the  law  created  no  obligation  to  pay  for 
the  services.  But  the  magistrate  maintained  that 
law  was  justice  and  that  it  was  not  just  for  one  man 
to  refuse  to  pay  another  for  his  work.  This  was  the 
turning  point  in  the  lad's  career.  Suddenly  his  eyes 
were  opened  to  the  fact  that  there  was  a  law  which  gave 
the  poorest  and  feeblest  protection  against  the  richest 
and  strongest.  He  began  to  enquire  what  that  law 
was  and  how  it  came  into  being. 

At  a  considerable  distance  from  where  he  lived  was  a 
circulating  library.  To  this  he  often  journeyed  on 
foot  and  borrowed  books  of  history.  Thus  he  be- 
came familiar  with  the  annals  of  his  own  country, 
of  England,  and  many  other  nations.  He  learned 
that  the  body  of  our  laws  was  a  mighty  temple,  every 
stone  in  which  had  been  hewn  by  generations  of  toil 
and  cemented  in  its  place  by  the  blood  of  the  bravest 
and  best.  He  became  familiar  with  the  choice  spirits 
who  had  laid  its  foundation  and  he  traced  the  growth 
of  its  splendid  superstructure.  He  felt  his  bosom 
swell  and  his  eyes  filled  with  tears  as  he  read  of  those 
who  had  put  its  mighty  pillars  in  place.  Sweet  indeed 
was  the  message  which  came  from  Runnymede  when 
the  great  Barons  of  Britain  forced  the  Magna  Charta 
from  King  John,  and  set  a  boundary  to  the  tide  of 


146  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

despotism;  but  sweeter  still  the  story  of  that  day  in 
Independence  Hall,  when  the  master  minds  of  the 
American  Colonies  gave  birth  to  a  new  nation,  de- 
claring in  matchless  eloquence  the  soul-stirring 
truths  of  human  liberty.  He  read  again  and  again 
"Crisis"  by  Thomas  Paine  ;he  read  and  reread  Patrick 
Henry's  immortal  words  in  the  Virginia  Assembly; 
he  was  with  Warren  at  Bunker  Hill,  with  Washington 
at  Valley  Forge ;  he  scanned  the  long  line  of  unnumbered 
graves  that  reaches  far  back  in  the  remote  past  and 
connects  the  heroes  of  Thermopylae  with  the  latest 
martyr  for  human  rights.  And  notwithstanding  the 
denunciations  of  the  government  heard  about  him, 
he  learned  to  love  the  institutions  of  his  country  and 
reverence  her  flag,  and  he  desired  greatly  to  enlist 
in  her  service,  by  joining  that  body  of  men  who  have 
ever  been  the  foremost  to  defend  her  in  war,  and  to 
preserve  her  in  peace.  This  ambition  to  be  a  lawyer 
took  full  possession  of  his  very  soul.  He  was  not 
particular  where  he  began  or  who  were  his  instructors, 
nor  the  standing  of  the  school  in  which  he  was  taught. 
He  read  all  the  law  books  he  could  get,  he  asked 
questions  of  any  who  would  answer  and  his  school 
room  was  a  fence  corner  or  the  dump  at  the 
mine. 

Learning  is  a  kind  goddess:  She  always  comes  to 
those  who  seek  her  with  a  consecrated  heart.  She 
gives  the  pauper  in  the  wretched  hut  as  warm  a  wel- 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  147 

come  as  the  prince  in  his  marble  palace.  In  this 
manner  was  the  youth  of  Lycurgus  spent.  He  used 
no  nervous  stimulants.  He  contracted  no  debts 
he  could  not  pay.  He  played  no  games.  He  sought 
no  company  among  the  gay.  He  guarded  well  his 
health  and  strength,  that  he  might  endure  the  work 
he  had  chosen.  Finally  he  entered  a  lawyer's  ofl&ce 
and  later  was  admitted  to  the  bar.  There  for  forty 
years  he  toiled  as  a  lawyer,  beginning  at  the  bottom 
and  rising  among  his  fellows  like  some  tall  mountain 
laved  by  the  ocean  round  its  base  which  slowly  rises 
as  the  waters  wane.  On  the  enduring  granite  of 
truth  and  justice  he  founded  the  citadel  of  his  fame. 
He  took  no  causes  that  were  corrupt.  No  villain 
plea  did  ever  pass  his  lips.  He  stood  for  no  false 
doctrine  if  he  knew  it.  No  gold  could  buy  from  him 
a  sham  opinion.  Compared  with  that  rich  jewel 
which  his  soul  possessed  of  reverence  for  the  just 
and  true,  all  worldly  wealth  he  thought  but  dross, 
all  fame  bought  with  debasement  merely  poisonous 
vapor.  He  became  a  lawyer  of  the  highest  type. 
He  knew  the  law,  loved,  and  obeyed  it.  Not  as  a 
fetich  but  as  a  priceless  legacy,  to  be  valued  for  what 
it  cost,  guarded  with  zealous  care,  and  only  changed 
to  make  it  better.  He  kept  no  trumpet  blowing  to 
tell  his  merits.  He  let  his  work  speak  for  itself, 
content  to  do  the  best  he  could  with  that  which  came 
to  him.     He  ordered  all  his  work  so  that  none  would 


148  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

be  neglected,  and  if  he  could  not  promptly  try  a  case, 
he  did  not  take  it.  He  gave  no  preference  to  the 
rich  above  the  poor,  nor  one  above  another,  except 
the  wTong  that  needed  most  to  be  redressed  he  gave 
his  first  attention.  He  kept  the  latest  books  and  read 
the  latest  cases,  and  was  the  first  to  learn  of  any  change 
in  law  or  doctrine.  His  office  was  kept  in  order  and 
all  his  papers  where  they  could  be  quickly  found. 
He  was  not  called  an  orator,  for  what  he  said,  not 
how  he  said  it,  claimed  the  most  attention.  He  took  no 
time  to  boast  of  what  he  did  but  kept  on  doing,  striving 
each  day  to  excel  the  day  before.  In  every  court,  the 
lowest  to  the  highest  he  went  to  plead  his  clients' 
causes.  Judges  and  juries,  committeemen  and  boards 
all  heard  him  gladly.  They  sought  for  light  and  what 
he  said  shed  light  upon  the  points  in  issue.  Treating 
all  with  gentle  courtesy  he  never  flattered,  nor  did 
he  like  a  suppliant  beg  for  justice.  He  stood  erect, 
a  man,  favraing  on  none,  yet  modestly  he  spoke  the 
simple  truth,  most  eloquent  when  told  in  clearest 
phrase.  He  did  not  wander  from  the  issue,  nor 
magnify  with  ponderous  verbiage  the  wrongs  he 
would  redress,  nor  claim  all  virtue  was  his  client's, 
or  all  vice  dwelt  upon  the  other  side.  Nor  did  he 
speak  in  vain.  Each  victory  brought  him  greater 
credit  for  probity  and  lore.  Many  when  they  saw  him 
take  the  other  side  were  warned  thereby  their  case  was 
well  nigh  hopeless  and  by  a  careful  re-examination 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  149 

found  it  so  and  quit  the  contest.  Sometimes  great 
questions,  intricate  and  close,  on  which  vast  interests 
hung,  not  only  for  the  present  but  all  future  time, arose 
and  asked  his  aid.  Then  he  before  the  nation'shighest 
court,  his  audience  the  world,  made  such  an  argu- 
ment for  human  rights,  that  countless  millions  waited 
for  his  words.  They  came  not  forth  in  thunder  tones; 
no  lightnings  rent  the  feverish  air.  But  calm  and 
clear  and  unabashed  his  arguments  were  made,  and 
thus  without  a  seeming  strain  he  spoke  the  burden  of 
this  mighty  task,  as  simply  as  some  shepherd's  tale. 
Like  some  pure  spirit  from  a  better  land,  he  came  to 
talk  to  those  who  would  do  right  and  clearly  showed 
the  way. 

His  frequent  winnings  brought  him  great  renown, 
and  many  suitors  sought  him  in  their  cases,  but  most 
his  fame  spread  as  a  counsellor.  His  associates  at  the 
bar  made  him  their  oracle,  and  to  his  office  thronged 
to  get  his  judgment.  Judges  descended  from  their 
stools  to  beg  for  his  advice,  and  when  their  way  was 
dark  amid  the  quirks  and  quibbles  of  the  books  he 
pointed  to  the  star  of  right  and  made  the  path  to 
justice  clear.  Legislatures  ere  they  passed  a  bill 
would  often  ask  his  judgment.  For  he  knew  the 
constitutions  of  the  states  and  of  the  nation,  had 
traced  their  origin  through  all  the  battles  that  were 
fought  about  them  and  nearer  than  any  other  man 
could  tell  the  meaning  likely  to  prevail.    He  held 


150  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 


no  office  and  yet  the  president  and  congress  passed  by 
their  salaried  aids  and  asl^ed  for  his  opinion,  preferring 
to  base  the  fabric  of  the  law  upon  his  judgment,  than 
on  their  own.  Ambassadors  from  foreign  courts 
came  to  his  office  to  get  his  counsel.  Once  when  a 
question  in  the  laws  of  Nations  threatened  war,  a 
mighty  empire  acted  on  his  judgment. 

He  saw  the  race  for  wealth  but  joined  not  in  the 
chase;  he  heard  fame's  bugle  blow  for  those  whose 
hves  were  bad;  he  envied  not  their  triumphs  or 
renown;  the  siren  song  of  sensual  pleasure  wooed  his 
ear;  he  sought  a  higher  joy.  On  every  hand  some 
pleasant  voice  called  him  to  come  and  play;  his 
heart  was  with  his  books  and  in  that  task,  the  noblest 
man  has  planned,  he  found  sufficient  to  employ  his 
time.  Thus  did  he  live  and  work  till  death  came  like 
an  evening  zephyr  and  he  died  as  gently  as  the  clock 
runs  down. 

He  built  no  marble  palace  to  preserve  his  name,  no 
granite  temple  now  protects  his  dust.  But  firmer 
far  than  marble,  granite  or  enduring  brass,  the  strong 
foundation  of  his  fame.  As  long  as  justice  is  adored, 
the  principles  he  toiled  for  and  established,  shall  be 
his  monument,  and  those  who  read  the  simple  story 
of  his  life  shall  feel  new  inspiration  for  the  eternal 
right.  As  when  the  orb  of  day  passes  behind  the  west- 
ern hills  and  leaves  upon  the  heavens  his  fairest  hues, 
so  this  grand  soul  passed  in  his  progress  onward  far 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  151 

beyond  the   circle  of  our  mortal  vision,  yet  left  a 
radiance  filling  all  the  land. 

The  world  is  full  of  work  and  ways  for  man  to 
shine.  War  has  its  heroes,  and  when  their  cause  is 
just,  then  glory's  chaplets  fitly  mark  their  tombs. 
Bards  may  compete  for  fame  and  if  their  lines  bear 
messages  of  truth  and  right  they  well  deserve  their 
bays.  Riches  may  bring  renown,  when  justly  won 
and  fairly  used,  and  hard  earned  gold  may  keep 
fame's  taper  burning  when  no  breath  of  shame  may 
rise  to  blow  it  out.  But  be  the  bid  for  laurels  what 
it  may,  if  anywhere  it  wears  the  stain  of  crime,  the 
future  will  reject  it.  If  this  is  true  and  so  it  surely  is, 
then  how  can  any  lawyer  hope  to  win  the  highest, 
richest  prizes  of  the  world  and  use  his  gifts  for  an 
ignoble  purpose? 


CHAPTER  XVII 


The  Nation's  Need 


TT'NOWLEDGE  of  law  is  one  of  the  nation's 
greatest  needs.  Liberty  in  society  can  not  exist 
without  laws  embodying  principles  of  equality  and 
justice,  and  an  authority  strong  enough  to  enforce 
those  laws  against  all  transgressors.  A  government 
based  upon  the  popular  will  must  be  supported  by 
people  who  understand  and  appreciate  this  and  who 
will  select  representatives  familiar  with  the  principles 
of  these  laws  and  qualified  to  so  change  and  fashion 
them  that  they  may  conform  to  the  changing  needs 
of  the  people.  Every  citizen  should  therefore  under- 
stand the  constitution  of  his  state  and  nation  and  have 
a  general  knowledge  of  the  nature,  scope  and  principles 
of  the  laws  in  force  therein.  Certainly  no  one  should 
be  considered  educated  who  has  not  this  knowledge, 
for  without  it  he  is  not  able  to  properly  discharge 
his  duty  either  as  a  citizen  or  an  officer  of  his  country. 
Knowledge  of  law  is  especially  necessary  to  the  mem- 
bers of  all  legislative  bodies  from  the  City  Council  and 
local  boards  to  the  Congress  of  the  United  States. 
It  is  necessary  in  all  important  executive  offices  from 
the  constable  to  the  president  and  his  cabinet  and  it 
152 


FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR  153 


is  absolutely  indispensable  to  the  occupants  of  all 
judicial  offices,  and  in  those  who  assume  to  practice 
law.  The  pathetic  fact  is  that  not  only  the  general 
public  and  their  representatives  in  the  government 
but  even  lawyers  and  Judges  are  sadly  deficient  in 
this  knowledge. 

There  are  many  occupying  inferior  judicial  offices 
who  have  never  read  the  constitution  of  their  state 
or  of  the  United  States,  and  probably  could  not  find 
either  in  print,  without  the  aid  of  a  detective,  or  when 
found  understand  it  without  an  interpreter.  There 
are  lawyers,  many  of  them,  who  have  probably  not 
looked  at  these  venerable  documents  since  leaving 
school  and  at  that  time  had  no  clear  conception  of 
their  meaning.  The  statutes  of  their  own  state, 
they  have  never  attempted  to  read,  nor  to  acquire 
any  general  knowledge  of  them.  What  knowledge 
they  possess  they  have  obtained  by  looking  at  the 
index  for  any  subject  on  which  a  question  has  arisen 
and  then  following  the  lead  of  this  index,  for  a 
brief  glimpse  at  the  sections  referred  to  therein. 
Thus  a  few  chapters  may  frequently  have  been  looked 
at  until  quite  familiar,  but  the  rest  has  remained  a 
sealed  book.  Many  Judges  are  likewise  deficient 
in  knowledge  of  the  written  and  fundamental  laws 
of  their  country.  Some  of  them  in  the  highest  courts 
do  not  even  remember  the  decisions  ^\Titten  by  them- 
selves  and    announce   a   contrary   doctrine    without 


154  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

being  conscious  of  reversing  their  own  decisions. 
These  mistakes  of  course  happen  only  where  the 
lawyers  have  neglected  to  look  up  and  call  the  Judges' 
attention  to  their  former  decisions.  So  deficient  are 
many  lawyers  and  some  Judges  in  knowledge  of  law 
and  the  books  concerning  it,  that  they  are  unable  to 
find  the  law  when  the  books  are  placed  before  them. 
They  are  such  strangers  to  these  books  and  the  manner 
of  their  construction,  and  so  ignorant  of  the  catch 
words  used  in  the  indices  that  they  can  not  without 
spending  much  time  in  examination  find  the  text 
which  treats  upon  the  subject.  Nowhere  is  ignor- 
ance of  law  more  painfully  apparent  than  in  court 
trials,  when  an  ignorant  Judge  and  two  or  three 
ignorant  lawyers  are  making  an  effort  to  play  a  game, 
the  rules  of  which  are  unknown  to  them  or  where  one 
lawyer  familiar  with  the  law  is  putting  forth  a  spurious 
defence  and  shows  no  disposition  to  enlighten  the 
bewildered  Judge  or  the  opposing  counsel.  Many 
trial  lawyers  confine  their  practice  to  a  certain  line 
of  cases  such  as  the  prosecution  or  defence  of  personal 
injury  suits  and  do  not  assume  knowledge  of  law  out- 
side of  their  specialty.  Often  these  specialists 
gravitate  into  a  rut,  where  they  traffic  in  a  few  stock 
notions  of  the  law  and  in  their  addresses  use  a  collec- 
tion of  stock  arguments  which  they  string  together  like 
the  provisions  in  a  blank  insurance  policy  filling  in 
the  names  of  the  parties  and  witnesses  as  the  occasion 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  155 

requires.  These  make  no  progress  in  legal  learning 
and  appear  as  ignorant  as  babies  when  a  point  is 
raised  outside  of  the  draught  of  their  familiar  blank. 
Why  then  is  the  legal  profession  thus  deficient  in  the 
knowledge  of  the  law?  Is  it  so  difiicult  to  obtain 
that  only  a  person  of  transcendent  intellect  can  pro- 
cure it?  It  is  not.  Any  person  of  ordinary  intelli- 
gence with  a  fair  knowledge  of  the  English  language 
and  surely  one  with  a  preliminary  legal  education 
can  without  an  instructor,  by  studying  diligently 
three  hours  each  day  for  five  years  become  familiar 
with  all  important  legal  principles  and  the  books  in 
which  they  are  contained.  And  after  he  has  obtained 
this  knowledge  he  can  retain  it  and  keep  familiar 
with  the  changes  by  spending  one  hour  each  day  in  an 
effort  to  do  so. 

The  revised  Statutes  of  Illinois  including  the  con- 
stitutions of  the  state  and  nation  and  all  the  statutes  in 
force  in  the  state  contains  about  2,000  pages.  A  slow 
reader,  reading  three  hours  a  day  could  read  the  book 
seriatim  in  less  than  three  weeks,  and  a  rapid  reader 
could  become  familiar  with  its  contents  in  one  week. 

The  Second  Edition  of  the  American  and  English 
Encyclopedia  of  Law  contains  twenty-nine  volumes 
of  about  1,000  pages  each.  These  pages  embody 
the  whole  common  law,  and  by  reading  three  hours  a 
day,  a  slow  reader  could  read  the  entire  twenty-nine 
volumes  in  less  than  a  year,  and  a  rapid  reader  could 


156  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

become  familiar  with  them  in  half  that  time.  Then 
add  to  this  reading  a  work  of  i,ooo  pages  on  the  rules 
and  forms  of  pleading  in  force  in  the  state  where  the 
lawyer  resides.  This  he  could  read  in  two  weeks. 
He  has  now  covered  the  whole  field  of  jurisprudence 
and  has  at  least  three  and  one-half  years  out  of  the 
five  left  to  review  and  reread  and  to  read  such  other 
legal  works  as  he  may  desire.  This  would  seem 
ample.  The  task  of  becoming  familiar  with  the 
laws  of  one's  country  is  not  so  great  as  learning  to 
play  well  on  the  piano  or  violin  and  it  does  not  re- 
quire unusual  talent.  Why  then  do  lawyers  find  it  so 
difficult?  It  is  because  they  dislike  the  task  and  make 
no  systematic  effort  to  discharge  it.  They  lack 
appreciation  for  their  country's  institutions.  Its 
laws  are  dry  and  uninteresting  to  them  and  their  minds 
recoil  from  such  study.  Their  hearts  are  elsewhere. 
They  have  entered  the  profession  to  keep  the  wolf  from 
the  door  and  when  they  no  longer  hear  him  howl 
they  go  to  sleep  or  go  to  a  banquet. 

The  average  lawyer  in  the  city  gets  to  his  office  at 
some  time  between  nine  o'clock  and  nine-thirty  in  the 
morning.  He  looks  at  the  newspapers,  answers  or 
makes  a  few  telephone  calls,  and  when  not  called 
to  court  has  a  few  interviews  with  clients  or  visitors, 
dictates  a  few  letters,  and  then  it  is  lunch  time.  After 
lunch  he  returns  to  the  office,  has  more  interviews 
in  person  or  by  telephone,  perhaps  may  work  an 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  157 

hour  or  so  on  a  pleading  or  argument,  reads  and 
answers  more  letters,  pays  or  staves  off  his  creditors 
and  at  four  o'clock  or  four-thirty  starts  for  his  home 
or  his  club.  If  he  reads  in  the  evening  it  is  the 
newspapers,  magazines  or  works  of  fiction.  If  he 
goes  out  it  is  to  a  club,  lodge  or  card  party  from  which 
he  returns  about  midnight  or  later.  Thus  the  routine 
continues,  until  vacation;  then,  if  he  is  able  he  goes 
to  Europe,  to  the  mountains  or  to  the  sea. 

During  the  year  he  may  have  tried  a  few  cases  and 
perhaps  spent  a  few  hours  each  day  for  several  days 
in  preparing  to  argue  law  questions  arising  in  these 
cases;  but  with  that  exception  his  books  except  the 
statutes  and  digests  which  he  must  occasionally  con- 
sult have  remained  upon  their  shelves,  unless  taken 
down  to  be  dusted.  In  other  words  the  time  he  has 
spent  in  ascertaining  the  law  has  been  determined 
by  accident  and  its  quantity  has  been  as  small  as  he 
could  well  make  it.  With  such  habits  he  never  be- 
comes sufficiently  familiar  with  his  books  to  make  a 
thorough  brief  and  yet  if  prudent  he  usually  succeeds 
in  acquiring  a  competence  financially.  This  has 
been  his  chief  aim  from  the  first  and  so  he  has  suc- 
ceeded. 

The  need  of  the  nation  is  a  well-educated  bar 
whose  members  have  a  higher  object  than  mere 
personal  gain;  who  strive  to  make  themselves  familiar 
with  its  laws  and  with  the  principles  of  justice  that 


158  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

underlie  them;  who  themselves  obey  these  laws  and 
help  to  enforce  them,  and  who  will  assist  in  securing 
such  additions  thereto  and  alterations  thereof  as  will 
advance  the  common  good  and  make  the  foundations 
of  civil  liberty  stronger  and  wider.  Not  only  the 
young  man  just  entering  the  profession  should  realize 
this;  but  the  old  practitioner  sixty  years  of  age,  forty- 
five  years  of  which  have  been  spent  at  the  bar,  still 
has  an  opportunity  to  become  a  thorough  lawyer  and 
render  his  country  some  service. 

Seven  hours  a  day  spent  diligently  in  legal  study 
and  work  will  in  a  few  years  make  out  of  a  common 
man  a  great  lawyer  and  at  the  same  time  bring  in 
sufficient  money  to  support  a  sensible  family  and 
lay  a  foundation  for  age  or  misfortune.  But  these 
hours  must  be  hours  of  concentrated  attention  when 
the  mind  is  at  its  best  and  has  no  other  object.  Four 
or  five  of  these  hours  should  be  in  the  early  part  of  the 
day.  Having  thus  diligently  worked  and  studied  seven 
hours  the  remainder  of  the  seventeen  may  be  spent 
as  the  lawyer  thinks  best,  providing  of  course  he 
gets  the  rest  necessary  to  fit  him  for  his  next  day's 
task.  He  will  thus  be  allowed  an  abundance  of 
time  for  enjoying  all  the  exercises,  recreations,  and 
amusements  to  which  his  tastes  incline  and  as  much 
outside  reading  as  he  may  relish.  But  proficiency 
in  the  law  must  be  his  paramount  object,  the  idol  to 
which  he  devotedly  kneels.     The  administration  of 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  159 

justice  should  be  the  absorbing  desire  of  his  soul; 
a  firm  faith  in  the  final  triumph  of  the  right  his  in- 
flexible support;  the  authority  of  the  right  to  control 
all  his  actions  an  ever  recognized  truth. 

The  wanderer  in  the  wilderness  may  lOse  his 
way  and  then  confused  may  seek  the  highest  point 
where  spreading  out  before  his  gaze  the  greatest  area 
of  the  earth  appears,  and  widest  stretch  of  heaven  is 
seen.  Here  he  may  find  his  way  again  and  turn  his 
wandering  footsteps  home. 

The  lawyer  midst  his  labyrinth  of  cares  pulled  by 
the  strings  of  many  motives,  surrounded  by  the  howl- 
ing wolves  of  greed,  stung  by  the  hornets  of  ingratitude, 
may  stumble  from  his  path  and  lose  his  way,  proceed- 
ing recklessly  till  some  deep  gorge  yawns  threaten- 
ingly before  him.  Then  he  should  seek  the  highest 
point,  the  loftiest  motive  that  his  mind  can  frame  and 
scan  the  largest  area  of  both  earth  and  heaven,  the 
paths  behind  o'er  which  through  countless  years 
the  multitudes  have  passed,  the  paths  in  front  that 
lead  in  divers  ways  and  then  with  prudent  care  select 
the  route  that  leads  securely  home. 

Before  I  bring  this  volume  to  its  close,  wherein 
I've  tried  to  chart  the  pitfalls,  chasms  and  poisonous 
swamps  that  lurk  along  a  lawyer's  way,  I  wish  to 
turn  the  public's  gaze  toward  a  threatening  tempest 
which  I  think  approaches  and  speak  a  word  to  those 
who  may  be  clients. 


160  FOIBLES  OF   THE  BAR 

Our  liberties,  our  property  and  our  lives,  all  that 
we  have  and  cherish  most  depend  as  I  have  shown  upon 
a  government  of  law.  This  government  can  never 
thrive  save  by  the  aid  of  lawyers  who  may  know 
the  law,  nor  be  kept  pure  unless  these  lawyers  strive 
to  keep  it  so.  The  money-getting,  soul-corroding 
vice  may  breathe  its  poisonous  breath  upon  the  press, 
and  fill  the  world  with  lies.  The  people  may  read 
but  disregard  and  firm  the  nation  stand.  The 
pulpit  too  may  drink  its  rank  contagion  and  deck 
the  rottenness  of  crime  with  flowers  and  yet  no 
serious  wreck  come  to  the  "  Ship  of  State. "  Doctors 
of  medicine  may  take  its  virus  and  stand  with  keen 
edged  knives  ready  to  amputate  the  patient  for  his 
purse  and  many  be  untimely  slain ;  the  firm  foundation 
of  our  mighty  fabric  remains  unshaken.  But  should 
this  hateful  monster  seize  the  bar,  palsy  the  con- 
science that  now  loves  the  right,  shrivel  the  hearts 
that  now  for  justice  throb,  make  minds  that  once 
were  quick  to  keep  the  nation  strong,  as  swift  to  make 
their  countrymen  their  prey,  what  then  awaits  but 
ruin?  What  fate  awaits  the  ship  when  those  who 
have  command  conspire  to  sink  it?  Chaos  will 
come  and  human  rights  be  merely  froth  upon  a  raging 
sea.  More  than  on  armies,  armaments,  forts  or 
battleships,  the  nation  now  depends  upon  the  bar. 
Its  members  are  the  nation's  leading  men  in 
every  walk  of  life.     They  are  its  legislators,  courts 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  161 

and    cabinets,    and    hold    the  reins    in    every  lofty 
place. 

Every  young  lawyer  passing  from  the  school  to 
take  his  place  among  the  legal  ranks  deserves  con- 
sideration. If  he  be  clean  and  honest  and  strives 
to  do  his  best,  give  him  a  chance  to  serve  you  in  an 
honest  way.  He  may  be  bashful,  backward  and 
assume  but  little,  may  boast  no  noble  lineage,  and 
wear  no  heritage  of  fame;  he  may  be  poor,  possess 
no  library  that  he  can  call  his  own,  and  have  no  ofl&ce 
which  he  can  command  and  yet  give  you  much  better 
service  in  some  cases  than  the  hero  of  a  thousand  suits 
in  whose  fine  office  clients  swarm  and  wait.  Let 
not  the  glare  of  notoriety  draw  you  into  the  blaze. 
Be  not  mislead  by  boasting  in  or  out  of  print.  High- 
minded,  honest  lawyers  scorn  to  boast,  employ  no 
boosters,  make  no  false  pretence,  nor  scramble  with 
indecent  haste  for  gold.  They  may  be  poor  and  not 
in  search  of  wealth  and  yet  industrious  and  rich  in 
learning  and  give  you  better  service  than  any  of  the 
brood  that  does  the  crowing.  Give  honest  worth 
a  chance  where'er  you  find  it  and  thereby  will  you 
help  to  keep  it  honest.  If  you  instead  go  to  the  one 
who  makes  the  loudest  noise  and  has  the  least  regard 
for  right,  and  add  your  ingots  to  the  largest  pile,  and 
turn  from  him  whose  honest  and  high  minded  zeal 
aspires  without  display  to  aid  the  true  and  just, 
then  do  you  add  the  might  of  yoiu:  strong  arm  to 


162  FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR 

break  the  firmest  pillar  that  sustains  the  state.  If 
all  men  do  the  like,  the  time  must  come  when  strife 
for  gold  will  be  the  lawyer's  only  aim;  when  every 
scoundrel  that  designs  a  crime  will  use  the  law  to 
aid  in  its  committal  and  never  fail  to  find,  both  at  the 
bar  and  on  the  bench,  those  ready  to  assist  and  share 
the  spoils;  when  legal  lore  will  be  a  shield  to  help  the 
thief  and  nerve  the  robber's  arm,  and  every  fund 
gathered  by  taxes  to  support  the  state  will  be  a  loot 
for  lawyers  and  theh-  pals.  Honor  will  sit  no  more 
upon  the  bench  or  plead  for  justice  at  the  bar,  and  in 
its  name  the  crafty  will  but  smile  while  they  contrive 
to  pick  your  pockets.  A  government  of  law  will 
then  become  a  name  to  cloak  corruption  in  its  rankest 
form  and  hold  its  festering  place  till  the  disgusted, 
plimdered,  frenzied  multitude  arise  by  force  and  wipe 
it  from  the  map. 

And  you,  my  brothers  at  the  bar,  raise  high  the 
standard  of  professional  honor.  Resist  all  efforts 
made  to  pull  it  down.  Force  to  the  rear  all  those  who 
would  debase  it,  and  strive  for  legal  learning  as  a 
priceless  gem.  By  doing  thus  you  serve  your  country 
best,  your  children  and  yourselves,  and  pay  in  part 
the  debt  you  owe  to  Providence  who  gave  us  this 
inheritance  of  liberty  and  law. 

The  Constitution  is  the  stay  that  holds  the  nation's 
parts  in  place.  Who  would  protect  it,  if  you  desert 
it?    An  honest,  learned,  and  patriotic  Judge  must 


FOIBLES  OF  THE  BAR  163 

guard  our  liberties  in  every  court.  Unless  you  furnish 
such,  where  can  that  Judge  be  found?  On  your  own 
shoulders  now  the  burden  lies;  you  can  not,  must  not, 
shirk  it  if  you  would.  The  noblest  fabric  on  the 
earth  is  in  your  hands.  It  is  more  precious  than  the 
wealth  of  all  the  world.  The  wretched  everywhere 
look  to  its  flag,  as  freedom's  star.  Its  glorious  colors 
make  their  bosoms  swell  with  hope  to  break  their 
bonds. 

If  you  are  true  and  do  not  falter  from  the  right,  but 
ever  for  the  just  raise  your  strong  voices,  the  tide  of 
liberty,  now  rising  everywhere,  shall  never  ebb,  but 
pushing  onward  with  increasing  force,  flow  to  the 
farthest  shore. 


FOIBLES   OF   THE   BENCH." 


A  Remarkable  Volume,  by  HENRY    S.  WILCOX, 
of  the  Chicago  Bar. 

PRESENTING 


JUDGE  KNOWALL,  JUDGE  WASP, 

JUDGE  WABBLEE,  JUDGE  WIND, 

JUDGE  FEAEFUL,  JUDGE  GEAFT, 

JUDGE  WHIFFET,  JUDGE  DOALL, 

and  many  others,  who  will  readily  be  recognized 
as  types  of  ancient  and  modern  judges. 


Read  What  the  Press  says: 

Press,  Pittsburg,  Pa.:  "The  book  is  assuredly  amusing  and 
entertaining  and  the  stories  told  are  all  full  of  humor  and  wit." 

Binghampton,  New  York,  Press:  "It  is  an  odd  little  volume, 
full  of  good  things  for  the  lawyer  and  layman." 

Dispatch,  Pittsburg,  Pa.:  "It  is  a  scathing  attack  on  incompe- 
tent judges." 

Western  Christian  Advocate,  Cincinnati,  Ohio:  "The  volume 
abounds  with  penetrating  comment,  shrewd  suggestions,  sagacious 
observations  mixed  with  rhetorical  exaggerations  and  sharp 
sayings  galore." 

Citizen,  Brooklyn,  N.  Y.:  "This  is  a  book  that  cannot  faU  to 
attract  and  hold  the  interest  of  the  entire  legal  profession  all 
over  the  country." 

Times,  Seattle,  Washington:  '  'Mr.  Wilcox's  analysis  of  men  and 
his  delineation  of  the  tricks  of  the  lawmaker  make  himanovel  and 
curiously  interesting  showman." 


Buffalo  Courier:  "The  author  Indulges  in  many  clever  and 
good  natured  hits  at  the  wealc  points  oftentimes  found  in  justices 
of  wide  reputation." 

The  Bee,  Sacramento,  Cal.:  "The  volume  will  be  much  appre- 
ciated by  the  Bench  and  the  Bar." 

Journal,  Albany,  N.Y.:  "The  book  is  clever,  the  diction  pleas- 
ing, and  must  meet  with  a  large  sale,  and  will  live  in  literature  for 
some  time  to  come." 

The  News-Times  Publishing  Co.,  Denver:  "The  volume  is  one, 
if  taken  seriously,  which  might  contribute  to  the  dignity  and  sanity 
of  the  judiciary  and  aid  in  the  ethical  efficiency  of  American  in- 
stitutions." 

Commercial  Appeal,  Memphis,  Tenn.:  "It  teaches  a  whole- 
some lesson  to  the  bench." 

Republican,  Denver,  Col.:  "A  strong  sense  of  humor,  a  keen 
wit  and  the  power  to  penetrate  the  disguise  of  the  human  heart 
combine  with  a  nimble  mind  and  ready  pen  to  produce  here  a 
book  that  every  lawyer  will  want  to  read." 

Donahoe's  Magazine,  Boston:  "Humorous  incidents  illustrate 
the  points  made  and  interest  the  general  reader  as  well  as  members 
of  the  legal  profession." 

The  Public,  Chicago:  "Mr.  Wilcox  has  done  a  needed  work  and 
done  it  well.  There  is  nothing  dry  about  his  book.  It  is  as 
interesting  as  fiction." 

Eagle,  Brooklyn,  N.  Y.:  "This  book  bristles  with  sensible 
suggestions.  It  should  prove  as  interesting  to  the  general  reader 
as  members  of  the  legal  profession." 

Daily  News,  Chicago:  "It  arraigns  in  terse  and  caustic  language 
those  idiosyncrasies,  crochets  and  downright  faults  which  mar 
many  a  judge  and  manifestly  unfit  him  for  the  duties  of  the 
Judicial  Bench." 

Bankers'  Law  Journal:  "It  abounds  in  humorous  incidents 
illustrating  the  points  made  and  is  calculated  to  interest  the 
general  reader  as  well  as  the  members  of  the  legal  profession." 

Louisville  Courier-Journal:  "Judicial  foibles  are  held  up  to 
scorn  on  the  author's  rapier  point." 

Tribune,  Salt  Lake:  "It  is  fertile  in  conjuring  up  the  weak- 
nesses of  judges  and  ingenious  in  exploiting  them.  The  desirable 
qualifications  of  judges  are  admirably  summed  up.". 

Cloth  bound,  gilt-top.    Price  $1.00. 


"A  STRANGE  FLAW 


By  HENRY  S.  WILCOX 
(Of  the  Chicago  Bar.) 

A  POWERFUL  AND  THRILLING  NOVEL  of 
American  life,  telling  the  story  of  a  man  who 
was  once  well-to-do,  but  became  poor,  and  being  driven 
to  action  by  the  taunts,  sneers,  and  abuses  of  the 
rich  and  powerful  turned  upon  his  oppressors  and 
vowed  vengeance  against  the  world.  By  a  scheme 
well  formed  and  executed  he  succeeded  through  the 
agency  of  the  legislature,  courts  and  high  oflBcials  of 
the  Government,  in  punishing  some  of  those  who  had 
abused  him,  at  the  same  time  retrieving  his  own  fortune. 

The  novel  opens  at  the  President's  inaugural  ball 
and  concludes  at  the  President's  mansion.  It  has  a 
well-told  love  story  running  through  it  and  depicts 
many  interesting  scenes  of  American  life,  including 
original  and  strong  characters.  It  is  replete  with  wit, 
sarcasm,  and  pathos,  and  exposes  many  forms  of 
official  rascality.  The  attention  of  the  reader  is  at- 
tracted on  the  first  page  and  is  held  with  increasing 
interest  until  the  end. 

The  book  contains  about  270  pages,  cloth-bound, 
gilt-top,  and  fancy  cover.     Price  $1.50. 


frail-xieis  of 
the:  jury 

Bv     HEINRY     S.     \A/ll_COX 

OF"     0MICAC30      BAFl 

Autlior  of  "Foibles  of  the  Bencli,"  e;c. 


A  unique  and  higlily  entertainitig  volume  depicting  in 
lucid  language  the  faults  and  weaknesses  of  jurors  and 
the  jury  system,  introducing  various  types  of  bad  jurors 
and  showing  how  they  prevent  justice,  and  suggesting 
remedies.  In  this  volume  the  author  has  digested  the 
wisdom  extracted  from  his  many  years'  experience  as  a 
jury  lawyer.  It  cannot  fail  to  greatly  delight  the  general 
reader  and  give  much  instruction  t.  both  lawyer  and 
layman. 

PFJIOE,    $1.00 
l=>OSTF>AI  D 

LEGAL  LITERATURE  COMPANY 

CHICAGO,  ILL. 


"The  Trials  of  a  Stump 
Speaker." 


Written  by 
HENRY  S.  WILCOX 
(Of  the  Chicago  Bar.) 

Author  of  "Foibles  of  the  Bench,"     "A  Strange  Flaw,"  fete. 

It  is  a  series  of  sketches  and  humorous  incidents 
occurring  during  the  many  years'  experience  of  the 
author,  and  particularly  during  the  campaign  of  1888, 
illustrating  the  difficulties,  disappointments  and 
annoyances  that  beset  a  stump  speaker  in  a  political 
campaign,  and  the  incompetency,  mistakes,  and  ridic- 
ulous practices  indulged  in  by  committeemen  and 
campaign  managers,  and  some  of  the  absurdities  and 
inconsistencies  of  politics. 

The  Courier,  Buffalo,  N.  Y.,  July  29,  '06: 

It  is  one  of  the  funniest  efforts  in  the  way  of  humor 
ous  books  of  recent  publication. 

Journal,  Albany,  N.  Y.,  July  25,  '09,  says: 

It  makes  refreshing  reading  and  is  just  the  book  to 
take  on  the  train  or  steamboat  when  you  travel.  It 
makes  the  time  go  rapidly.  There  is  a  freshness  about 
it  that  is  most  enjoyable. 

Neatly  bound  in  cloth.     Price  75  cents. 


Special   Offer. 
Anyone  ordering  any  two  of  the  books  mentioned 
herein  and  sending  cash  with  order  will  be  entitled  to 
a  reduction  of  25  cents ;  any  tliree,  50  cents. 

LEGAL  LITERATURE  COMPANY 
CHICAGO  ILLINOIS 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 

Los  Angeles 
This  book  is  DUE  on  the  last  date  stamped  below. 


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REC'D  LD-LRL 


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|(H?DLDAiRL 

1  9 1373 
191973. 


FormL9 — 15m-10,'48(B1039)444 


UNIVERSITY  of  CALIFORNU 

AT 
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